“A Writer’s Weekend” (A Short Story)

By Martin Anton Smith

So on holiday I was, after twelve months of too much work & not enough money. But I had at least been working with my hands, as the cosmos has intended for humanoids like us. I was pleasantly weary you might say.

But to put the rose tinted glasses down, boy this break was damn overdue, I was indeed frazzled. But I could still laugh & that’s important.

The ‘dread machine’ – and that’s putting it kindly -the thing we call ‘the economy’, had been all year grinding constantly away, with each turn of the cog shearing off a thin slice of my bodies proteins & assassinating a few of my brain’s neurons.

That’s how it all works. You gotta know these things. If you know it, you’ll be cocksure enough to brave a smile through life’s blizzards. If you don’t know it – you’re just another frowny humorless schmoe on a treadmill with a juicy carrot always just out of reach. You should never let yourself become something like that.

I had forced myself to have six days off, in the nearby city called Dunedin – a University town filled mostly of past glories. But those past glories have their charm, mainly in the Victorian & Edwardian architecture, built with that golden money made by the Central Otago diggers.

But enough of past history for a moment. So here I was on holiday in Dunedin. I was staying in a cheap writers room – which is always fun – you get great value at a great price. Of course they don’t advertise it as ‘a writers room’, but that at heart is what it is, at least for me and my ilk. These ‘writers rooms’ are cheap, cosy & must have been made well before 1960. They built rooms with character & real craftmanship back then.

I was High on High Street, but don’t get too excited about the connotation – The ‘drugs’ for us fazed cookies slash writers will be the yellowing pages of old books, & coffees & beers on a slow but constant drip-feed. These University towns have great books. These A+ books are a great by-product of the general swindle that’s going on – that is the squeezing of cash of people who should know better. I’m happy to live on these papery time capsule by-products.

The best books for me are the ones are those truth-a-tellin’, usually small-fonted, first-person-ers, & like good architecture – usually written well before 1960, but definitely before 1985. The culture became too warped after that, & especially in the art & books.

This is why they say there’s no good history books written after 1960. My theory is people had higher self esteem back then & were willing to risk their true selves being seen, becasue they also saw the reward in that – Truth.

With those books you’re getting a real story by someone who was somewhere in time, doing or seeing something interesting, & then retelling it for you many years later. It’s a genuine form of time travel. You’re literally listening to someone talk to you from the past. Most people are too dim to realise this. Even better, in a way, you can reply to them if you are of the few souls that put pen to paper, or perhaps should I say ‘finger to keyboard’.

Who know’s maybe one day in some version of an afterlife, the avid reader gets a chance to meet those gifted but very dead authors. You’ll get to have a conversation in real time with your beloved favourite authors. The twist no doubt will be that you’ll only get to meet the writers whose book you’ve read comprehended cover to cover, or perhaps totally misunderstood.

In that scenario you’ll see a tweed coated & cane holding Carl Jung walk by, & wish you had actually got round to reading Synchronicity. You’ll see Plato lying on a bench & get to quibble to him about his shadows on the cave wall theory of existence. You’ll shuffle up to a smoking slouching Kerouac & say man your book was so so overrated, I couldn’t get more than a third way through it! You’ll slur to Boswell, sure your Journal says you partied hard in ye olde 18th Century London, but did you ever do what I did at your in Melbourne Australia on King Street in the 21st?


Who knows, maybe in this Writers’ paradise maybe the truly messed up will even crack open a beer with Charles Bukowski, & share war stories about crazy exes.

Just imagine the shear beauty of all those once in a lifetime chances being available on tap. But then again what’s that they say about too much of a good thing?

Now my love of books is signalled, oh dear reader – I’ll continue with my writer’s holiday lodgings in Dunedin, the University town, which is also my old university town – from decades ago, but that’s another story & probably far more boring than this one.

On the rooftop level ‘executive suite’ level of this grande olde tomb, there’s a great breakfast area – window views of city & harbour, & even a balcony. I am here in my writers room. Of course, a dull man or woman twisted inside ‘the machine’ would quickly write this place off as a ‘dive’.

People brainwashed by the machine can’t discern the true value of things. This is the nature of their prison – the game they’re playing is in fact just the hologram. Then they can’t understand why they can’t truly grasp the hologram.

I highly recommend renting a single room like this, in some out of the way old building, built well before 1960 if possible – if you do this, it’s one of the few genuine ways a ‘poor man’ in this world can feel rich for a few days.

So I’m I’m up in the rooftop 3rd floor aspiring writers executive suite. I’m gonna enjoy hanging out in the dual breakfast, lounge & balcony area or so I tell myself – but as my story unfurls you will see this will be foiled by the man I will later on simply call ‘The Russian Spy’. He’ll annoy me, but i’ll enjoy it. Writer’s act like this all the time. Writers need material, & novel, weird or bad times deliver all that in spades.

So There he is – my future material. A product of the giant cog. Shoulders slumped & looking vacant & stressed. I see there’s a thirty five year told frowney face guy with a laptop, sitting furiously clacking away in the breakfast area executive level area with an ocean & city view that he won’t let himself notice. As I said earlier – cogs in the machine can’t see beauty. He’s alone at the big old formica table – I mean how could anyone with eyes to see want to be next to all that embodied cog-ness? Just as well I’m a writer.

I know his type instantly by looking at him – low eq, high Iq, low self esteem, massive massive ego. He has a weird look on his way too pale face, is semi-bald & will almost certainly be annoying as hell to talk to. I Sound judgmental & mean, but my experience pays. Some types people you can definitely read like a book. Being a profiler has always been a semi hobby of mine. All good writers are also good profilers, it goes hand-in-hand.

