assholes – Anton Martin Smith Writer

by Martin Anton Smith

What if you’ve said all there is to say?

What if you’ve now become a jaded ‘tribute writer’ of your former self?

When will something new come?

I wonder,

Is the lack of inspiration because I’ve been happier lately?

I wonder,

Can you still write ‘good stuff’ if your old friend ‘depression & anxiety’ abates?

I wonder,

Is this the inevitable curse of the good writer?

To become well?

To start to see the glass as half-full?.

To be more organised than not?

To drink less?

To yell less?

To be able to easily afford the nice things?

To have stable relationships?

& perhaps the final literary death knell –

To become an early riser?.

But thank God!

Alas I don’t need to panic just yet.

As I have at best only two of those six symptoms.

If I have four, then I’ll become officially diagnosed.

I’ll be entered into the book or words.

My name will be entered as one of the ‘walking literary dead’.

A soul who no longer has anything interesting to say.

Of course, what I’m actually talking about,

Is more readily referred to in the creative space as “The problem of success”.

It becomes a ‘catch 22’, in that it deadens the creative spirit.

So logically, it’s better to ‘make it’ after death – that way you’ll maximise your best work.

We could call it the “Van Gogh” effect – for he sold only one painting while alive.

But then again, while all the above is true – I must be fair & even handed about the rest.

It’s also a bad thing to have something worthwhile to say,

& be afraid to say it.

But most importantly with words & writing aside,

A bastard is a bastard is a bastard,

Whether he or she writes or not,

or has good material or not.

We should always remember,

To at worse,

Be only 49% Bastards.

For the world sure doesn’t need any more ‘amazing creatives’,

Who also happen to casually destroy the fabric of society.

Contrary to popular opinion,

That ain’t cool.

That aint cool at at all.

In fact,

It’s fucking boring,

& if you look closely at these type’s work –

It’s all stolen from someone else anyway.

All creatives should never forget ‘The Max 49% Bastardry Law’.

You’ll still have fun,

For you don’t necessarily have to be squeaky clean,

And you won’t help destroy the Earth.

Call it a novel idea of mine.

Else that saying will continue to always be true:

“Never meet your heros”.

Those assholes flagrantly ignore the Max 49% Bastardry law.

We might even call them “Those wizards of bastardry” –

But then again, that catchey term might only make their heads swell even bigger.

So don’t now give them souless pricks any of your time or your dimes.

We in the West have become to far indulgent of shady assholes.

That’ll be what the Historian from the next Empire that replaces us will write:

“Their downfall was that they wasted all their time & money on totally shady assholes”.

My theory is the next Empire will call a spade a spade.

They all at least start that way.

So in summary – let me or you say this the next time someone asks us ‘what do you do?’

“I’m a writer, & also I’m technically not an asshole”.

And hopefully for us all – that won’t be a lie.

by Martin Anton Smith

I was walking to the corner convienience store,

The usual fix: coffee, a pie or something fried.

On my way I saw the car parked of the very young man –

It was Parked over the under-the-street fire hydrant,

He parked there even though it stuck out like a sore-thumb:

A bright yellow metal grating plate,

That also had a 3-foot radius thick yellow circle around it.

Also, it was despite the street being devoid of other cars.

I guess I’m saying he had no logical excuse.

I file the information away.

I walk into the store, order, & they make my coffee.

While I wait, I scan to see if the boy is there.

He is.

I get his attention.

“You know you’re parked over the fire hydrant?”

I say firmly but fairly.

I wondered if this prooves I am definitely entering ‘early old man phase’.

“No” he says becoming embarrassed.

“You know if there’s a fire, they wont be able to connect”

“You’re also risking a fine”.

He just stands with awkward embarrassment.

He doesn’t connect that there is also a chance a house could go up in flames,

& his dopey parking could result in someone burning to death for lack of firehose water.

As I leave I say:

“If I was you i’d move that car asap”.

I don’t think that comment landed either.

I don’t usually agree with ‘the feminists’-

But they are definitely right on this particular sub-set of males:

Very young men are usually very very dopey.

Statistically speaking I predict this young fella will keep on doing it,

For is it not a rule of the Universe?

That young men park over fire hydrants?

This is also why I didn’t overplay my hand.

The world has far too many grumpy assholes who are scanning the world,

So as to pull up someone on some minor matter.

Of course, it is always a fine line between being a strong leader of men,

& being a total asshole.

In fact I do believe the two are not necessarily mutually exclusive.

I think assholes can also be good leaders,

But it is also a matter of degree.

And a good leader certainly doesn’t have to be an asshole.

In fact, this makes me wonder:

Is a ‘Great Leader’ simply a ‘Good Leader who is never an asshole’

Tag: assholes

“Fire Hydrants, Leadership & Assholes” (A Poem)