“Circa 1984-87, The Ballad Of NZ” ( A Prose Poem/Spoken Word)

by Anton Martin Smith antonmartinsmithwrites@gmail.com

The Politicians were too young,

Or too stupid,

Or too lacking in real life experience,

Or too Professorial,

Or too academic,

Or too Lawyerly,

Or in truth – they were all of the above.

High on bad Neoliberal theory.

The so called “Washington Consensus”.

The Corporate Raider Lobby got to them,

In true ‘Wolf in sheep’s clothing’ fashion.

They were sold a story of “growing up & becoming worldly”.

For the Anglo-American Wolf did cry:

“NZ’s is just a silly backwater – don’t you want to be suave, like us?”.

“You must sell all those great ‘bad’ assets at a fire-sale to us”

“You must work more for less, so we can charge more for less”

“You must be a part of our single-blind experiment & guess who the blind one is dummy!”

“Now be good little slaves now stupid-o’s & do exactly as we say!”

“You have reached your destiny – as our fully propagandised automoton living breathing data points”

“And don’t worry if your society becomes a living hellscape – we promise to buy you a coke”

“Oh, wait did I say that out loud? Please forget I said that O Backward-o NZ 1980’s Politicians”

The Dopey Politicians took it all in hook, line, & ‘stinker’.

The Corporate Raiders took over,

Took over the minds of our oh so feeble Politicians.

And while we “The People” sank further into the mire,

They all said to us:

“Oh look at that beautiful mire you’re stuck in – I reckon some daisies are about to sprout”

“Oh, look you’re sinking further, don’t worry breath through this plastic drink straw”

“Oh no! You’re not breathing – oh well at least you can’t ever lodge a protest vote”

This is the ballad of the giant swindle that shoulda-neva-‘appened.

Yes! This was the shit-show called “NZ Circa 1984-1987”.

Yes! – We now have no bananas!

Well – none at affordable prices anyway.

Which is pretty strange – given we’ve been in a Banana Republic,

For 41 consecutive mire-filled years.

Oh well! I guess this is our lot in life.

For we went from hard-truth-seeking-knowing-soldier-farmer-labourer-types,

To weak willed bender-over-ers & take-it-up-the-butt-ers,

In only Thirty-Nine short years.

Yup we the people folded to those Anglo-American-Politico-Demons to easily.

Alas we were so open minded, that we not only let our brains fall out,

But we let them roll under the ocean & all the way across the Tasman,

Stopping only when they landed in Keating et al’s far-lap.

This was Circa 1984-1987, The Ballad of NZ.

And PS – we never got the Coke.

“The Canberra Jobseeker Bites Off The Correct Amount He Can Chew” (Political Satire)

by Martin Anton Smith

Jobseeker: I’m looking for a new role

Recruitment Officer: Ham or Cheese

Jobseeker: No I want a job, that’s why I’m here!

Recruitment Officer: But Isn’t eating tasty food better that working?

Jobseeker: How did you get a job as a Recruitment consultant?

Recruitment Officer: I’m moonlighting as a Caterer; we can talk jobs later – so I can sell you a Ham for $5 or a Cheese for $7

Jobseeker: But I have no money – that’s why I need a job!

Recruitment Officer: If you buy a sandwich, I’ll give you a job.

Jobseeker: If you give me a job, I’ll buy a sandwich.

Recruitment Officer: Ok Ok – your job will be in Food Prep

Jobseeker: Ok I’m desperate – I’ll do it – when do I start?

Recruitment Officer: Right now – make a Cheese & then a Ham Sandwich, pay is $1 per sandwich.

Jobseeker: Done can I have my two dollars?

Recruitment officer – yes here it is (pays them).

Jobseeker: Thanks this is a move in the right direction.

Recruitment officer: Ok now to complete our bargain – here are the two sandwich’s, $12 dollars please.

Jobseeker: But I only have the $2 you paid me to make them both!

Recruitment Officer: True – & that’s why I am prepared to offer you a $10 ‘Sandwich Mortgage’ at very reasonable rates!

Jobseeker: This is all just a giant Scam isn’t it! Where are you morals you shyster!

Recruitment Officer: Welcome to the exciting new world of work in 2024! Sorry what’s that word you said – Morals? Is that a new type of sandwhich?

Jobseeker: Man – I’ll never try to get a job for the Australian Treasury again! I never knew this is how you make your surpluses!

Recruitment Officer: Let’s just say “Sandwich-o-nomics” has been a fantastic fiscal policy ever since Keating left office!

Jobseeker: Damn – I should have known we were still stuck in the Howard Years!!

Recruitment Officer: Sadly this is true – & you Australian battlers have been screwed like mad! The good news is “Sandwhich-o-nomics” has allowed Canberra Politicians to cream it!

Jobseeker: You charlatan…you swindler…you…you….snake oil salesman!

Recruitment Officer: Do you need some? We sell it at the Parliament doors 100% quality Snake Oil as pressed by the aging John Howard himself!

Jobseeker: hmmm…desperate time call for desperate measures…Do you have any Keating snake oil – that stuff might actually work!

Jobseeker: Hey hey hey – what do you think this place is? A free market? This is Howard era ‘Sandwhich-O-nomics’ my friend – competition is not needed wanted or desired!

Jobseeker: ok ok – give me the Howard snake oil then.

Recruitment Officer: Ok it’s $10 per bottle

Jobseeker: Do you take sandwiches as currency? Thanks to you, that’s the only way I can pay you.

Recruitment Officer: Man you’re really getting into the swing of Sandwich-o-nomics” – I feel a surplus coming on!

Jobseeker: I would protest but this Aussie Battler has had their life squeezed out of them!

Recruitment Officer: haha Sandwich-o-nomics strikes again!

Jobseeker: Can I have a loan?

Recruitment Officer: Sure first just squeeze this snake’s oil into this bottle & sign this document.

Jobseeker: That better be a real snake.

Recruitment Officer: In Sandwich-O-nomics nothing as guaranteed.

Jobseeker: Oh brother!

Recruitment Officer: Yes we can recruit him too!

Jobseeker: Where is the door?

Recruitment Officer: Under Sandwich-o-nomics there are no doors – only windows.

Jobseeker: So ‘Sandwhich-o-nomics’ has really got me screwed 100% no matter what I do!?

Recruitment: It’s a beautiful system – now excuse me I must pray 3 times on the hour to the grand Poobah of Sandwich-o-nomics

Jobseeker: Is that John Howard?

Recruitment Officer: Are you angling for a promotion?

Jobseeker: Have you got any jobs making antique watches?

Recruitment Officer: Yes – but it’ll cost you 3 months salary.

Jobseeker: Who do you think I am? Paul Keating?

Recruitment Officer: I thought you were him! That’s why made all this crap up!

Jobseeker: Shhh don’t tell anyone….I’m here to secretly scuttle the AUKUS deal

Recruitment Officer: Sorry I don’t sell those deep-sea sardines in brine water.

Jobseeker: Oh good I’ve already won! that was easier than i thought! I retire forthwith!

Recruitment Officer: I will remember you always! Lets celebrate! Ham or Cheese!

Jobseeker: Cheese please – I’m not one to ham it up!

Recruitment Officer: Touche!