These guys ya are a dime a dozen – you’ve seen one, you’ve seen ’em all. if you make the mistake of trying your luck at chit chat, to say hi, to make conversation – you’ll regret it – boy will you regret it! They delight in stealing energy. At heart they’re all vampires.

So it was now time to fish for future writing material. I pipe up to him, speaking confidently.

“Hi what are you up to on that computer”

His face looks grey & devoid of all compassion, he’s got a downward trend mouth, he wears a black hoodie. He slowly looks up from the computer with squinted eyes. He speaks in disinterested monotone – the time that lets you know you’re not worth wasting his ‘genius IQ’ on. In this case his high pitched chirping Russian accent magnifies this effect.

“I’m a PHD student from Wellington University – it’s cheap here in this hostel”

He doesn’t elaborate & fails to ask me a return question – of course he doesn’t, that’s what you have to expect from these weirdos. My profiling predictions are panning out well.

Don’t get me wrong – there’s a tonne of great weirdos – but there’s weirdos & weirdos. There are ‘good entertainment weirdos’ Vs ‘boring bad energy-snatcher-monster-weirdos’ – after his first few sentences & body language, I’m 100% sure he’s the later kind. But that’s ok – as I said, I can write about both types.

These kinds of nerds always expect you to just sit there & take their “I’m Einstein & you’re just a bonobo with your finger up your butt” act. They want you to swallow politely swallow this turd act whole, & then shuffle off stage with your head down. As I said they are at heart, vampires. ‘The machine’ readily creates vampires.

These kinds of very-badly-aging-nerds have huge egos. They all think they are on the ‘success track’ & get wildly forever inflating Graf Zeppelin-like egos. Their only currency is IQ – their IQ. It’s all about them, always. This is way most academics who are top of their field are some of life’s biggest assholes – & incidentally they also love to eat their own.

True assholes cannot accept genuine camaraderie, they will always attack each other. After all – that’s how the machine rewards the biggest assholes, they get the so called ‘best jobs’. Just like a Professor or a CEO. All assholes with the exceptions proving the rule.

So anyway back to the story. I’m here in the writer’s-breakfast-suite-with-a-view looking at my “Russian Spy” & I decide simply to nip his ‘asshole play’ in the bud before it flowers & he becomes a mega-vampire. So to recap his opening sentence to me was this:

“I’m a PHD student from Wellington University, this place is cheap”

I reply to his sentence like a old school principal who had been a Seageant Major in the WW2 might have – in other words, I launch a pre-emptive strike. This approach could give me more material.

”No, what you really mean to say is this:

’I am a PhD student from Wellington who has come down to Dunedin, because Dunedin is cheaper than Wellington”

He is struck silent, but he doesn’t let it show that I’ve got to him, but I can tell I’ve made at least a small dint in his Intellectual vampiric armour. Theres silence for five seconds so I add the next question. It’s stock, so he will probably reply to.

“So what do you study?” I pipe.

“I study Archeology” he says greasily like he’s the Kremlin’s go-to Archeologist.

So I now can take aim & take the fatal shot. I shout over my shoulder to him as I nonchalently walk to the breakfast bench & put hot water on my cup of tea out of the kettle.

“So ya found any Dinosaurs yet?”. Sure that line sounds a bit bogan, a bit red-neck but there’s method it it. That’s actually a sharp high caliber verbal projectile, which could unsteady him.

He only says this –

”No Dinosaurs are not my thing”.

I kinda knew there would be no elaboration – I leave my words hanging in the air, about turn & leave the room to go about my day. I’ve turned the tables on my boy the “Russian Spy” – he got no vampires blood from me!. You gotta get up at 8:23 am in the morning to pull the wool over this writers eyes – oh, & I should clarify 8:23 is bloody early for us types. But I will add, he didn’t get rattled. Russians don’t rattle easily. If he is actually a spy, the doubly so.

For the next four days he totally ruins the vibe of the executive suite breakfast with a view area. He’s turned the breakfast area into his personal office with his grey frowny face, his balding head & his frantic keyboard clacking. He doesn’t once think to stop & look at the mighty sunny view. He is so low IQ he doesn’t care that he’s ruining this thing called a “holiday vibe” for everyone else staying in this hotel. I would say ‘including me’ – but as I said, we writers spin gold from horse-shit.

I’ve seen to many fools just like this – invariably they don’t add anything new to the world & they waste their IQ entirely – usually on someone else’s folly project – that someone else is just some guy exactly like him but older – like a PhD supervisor – & then this happens again with the head Professor. It’s a tiered hierarchical system of madness.

In this case I may be totally wrong – maybe he’s all he thinks he is & is gonna set the archeology world alight – but I doubt it. He’ll more likely be polishing vikings coprolites & calling it a ‘revolution in archeology’. I mean let’s be honest – statistically almost all professors won’t do anything new or groundbreaking. The raw numbers tell the story.

But back to my friend the “Ryssian Spy”. In the days after my “Found any Dinosaurs yet” comment, we avoid all eye contact, or any attempt conversation, & I accept he’s happy blindly ruining the holiday slash vibe in the ‘executive suite’ of the cheap hotel with his vampire-blob schtick. Great! it’s all material & I’ve just harvested some. I go about reading my pages, drinking my beer, & chatting with the Dunedin locals – which means mainly the cafe & bar staff.

