Welcome to the Baby wants its bottle inc. podcast a creative project by Martin Anton Smith, a New Zealand Based Creative.
In this episode, I present a short skit. how did I come up with this Idea?, I listened to that old old song song “yes we have no bananas”, a big band song that was a hit in the very old days. I remember as a kid in the 80’s, it was reference on occasion on TV. So I kinda liked the song, and it kicked off my creativity. I thought of updating the songs lyrics, in the form of a skit or a mini short story, you could even call it an “alternate ending”. So make sure you also eat a Banana today, but make sure its not rotten, but then again, you can always make a banana cake out of those! But then we all know you will throw it out, who has the wherewithal to bake cakes these days? Note: the original song, I hope, is embedded at the bottom of the shows transcript, see the shows description for the link .
And without further ado, lets begin…I give you my fun creation, which I have titled, “Pete the Green Grocer Exacts his Revenge” by Martin Anton Smith 2021
Ok Pete, that’s awesome, I’m so happy your niece turned 10 yesterday, and that your grandmother just turned 128, that’s gotta be some kinda record! And yes, I promise, I’ll come and have a drink of your famous home grown whiskey, just as soon as I get the time. Yes, Yes, I know its aged in oak barrels, Yes I know you made the barrels outa the old oak tree in your great grandmas back yard! What’s that? Do I like Jazz being played today? Yeah, It’s ok I guess, but Pete – You know I prefer Public Image ltd! John Lydon was…I mean IS a genius!…as was Keith Levene!….Ok Pete, I”ll tell you about the history of Punk later…what’s that Pete? Yes the trumpets are great, they really are! Now Pete, I really must Go now…no the beans and the apples will be fine….Yes a Paper bag …thanks…I you double bagged it, cheers…huh? sorry Pete, that’s all I want, no Pistachios, No walnuts, not even a Old White bean, my old Bean! I gotta run, I’ve had a bad day, I need rest, my mother has been driving me crazy lately, she’s old and losing her marbles, thinks I stole the phone, you know what’s its like, its kinda like your great grandma always asking you to find her some “doctors Orders Cigarettes'”, over and over again – Parents are so frustrating, I don’t know how you guys do it Pete – 7 Generations all in the same house!…the queue for the bathroom must be terrible! Now I really really must finally Go Pete! Hey one more thing Pete, just before I go….Pete, can you stop saying “Yes, we have no bananas” ? Its kinda stupid, no one gets that old joke anymore, I mean it’s not 1930 anymore, and no one knows that old song…I mean the joke is lost on everyone under 90…..no One knows who the hell Louis Prima is anymore, no one has liked that “Big Band” sound since Chuck Berry’s electric guitar swiftly killed it!…Pete, don’t cry, Please , Oh Jeez Pete, there’s a whole Niagara Falls coming outa your eyes, oh Pete come on, don’t be upset, here’s my handkerchief…oh thats not working, here, cry into this cup….here’s another….wait, here take this bedsheet, that happens to be blowing by…ah good yes…Pete, dry those sore red eyes…take these eye drops too…here let me help…..oh sorry, that went up your nose, I was only trying to help.
Pete, calm down, stop shouting! What? you don’t want my custom anymore? Come on Pete , ok I’ll compromise , just add a small change to that banana line, nothing big. I just want you to say something funny, for when you actually do have something in stock as the “Yes we have no bananas” line, only works for outa stock items …what’s that Pete? Oh you will go along, so long as I buy some extra Imported, extra Salty, extra Long, Extra Red Salami? ok ok, I’ll have some of that Salami then! But, now to my idea, you should say, “No!, we have some Salami?” , that’s the converse of “Yes! We have no Bananas, isn’t it? Be logically consistent Pete! Come on Pete, live up to your Harvard Education! Pete, Your Going Red….Now Blue…..Now Purple, steam is coming out both ears! Now its steaming the Brocoli! And You dont have a license to cook on Premises! Pete, with that display of anger, You really must see my therapist, don’t worry, he’s as Cheap as your disappearing bananas, and as nice as your great grandma! What’s that you say Pete? “No!, you have some rotten tomatoes for my nice Italian suit?”. Aright Alright, My God Pete, I cant believe you did that, Pete, the dry cleaning bill will be horrendous! Ok, well I guess I asked for that Pete, I was rude, very rude, I acted like an arrogant upper crust clueless colonial Englishman from 1895. I promise Pete, I’ll never tell you how to run your lovely, old fashioned, Jazz playin, half stocked, Conversational, quaint and undeniably lovable greengrocer shop. Ok then Pete, I’ll have some beans, Ok I’ll have some mushrooms, cucumber, yep my hamster loves those, lettuce yep, Grapes? ok I’ll have some grapes, though Pete, I hope they are not “sour grapes” Pete …ah aha haha haha ha ah ha! Pete, your not laughing…Pete…don’t grab me…Pete that’s sore…..Pete, I’m choking you’re choking me! …Pete…PEEEETE……. I…….THOUGHT……YOU….SAID …YOU ……..HAD………….NO……………BANANAS!!!!!!!!!!!
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Thankyou for listening to the baby wants his bottle poetry inc. podcast, a creative project by Martin Anton Smith, a New Zealand based creative. Available on Spotify and many other platforms
P.s. the original song I hope is embedded at the bottoms of the shows transcript, see the shows description for the link.
Anton Martin Smith Writer 