By Martin Anton Smith martinantonsmith@gmail.com

In NZ because we are not yet a Republic – we have Knighthoods & Orders of Merit etc etc which have the stamp of approval from the head of state i.e in this case the King of England.

Quite often total assholes get awards. But since the world is run by assholes, this should not surprise anyone.

For example, this year they gave an old Politician (let’s just call her ‘Ruth RRRichardson’) an award. She in 1991 cut benefits to the poor.

She did it with a smile.

I was one of the poor children affected by this many years ago.

She literally took a day’s food out of me & my two sibling’s mouths – well also from my mothers too.

So, I don’t mind saying a giant FU to her, even now 34 years since she did the dirty on the poor kids & their single mother parents……now you know the context, let me get into the meat of this sandwich…. I’ve came up with an “Alternate history of Ruth Richardson’s Kings honor award” …here it is

Why don’t they just be honest when handing out Kings Honours Awards?

e.g. The revamped ceremony that now favours honesty might go like this (imagine an aging society fuddy duddy giving a ‘weird chemistry teacher look-a-like’ female politician getting the award) :

“Ruth RRRichardson – you get a Kings Honour for the following chicanery category”:

“For the holding down of the poor & the ‘great unwashed’ and for distracting them from the fact they are slaves slash chattel of the state; & For the picking of their pockets over the period of X decades in under the guise of helping them out – your unrivaled dastardry & pig-headed lack of empathy has surprised & enamoured you to us – the most withered of joyless souls who exist at the highest ranks of this very rancid & farty smelling room”.

& then they say this

“Now bend over & receive the giant golden carrot, which once removed & cleaned can be redeemable for 100% cold pressed kiwi-slave juice”

“I’ve been waiting decades for this carrot” She said as she smiled for the camera – although the “smile” was not really a smile as the ends of her lips remained fully below the horizontal plane.

And what did I have to do with this new Kings Honours ceremony? I was so happy that I was made the convener for “The distributing the Kings Honors Physical Awards to each winner” This means I was able to push through this diktat while no one was looking:

13-b section 2: The Mean ones can get the oversize carrot up the jacksie, & the nice ones can get a certificate.

Through some twist of fate, the quality control staff didn’t delete my diktat & this came to be. The only thing that annoys me?

The bad ones liked the carrot.

That was not the plan.