A few days later I hear him talk Russian to someone on a laptop call – I heard the Rusiian word ‘Nyet’ – this is why I have referred to him in this story occaisionally as the “Russian Spy”. Yes, it’s a bit stock, but trust me it works. Now that a quarter of the 21st Century is gone, ‘Russian Spies’ are back in fashion.

Of course, I doubt he’s a actually a Spy, but you never know – if you were a Russian Spy, it would be wise to go for a hotel like this – ‘low brow’ places won’t attract suspiscion. But would a Spy put on a “I’m totally shit with people’ act? I doubt it. It draws too much attention – Spies arn’t suposed to put peoples backs up.

All the same, I have still dubbed him the “Russian Spy” – why not elevate his status a little from the valleys of being a “Wellington PhD Archeology Student”?

I was now checking out of my room. I noticed from my doorway, the “Russian Spy” was still at the helm of the ‘Breakfast area with a view’ – still sitting down at the formerly communal breakfast table. He had his back to me, so he didn’t know I was only a few paces away, looking at him plack away. Or to be more succinct – I was spying on him. He didn’t turn around – more evidence he’ not a Russian Spy. A real Russian Spy would have felt my eyes on the back of his head.

I notice he has a word document open. I sneakily recorded in my mind what he’s writing down. I’m as quiet as a mouse. Luckily, I have a photographic memory & sharp carpenters eyes. I can record it all for later analysis. I mesmerise the first few lines of what he had written. He never did turn around.

I leave the hotel. I go to my car load in my luggage & sit in the drivers seat. I take out my smartphone -to see what it was he wrote – these days translating foriegn language writing is a cinch. I write out the Russian words from my photographic memory onto my smartphone screen. I hit the “Translate to English button’. It said:

There is an annoying New Zealand guy who bugs me while I work – New Zealander’s are always so rude. All I’m trying to do is work quietly – this is after all why I came to Dunedin in summer! I’ve seen those older foreign westerner types before – they are all the same. They think they are Sergeant Majors or something, & they insist on irrelevant chatter. This is especially so for the older males. They clearly no nothing of us Russians. Hopefully he will check out soon, as I have a looming deadline & he’s ruining my study vibe. When he’s around it’s almost like he’s spying on me. Maybe he’s entertaining ideas of me being a spy – I can only hope he checks out soon. I can’t have anyone thinking that way about me”.

I put my keys in the steering column & turned the key. I heard a giant bang for a split second. Almost instantly my view had totally changed – I was not sitting in my car but was sitting alone at a small table a large Victorian-era style library. I got up & wandered over to the bookshelves.

I was struck dumb when I saw it not only only had all the books that I’d ever read throughout my entire life, but it also had all the books that were written throughout earths history that I would have read if given a chance.

Naturally the first thing I did was to go over & take out the ‘most read book ever’. I did so & flicked through to see if it was the same or different from Earth’s version. It was immediately obvious it was different. Then I suddenly felt someone’s eyes upon me as I held the giant book. I turned round to look.

A very tall healthy somewhat ancient times looking man with a extraordinary glowing complexion dressed in a spotlessly clean robe said “Yes you were right in what you were just thinking , in the Earth version they left out how I actually came to be me”.

Too shocked to say anything I just sat down at a table and flicked open the book & started reading. After a minute I looked up & the man was gone.

I put my head down & started reading. I spared a minute to take stock. All up, looking back I was pretty happy what had happened to me – I had this amazing book and an endless library of other great material on the shelves, & an infinite amount of time on my hands! And it was seeming all mine!

On top of all that I knew all the original authors would be around at my very whim for me to ask any questions I had of their material, & more importantly I could even boldly debate their unique thought provoking ideas!

I was definitely in somekind of intellectuals book based utopia!

As a added bonus, the overall lighting was perfect without any glare, the chairs were built for a billionaire, & the scenery out the big floor to ceiling library windows was of an ancient birdsong enveloped Triassic era misty rainforest!

I could see the rainforest was accessible from the library’s balcony meaning I could take a walk about it all when I wanted a break from the library.

I was definitely sitting in a bookworms paradise. Being blown up by that Russian Spy in my car on Earth was certainly a cosmic level stroke of otherworldly good luck.

I only had one gripe – where’s was the coffee machine & the cans of cold beer? Where was my pen & paper? Or a typewriter? Or word processor program in a computer? I couldn’t see any of that critical writers stuff anywhere? If I didn’t have that stuff – I’d have to start to questioning things.
I decided not to worry about it – I told myself I’d just wait it out & see what pops up. After all I’d only just arrived. I chastised myself for being my schoolboy-like impatience.

I went out to the balcony & took a giant breath of the crisp triple oxygenated ancient forrest air. I felt my energy refresh.

I walked down the balcony steps to have a look around. After all – nothing could go wrong – those books & those amazing dead authors surely weren’t going anywhere anytime soon.

As I walked along the fern encrusted forrest trail, the cacophony of birdsong enveloped me like a warm embracing cocoon.

But then something just slightly unnerved me – blow me down if I couldn’t here a faint annoying plasticky clacking sound in the mix…


The End.






