Welcome To The Baby Wants Its Bottle Poetry Inc, a creative project by Martin Anton Smith, a NZ based creative. In This episode a ” funny I hope” Prose Poem, inspired by my 3 year old Tortoiseshell cat , Squeeky – who is quite the naughty character, and quite the bon vivant. The poem takes the form of a ‘breaking news’ broadcast. Without Further ado, lets begin!

“Breaking News: “Sir Squeeky” The Cat buys Crazy Crunchy Catfood co. for $30M“

“Sir Squeeky Wallows” the Eccentric and Highly Intelligent BusinessCat,

Has Announced That After A Hostile Takeover,

He Is Now The Majority Shareholder And CEO

Of the ‘Crazy Crunchy Catfood Inc.’

In His First Comments To The Market, He Announced

“My First Action Will Be Purrrr- fect Quality Control.

I Am Injecting Myself Into The Frontlines of the Business,

As the Top Brass and Singular Taste – Tester.

I Will Taste Test Every Single Biscuit Catfood Item,

That Rolls Off The End Of Factory Conveybelt.

This will Last Until Quality Standards Are Significantly Raised.”

Initially This Commitment to Quality Testing Was Positively Received

By Wall St, With Cat stocks Immediately Rising 59% on The Meow Jones Index,

Leading Market Commentators To Predict A “Bull Run” in Catfood Stocks.

However, This Boom Was Shortlived,

As It Soon Became Apparent That All Factory Supplies of Crazy Crunchy Catfood Inc,

Had Been Taste Tested For A Continuous Two Week Period,

Leaving No Factory Supplies Available to Its Retailers and Customers.

Now The Workers at Crunchy Catfood Are Revolting, Very Revolting.

And The Share Price has Plummeted some 90%.

We Tried To reach CEO Sir Squeeky Wallows for Comment,

However His Also-A -Cat Spokesman, Ms Tabitha Scratch,

Said Sir Squeeky Wallows, “Was Still Busy Quality Taste Testing”.

She Added, “This Was Simply For The Benefit Of The Long Term Major Shareholders”

She Also Stated Sir Squeeky Could Not Take A Direct Phone Call From Us,

As He Was Now So Fat, He Could Not Get His Bloated Paw

Into His Tightly Stretched Suit Pocket, Where His Cell Phone Was Now Permanently Stuck”.

And Besides This, Ms. Tabitha Scratch Continued, “He Could No Longer Fit Through The Factory Doors,

And Would Now Require A Forklift And The Removal Of a Wall,

Just To Leave The Factory”.

When We Asked Ms. Tabitha Scratch If The Company Would Soon Be In Liquidation

She Became Aggressive with Expletive Laden Words about Needing “Tasty Tasty Milky Liquidly Goodness Immediately”,

And When We Further Suggested The Crunchy Cat Company Had “Gone To The Dogs”,

We Heard Sir Squeeky’s Voice Caterwaul From The Backround:

“I’ve Given 8 of My 9 Lives To Be In This Position, and I wont Stand Idly By,

And Listen To False Media Dog Whistling”.

That’s When The Line Became Far Too Scratchy, and We Hung Up.

We Here at The Scratch Post News, will Kept You Updated On This Developing Story,

When More Updates come to Paw, er I mean Hand.

End Of Poem

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