Welcome to The Baby wants Its Bottle Philosophy & Poetry Inc. Podcast, a creative project by Martin Anton Smith a NZ based creative. In this episode I read 3 New Poems. These are all whimsical pieces which I had fun with and they were all a delight to write. They were all written via stream of consciousness, with very little editing – if any at all. No analysis is needed as they are all very self-explanatory in nature. On a personal aside, here in the mountains and valleys in Central Otago it is getting cold, and the winter is knocking on my and everyone’s door. It will be our guest for at least 3 months, and all you can do is hunker down and wait till September. Luckily, I am equally an indoors person as I am an outdoors person. And of course, many good books can be read in Winter – preferably in bed. Now I will read the poems.

“A Confusing Day”

He got up on the ‘wrong side of the bed’,

which was odd as his bed was against the wall.

He had his ‘head in the clouds’,

Which wasn’t logical as he lived in the Arizona Desert.

He was ‘penny wise & pound stupid’,

Which couldn’t happen as he used US Dollars.

He was as ‘mad as a hatter’,

Which didn’t make sense, as he abhorred hats.

He was once told by an older NZ lady to ‘pull his finger out’,

Which confused him greatly as his fingers were all ‘dangling free’.

This was all starting to get to him and he now wore a quizzical frown.

An Old man walked by and shouted “Cheer up son – it may never happen”,

He was perplexed as he was not sure what the old man thought what was supposed to happen.

He stopped and sat on the kerb & started to bawl his eyes out.

It was all too much.

He couldn’t handle all these strange confusing, seemingly non-sensical warnings statements and instructions.

Then another baby boomer walked by with his wife.

He overheard him whisper to her

“He doesn’t know whether he’s Arthur or Martha”

The old man’s words sunk in and he lifted his head happily from kerbside

“Finally! – Someone truly understands me”.

(end of Poem)

“Feminine Cycles”

The Man Doesn’t Behave

Woman Loses Respect For Man

Woman dumps Man

Man Becomes A Broken Down Drunken Mess

Woman Watches Man Get Crushed in a Meatgrinder

Man No Longer Alive

Woman Amused

Woman Sees This As Proof Man Was Useless

Women Marries New Man

The Man Doesn’t Behave….

(end of Poem)

“CAN You Do It, Dr?”.

Never Trust A Man With A PHD To Open A Tin Can.

He Will Write A Treatise On The Mining Of Ore,

& It’s Effect On The Food Industry.

Then When He Finishes,

And You Jump For Joy That Your Hunger Ends,

He Will Reach For The Can Opener,

& Start A Book On ‘Worm Epidemics’.

By the Time You Are Served

Those Delightful Baked Beans,

Verily Mr PHD Has Delayed You Such,

That A New Library Has Preceded You,

And You Have Already Bitten the Dust.

If Only You Had Priorly Known To

Never Trust A Man With A PHD To Open A Tin Can

(end of Poem)

Thankyou for listening to the Baby Wants It’s Bottle Philosophy & Poetry Inc. Podcast, A creative project by Martin Anton Smith, a NZ based creative. This podcast is available on Spotify or wherever you get your podcasts from.

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