“The Lucid Dream of Marcel Smithski – (Just Another Poor ‘Walter Mitty Of The South Seas’) (A Short Story/Ep 46 Podcast)

By Martin Anton Smith ( Listen to audio! Click here > https://spotifyanchor-web.app.link/e/omQpHtnaJub )

Marcel Smithski age 29 was definitely a Walter Mitty type character. He was a ‘History buff’, practically spending half his life bumming around musty old urban bookshops hidden down the numerous alleyways of his hometown of Melbourne Australia. He loved the obligatory parts of second-hand book store culture: the smell of the musty books, the nerdy bespectacled & rake thin staff always reading at the cashier desk. He loved the thrill of the chase, of finding that hidden gem such as Steven J Gould, Christopher Hitchens, Bukowski, Orwell, Hawking or Bertrand Russell or any number of the numerous brilliant minds that lined those dusty tall shelves.

After a typical book hunting session, he retired to his bohemian digs in St Kilda. He lived in a weird boarding house built in Edwardian times; it was at base beautiful property but like them all – it was now simply a faded memory of its former self. He continued the second half of his creature of habit ritual -shutting himself away in his room, lying on his bed and beginning a 7-hr read-a-thon. He was perusing his latest great find called “The Great Depression: A Diary by Benjamin Roth – a blow by blow account of the great depression years from the viewpoint of a professional man.

Not long into the session his mind began to think of the 1930’s – and this triggered his Walter Mitty dreaming. He was dreaming again of being the world’s only ever successfully ‘Benevolent Dictator’. Priorly of course, he had read about the 1930’s era of terribly nasty despots – with of course Hitler, Mussolini Stalin, & Mao Tse Tung being the most famous warlords.

Smithski started to think of the whole ‘1920’s -1940s rise of the Dictators epoch’ and why it had happened & what went wrong. Smithski thought to himself, as if talking to another deadbeat intellectual in one of the many St Kilda cafe’s along Acland or Fitzroy St.

“Their main problem was they forgot their roots – that of creating a better life for the working classes and the poor. All of them had at the start had the kernel of a better way for the downtrodden, the result being their emancipation from systemic bourgeois exploitation. But They all became corrupted with general adulation & fame, the company & adoration of the well-heeled aristocracy, personal opulence via casual access to other people’s money”.

In theory, Smithski knew that it wasn’t the fact that they were Dictators that made them all bad – it was that they had allowed themselves to be corrupted. This massive flaw – corruption – was the key tendency of centralised planning or leadership – & the core reason Dictators destroy their countries from within & if given the chance – everyone else’s.

Smithski, after much pondering had realised that if a single person – a ‘Dictator’ – could make the best decisions at the time, time after time & year after year – this would actually be the best form of Government. Logically we live in a world of decisions, often these are trade-offs & there is an ideal trade-off between two or more competing interests.

Often decisions are hard as they require difficult to collect & analyse data; decisions are hard because of bureaucracy, limited access to technology, lack of funds, political adversaries that block good ideas, an uneducated voting public etc etc. If your “Perfect Dictator” was multi skilled, a genius, hugely life experienced, technically proficient, persuasive, a great organiser, morally robust, healthy & confidant – then it would be best if he or she made all the hard decisions with no red tape or unnecessary voting theatrics. Smithski reasoned that one day the gem that was the ‘perfect singular leader’ would eventually happen – simply by mathematical chance coupled with the unfurling of thousands of years of Human history.

Smithski was lying on his messy bed, eyes glazed staring at the cobwebbed ceiling & dreaming of being that perfect Dictator that would indeed save the world. He imagined being the young proto benevolent Dictator who was just beginning to be noticed by the world.

Now deeply ensconced in the dreamtime he imagines penning & then delivering a perfectly imperfect speech to the world’s population. The topic? – it was about the most pressing matter of the current era – the War in Europe that had recently sparked when Russia Invaded the Ukraine. His speech in front of all the worlds ‘fake dignitaries’ & it’s billions of couch-sitting masses would be beamed to an Internet & TV audience of at least 4 billion. Smithski imagined himself making the speech from some Globalist thinktank conference podium that he’d somehow sneaked himself into through some shrewed underhand sleight of hand.

“Hello there fake dignitaries! You are the scum of the earth – and you know it. You have no values and no interests in making life better for your constituents. No, you have long since sold your souls to the “fake elites” who are much richer than you, have much higher status than you. You see that is the problem – you rats have all got into the Politician/Ceo/Executive game not to help your fellow man – you have got into the game to feather your own nest & to try to curry favour with those rich narcissists who actually want chaos for the 99% of the population.

These are the people who want to ensure slavery not only continues to exist – but they want to see it thrive. You see these devil inspired pond scum love exclusivity – they need to reject others. in this rejection they feel good – for they feel superior. You false elite have gathered here not to “save the world” as is in the blurbs of your press releases -you are here to reject your fellow man & to party with your fellow fallen angels.

You hate the average joe & jane. You have decided to make them as stupid as possible. If they are stupid slaves, they will never realise they are slaves thus never revolt. You aim is to destroy the truth. To do this your population my not want to read past History. To do this you have invented the mass internet service – which you initially allowed to be free and uncensored. This was the honey to catch the flies. Within a decade half the world was online. then you started to censor it – you started to mess with algorithms. These algorithms loaded the dice towards traditional players and away from anything new. Away from anyone that wanted freedom from your tyranny. You gave 3 men total governorship & control & censorship of the worldwide internet communications!”

Smithski took a breath – to assess the drawn faces in the crowd. There was the contorted masculine face of Ursela Van Der Lube – she had a massive upside-down frown. Her wrinkles were as deep as the Grand Canyon. Her eyes were like pinholes. Her hair was like a butch lesbian’s from 1989. She was the President of the EU – she was promoted by the American sector of the dark side – for her meekness and spinelessness. She was a German and she had allowed Germany to cede her sovereignty to the American shadowy faces that told her what to do. She allowed people to micro manage her.

There was messy blonde-haired & overweight Norris Nonsent – the current UK Prime minister. Nonsent was best described as a middle aged ‘Ancient Greek Parable’ quoting, over entitled boarding-schooler. Yes, this fat little piggy had a rode his silver tongue into 10 Downing Street, on the back of the orchestrated wave of Nationalism that was the fake news of the UK leaving the EU economic market. Of course, this “Public Vote for the Future Direction of the UK” was far from an organic popular initiative – it was all centrally planned by the Shadowers.

The Shadower’s had noticed that the public’s anger levels were reaching a dangerous crescendo, and could slip over from ‘sporadic anarchy’ – which they liked – into ‘general anarchy’ – which they didn’t want yet. To mitigate this they created a diversion – a ‘political mirage’ if you will. They fashioned a popular movement called “Next-Fit” – which was in actual fact just a retention of the ‘status quo’. The working man, woman & child would still be eating shite sandwiches & there would be no “Economic Divorce With The EU’ at all.

The theory behind the “Next-Fit” plan was that the potentially revolutionary, working-class & poor half of the public could be fooled into transferring their downtrodden anarchic energies into the non-violent chatter of “Fighting To Save Britain” & nationalistic proclamations of “I’m Voting for NextFit”.

This stealing & reworking of the working classes revolutionary mojo culminated in a “Pro or Anti NextFit” referendum vote. This would of course result in a pre-determined outcome – Yes Vote for NextFit, and the resignation of the current “anti NextFit” Pm. He would be replaced by the supposed people’s man & “Pro NextFit” Puppet PM Norris Nonsent. The incumbent PM would be the fall guy.

If all went right with the plan – which it did- the people would feel like they had triggered a mini ‘Peoples Revolution’, bask in their success, and thus a return to being easily controlled docile sheep. Mission accomplished.

There was the New Zealand Pm Jackie Aldren – she was relatively young at 41 and was handed the leadership because she was a woke meek careerist and an easily influenced nut job. Her prime asset to the shadow people was she adored celebrity & status. The more she had the more she could love herself. The more vacuous & famous people she could take selfies, the happier she was. She was rake thin and had 5 years into her Prime-Ministership started to look grey gaunt and cadaverous. She like the typical Shadow employee had always been a Public Servant – i.e. she had never been in an environment where ridiculous ideas naturally died off. The ‘Shadowers’, as he had dubbed them, never hired Politicians that had been independent & successful businessmen. They needed clueless morons who would shovel as much of their shit into the mouths of the captive poverty stricken, who were now as designed – a very mentally ill & downtrodden populace.

There was Andrew Laconizie – the Australian PM. He was of course ‘Just Another Wokester Premier’. But his situation was sadder than Jackie Aldren’s. He had been the son of a battler – a single mother on welfare. He had the chance as and MP and then as PM to try to make people like him have better lives. Laconizie had until age thirty, when he became a MP, lived a ‘tough life’ marked by poverty & privation. But because he chose politics instead of private industry – the die was cast. He wouldn’t be helping anyone. He had ‘put his hat’ into a game whereby you had to sell out any community values to progress upwards. In this rotten game called ‘Politics’ they had a strict rule: If you had been from a poor upbringing – they would only present the ‘ladder of opportunity’ if you agreed to pull the ladder up on the public once you yourself had climbed it. Andrew Laconzie had long since done his ‘devil’s deal’ & he signed his soul away on that shadowy dotted line.

There was French Premier Manuel Slamacaroon. This guy had a mummy complex. When he was 5 years old, he had become infatuated with his 29-year-old teacher. He told her he would marry her – and 30 years later he did just that. When he married her at age 35, she was one year away from claiming superannuation. T

he ‘Shadowers’ loved a freak like Slamacaroon. This guy was so odd he had no idea about the average ‘creme bun loving’ Frenchman that read and talked in the cafes. He had like all the numbskulls presided over a deteriorating society where his people lost wages, became mentally sick and committed suicide in record numbers. He had allowed France to lose sovereignty just like all those vacuous prior French & International Premiers. He gladly entertained the Fascism that was internet censorship. Yes, he took it from behind & the ‘Shadowers’ were the delivery boys.

Then there was John Bluffoon – the US President. He had a 10-centimeter line of drool hanging from his mouth, and was not just asleep but was snoring & breaking wind periodically. This guy was now 85 and drooling constantly, forgetting where he was, coughing uncontrollably, falling over all the time, talking in total gibberish. He – just like the others – had been installed as a ‘Puppet’ by the ‘Shadowers’, and so had no real power whatsoever. He could not even order the flavour of ice cream he wanted – his wife did that for him. In this case the Shadowers had installed him via two methods: stuffed fabricated ballots & and electronic voter machine fraud. Bluffoon’s presidential ‘win’ this second time around was successfully stolen from the real winner, the incumbent President – Don Trumpf. The Shadowers had redeemed themselves – the leader of the ‘free world’ was as per usual their Puppet, and they the Puppet Masters.

Before his presidency, Trumpf was a successful businessman & TV star – he was one of the most recognisable faces on the planet, known for his persuasion and supreme confidence – if not also a likable blowhard. Late in life, as he’d already achieved everything else, Trumpf decided to make a run for President – mainly just for fun. He never expected to ‘get in’ – but the disaffected working classes had voted him in on the back of his utopian working-class vision he had espoused in his stump speeches on the campaign trail.

Come mid-election night it was clear Trumpf had gotten in ‘accidentally’ – the Shadowers had assumed this ‘TV Celeb’ big talker would be seen as a joke by the people – so they didn’t bother rigging the election. He wasn’t seen as a joke. So Trumpf had his 4 years as President – much the Shadower’s chagrin. The next time they corrected for their mistake and paid ‘mules’ to stuff thousands of unmonitored ballot mailboxes with ballots that were printed off in their tens of thousands. It took only 90,000 of these harvested Ballots – all sent to ‘swing state’ ballot boxes coupled with electronic voter machine hacking – to steal the election.

Smithski was amazed he had not been taken off the stage yet – but them again he was just an uninvited guest who had simply walked up to the mic & started talking. He had thrived off the unpredictability of the situation. He was not upset, but was emboldened by the several thousand drawn faces of the governmental & corporate toady globalist puppets in the crowd.

He had flustered the officials off stage – they were flipping frantically through their clipboards trying to find a name that did not exist.

Smithski then decided it was time to out the Shadow People’s ‘Grand Plan’ – that is the depopulation of planet Earth via an orchestrated Nuclear World War 3. There would after the War be only be 500 thousand people left. this comprised of the core shadow people – which was 1000 people – and their 4000 strong friends & entourage; the remaining 495 000 would be their slaves – slaves for work & slaves for adult pleasures & other casual entertainment. With this new post ww3 world would have their own personalised & updated version of the bible’s Sodom & Gomorrah tale.

In this dystopia of their choosing, the 1000 strong elite status Shadowers would freely rape pillage and sacrifice the slaves – often even drinking their blood. Smithski was about to expose it all, he had hacked into the ‘Inner 5’ Shadow leadership – he had gained access to the email which had the manifesto of the “Sodom & Gomorrah & Depopulate Master Plan”. He would kill the plan before its final battle was ready to be rolled out.

Then he heard a loud ‘pop’ sound – his head was thrown back, he hit the ground, he felt blood flee from his stricken body. He had been assassinated. He knew this would probably happen – but he had prepared for this situation. He had arranged a system whereby if he didn’t stop the process each day, an email would send to every active email address ever activated. Tomorrow the people, the ‘great unwashed’ would have the Shadowers ‘Depopulation Plan’ Manifesto – and they could mount a rebellion. they would organise a pre-emptive strike on the structure of this global satanic inspired organisation. With the last few seconds of life his mouth formed a sweet grin -that of a man that had had a good life & knew his legacy would unfold as planned.

Smithski suddenly was awoken from his lucid daydreaming by an almighty racket from the kitchen. It was the sound of pots & pans flying and raised voices. It was the power crazy tall middle-aged Dutchman in a slanging match with his long-term adversary – the middle-aged fat Cypriot. Words were exchanged & pots flew but never a fist did fly. Being older men, they were happy to use old world, now unacceptable terminology.

“I’ll kill you, you, fat wog Cypriot c*nt”

“Try it you Stamp collecting Dutch Imperialist Wanker”

“I will you ugly fat mechanic dog!”

“You’re just a Dutch fag Loser!”

“Says you, you mulatto-man fatso pig!”

It always ended just at the point when you’d expect it to get physical – the Cypriot who was smaller would self-preserve and skulk back to his shack, while the Dutchie would glide back to his room self-satisfied & triumphant once again. At heart they were good guys – like many of the middle-aged life & had just done them in. All they had left to interest them was petty share-house pecking order politics.

“One day I’ll leave this weird dump” Smithski thought. One day I’ll find a better paying job, a decent woman & move into a much better street. Of course, Smithski knew this probably would never happen – at heart he loved the culture of being an intellectual bohemian in the gutters of life – for this would allow the Walter Mitty lifestyle to live on forever. A ‘Walter Mitty Character’ would never actually live in a mansion on a hill with a trophy wife, two children and a golf club membership – and neither would Smithski. Never ever would he step down in his role as the aging bohemian perennial daydreamer – always dreaming of alternate realities where he finally and at long last – ‘comes good’.

Smithski turned to the next page of “The Great Depression: A Diary”, as usual he had almost completely forgotten the details his latest lucid day dream, he knew this was a good one – but he wasn’t really that worried, knew another was brewing just around the corner of a delightfully musty, bookshelf at a bookstore down a dark alleyway.

As he flipped the page, he thought to himself – “If there was a new Great Depression, I wouldn’t even notice the difference – my life would hardly change”. This realisation sent a happy grin across Smithski’s whiskered, already too lined, but none the less rustically handsome face. He kept on reading – after all, it was only two minutes to midnight, with still four hours to go in his usual read-a-thon.

He was about to turn the page when he saw something move outside his open window – he didn’t worry as Carlisle Street in Saint Kilda was always awash with garden variety shadowy figures – be they prostitutes, pimps, drunks or con men. These types were unsavoury but statistically mostly harmless. Over time Smithski had realised they weren’t really any different from anyone else he met these days – it was simply a matter of degree. Smithski knew the real ones to fear were those inside the system & who were seen to be doing well – those were the monsters in plain sight, the ones that danced so happily together amongst the shadows, frantically worshipping some unseen gods.

  • contact me at martinantonsmith@gmail.com

Podcast Transcript: “Zen & the Art of Not Making Nukes”/”Claptrap The Monkey”/”Modern Woman”/ “Soldier Shares in WW3” Plus extended Intro

Welcome to The Baby Wants Its Bottle Philosophy & Poetry Inc. Podcast, a creative project by Martin Anton Smith, a NZ based creative. In this episode I read 3 New Poems: Zen & the Art of Not Making Nukes/Claptrap The Monkey/Modern Woman. When writing the intro for this podcast, I cannot but feel about the world in the same way as LENIN did when he said “Decades can pass without anything much happening, then suddenly many decades can pass in days”. For does not this quote sum up the situation the world finds itself in today?

The 2022 Ukraine-Russian war has been brewing for, you could certainly argue, since the fall of the Berlin wall 1990. Shortly after this huge event the US-led Nato Alliance begun an ever expansion towards Russia’s border. Of course, I should add the obvious fact that Putin did not like this fact, and had spent decades warning of his displeasure, as evidenced best by his 2007 speech. Of course, the Eu/Nato/US story is it happened overnight as isolated insanity in the mind of “USSR Empire Regaining” Putin. As with two playground adversary children who are called to the principal’s office for their over exuberance – the truth will naturally lie somewhere between these partisan and propagandised extremes. But sadly, no one bar a few commentators seems to be admitting this sober fact, and I fear this view will be soon silence completely as guilty of the crime of “being an apologist”. In War time it seems you aren’t allowed to be rational.

Fast forward to 2004 14 years after the Nato expansion and we saw a messy political coup whereby in a nutshell we saw a political rupture where Ukraine split from a view to Russia towards that of US Nato @ the Eu. However at least one area never accepted this or the elections that resulted in a political break away from Russia. This was the Donbass area. Thus in 2014 a border skirmish broke out as two breakaway regions announce independent statehood vs wider Ukraine. And I haven’t mentioned the Russian annexation of Crimea that same year – which went Putin’s and the Separatists way but raised the West ire in terms of economic warfare/sanction on Russia.

Now in the most recent event we see a full-blown invasion by Russia on the entire Ukraine. Of course, in the fog of war and war’s partisan propaganda, it is not necessarily obvious who is “the bad guy” and “who is the good guy”. Putin says he is a liberator of a rogue state and a defender of Donbass and Russia from Nato encroachment, while Nato/Eu/The West says essentially Putin is a new ‘Hitler’, but isn’t willing to directly enter the fray with troops for fear of sparking WW3.

We have Volodimir Zelenskyy the Ukraine president being painted as a Churchillian figure in the West. We have The West attacking Russia with economic warfare, which surely seem to be a risk factor for major blowback, even if only economic. It seems strange that the West is very cautious regroup troops, but happy to pull the trigger on sanctions and even target Russian citizens assets on foreign land. Could this not fan the flames of a new WW3? I will briefly say this: Are we the “Western nations” acting wisely with strategy to stop the War, to stop disaster and so much death and displacement of refugees? I am not sure we are acting wisely at all.

I am also concerned about private foreign citizens signing up for the war – but I guess this has always happened – famously Orwell himself did this is the Spanish Civil War. In a depressing thought, perhaps all those decades of relative peace were simply a mirage. Did we become complacent about War so much that we became loose with our morals and lost our stoicism? Or is this still with us simply hidden under layers of metaphorical clothing? I fear we have become deluded to think that our technology, scientists, false ‘economic wizards at the central bank’s’ and progress itself has improved our world and made it “self-repairing” of its many ailments.

Perhaps we have forgotten the cyclical nature of society, and we have now landed back to the looming crisis of the 1930’s. I fear whatever is happening may be an unstoppable force, and we are strapped heartily to the “Wings of Destiny”. The only certainty now is a mathematical truism. This War, and now mass sanctions and refugees have added many new variables to our world and thus a different “world line” of results.

We may look back at 2022 as the “end of an Epoch, and the Start of another. But no one, not the brightest of the bright can knows what the world will look like in 2032. Perhaps by 2032 we will look at the “TERMINATOR” 1984 movie as prophesy, and a kindly counter revolutionary called KYLE will save us from “the Rise of the Machines” – but if that is true, will the survivors know they were saved? Or would their memories of this be under lock and key in another timeline in another parallel universe?

One feels that an era similar to the “Quantum Revolution” of the first half of the 20th century is nearly upon us. It needn’t be the much hegemonic movie script dystopia prophesy of ‘artificial intelligence’. it will probably be totally unexpected as was the World Wide Web was as a socio-technical event. Perhaps we may need to live under Europa’s sea, or on Mars sooner than we think. You can’t leave anything off the table and what is on the table may be stacked astoundingly high.

The first poem “Zen & the Art Of Not Making Nukes’ has elusions to destiny, Predestination, forgiveness and will power. We all have a choice at the individual group and nation level to forgive without necessarily forgetting. Is war not simply an inability to forgive coupled with a dream of retribution? Is not war simply the emotional immaturity of a Politician and their generals who think victory will make them and their people more valuable and respected?

The second poem is a blunt assessment that we “the human race” are still “as Chimps”, with all these fangled ways (Suits, Smartphones, Elections etc) to deny it. It’s just a few words to say that we need to be more humble and less egotistical and materialistic. Though I am guilty of insulting Chimps, I would also like to talk out both sides of my mouth and say this: We should be learning from Monkeys and other animals and live simply more have more basic and sustainable lives. We really are a troubled bunch, and I would not be surprised if the Earth culled us back.

The third Poem is about those few Women that are simply the glue that hold our communities together. These are the Women who are really like an alien race in themselves, and rise above the more standard and ridiculous Men and Women. Yes, aliens do actually exist, and I’ve met a couple of them popping in and out of the fabric of the cosmos. But alas, I’ve never been smart enough to become good friends with one. Perhaps all the War needs is the love of these good ‘alien’ woman, who will stop all the silliness immediately? Stranger things have happened! Perhaps an Alien Female Legion from Trappist star system? Or have I gone too far? After all Alpha Centuri is closer at only 4.1 Light years.

The Fourth Poem I wrote yesterday, and Is an account of “Modern War” and its deep entanglement with money. It points to the insanity whereby many get rich via war. In the poem I posit that in the 21st the soldier themselves have become infected by “Portfolio Culture” and prefers the war continue, so that his “War Stocks Don’t Tank”. The Ultimate question is do we fight wars to make money, or do we make money to fight wars? The wise know that money and a decision to go to War is front in the minds of the topper-most politicians – who never have to fight in the trenches or send in their sons and daughters.

And so let’s begin.

ZEN AND THE ART OF NOT MAKING NUKES

She Did What She Did,

Because She Was Who She Was.

If She Had Done Something Different,

She Would Not Have Been Herself.

She Would Have Been Someone Else.

And The Same Goes For Me.

This Logic Is Robust!

And Armed With This Philosophical Toolkit,

You Can Forgive Histories Worst Tyrant,

Your Parents,

Your Siblings,

Old Schoolmates,

Your Boss & Workmates,

Your Ex,

And Maybe, Just Maybe –

Yourself!

And Anyway,

Learning How To Make Small Tactical Nuclear Weapons,

In Your Parent’s Basement,

Is far Too Costly,

Intellectually Difficult,

Time Consuming,

Personal Injury Causing,

Requires Too Many International Import Licences,

And Is Impossible To Do Without Arousing Suspicion

From The Neighbours,

Who Will Undoubtedly Soon Rat You Out To The Cops.

Your Mother Of Course,

Will Be None-The-Wiser.

So Don’t Go Down That Track.

Don’t Be This Headline:

Bitter & Twisted Middle Age Loser Arrested After Trying To Build Atomic Bomb In Their Mum’s Basement – Neighbour Tipped Off Police After A Series Of Loud Bangs & Flashes”

Just Accept:

“It Is What It Is” –

Glib But Perfectly Wise & Certainly True.

And Anyway,

Nuclear Armageddon Will Well Take Care Of Itself,

And In it’s Own Way,

Without Your Amateurish Involvement.

Claptrap The Monkey

The World Is Simply A Pantomime

A Show – A Drama – A Joke.

A Cast Full Of Chimps.

Chimps In Suits & Dresses.

Chimps With Money.

Chimps With No Money.

Nerd Chimps And Jock Chimps.

The Only Problem Is This:

The Chimps Don’t Know They Are Chimps.

Or That They Live in A World Of Make Believe.

They Certainly Don’t Know

That They Are Bad Actors.

This Fact Is The Missing First Page

Of All the History Books That Have Ever Been Written.

But Who Tore Them Out?

In other words,

A billion monkeys

all working at a billion typewriters,

Will eventually type the word

Honorific-abilitudin-itatibus.

END OF POEM

(NOTE : Honorific-abilitudin-itatibus eaning is “The state of someone that can achieve honors “. It is the longest word in Shakespeare‘s works; longest word in the English language featuring alternating consonants and vowels[11])

“Modern Woman”

She wears a cape,

She climbs walls,

Much to my chagrin.

She leaps in shadows,

She twists and shouts,

Watch out enemies.

Where wild men fight,

She whips up a storm,

Now they drink moonshine.

She’s forward in time,

She’s Backward in space

She’s colors in the sky.

She tries to trick,

She’s glad to gloat,

She lights the cosmic pipes.

She can hold

A beam of light

And see around the bend.

She said to the sun,

Can closer I come?

But will you melt my mind?

Soldier Shares in WW3″ 

At Forty-Three, I Got The Nod,

From Couch Blob to World War Three.

Now I’m Half Starving And almost Dead!

But I Haven’t Even Left Yet!

Now There’s a Constant Ringing In My Head.

Coz That Bullet Came From ‘Direction Z’.

But Don’t Despair, My Fellow Bean,

If The War Continues ’til After Tea,

My Share’s Go up 2000 per cent!

Lo and Behold! I’ll Upgrade From The Trench,

To A Raincoat – And Then,

To a Glamorous, High Ceiling Tent!

But If The Enemy Surrenders,

This Great War Will End,

And My Share’s Will Tank!

I’ll Be Skint, Flat Broke – Outa Bread!

But Never-mind Dear Chap,

I Messaged The Other Side,

And Asked Them Politely,

To Keep Up the Fighting.

So Not To Sell Us Short!

For In The Madness of 21st Century War,

Having No Money or Stocks,

Is Universally Agreed Upon As

a Fate Far Worse Than Death.

P.s. The Glorious Soldier Outlasted The War,

And Basks In the Sun Outside His Mansion,

In the Cayman Islands.

And Now Writes His Glorius Memoirs,

Of Trading Stocks,

Amid Whizzing Bullets,

Going Past His Ears,

In the Trenches,

On A “Smartphone”

At “The Front”.

Thank you for listening to the Baby Wants Its Bottle Philosophy & Poetry Podcast, A creative project by Martin Anton Smith, a NZ based creative. This podcast is available on Spotify or wherever you get your podcasts from.

Published by Martin Anton Smith creations ltd (NZ) © All Rights reserved. No Commercial Use or Commercial Public Broadcast Allowed Without Written Permission. Non-Commercial/Educational Broadcast is Freely Encouraged.