Sargeant Schwearing Wore A Big Moustache

And Wore It With Panache

But Alas this Man Was Too Bitter

And Rumoured a Distant Cousin Of Hitler!

He Would Come To My Bar

In A Volkswagon Beetle

He Would Pull Up A Pew

And a Regular Diatribe He Would Spew

I Will Now Recount The Story

In All Of Its Glory

Sargeant Schwaring Why Are You Swearing?

Is It Your Crap Job Or Nagging Wife

Or Too Tight Underwear You’re Wearing?

Or Is It The Weather, Or That Wild Dog

That On Your Paper-Round is Appearing?

Is It The Snob Next Door

Who Laughs Coz You’re Poor

Yet Cannot Afford To Fix His Own Door?

Is It The Politician Who Taxes You Silly

And Gives It To the Truely Rich

Or Is It Your Supervisor Who Of You Loves To Snitch?

Sargeant Scwearing Your Life’s A Hard One

With Virtually No Fun

Your Destiny’s Full Of Road-Blocks

And You Chew On Last Weeks Hog Hocks

You Live In Men’s Hostel Accommodation

With The Spirits Of Damnation

But Surely Soon Your Luck Will Turn

And Of Those Starry Nights You Yearn

You Will Ride Into the Sun

While Holding a Sugary Bun

Your Wife Will No Longer Nagg

Having been “Surgically Reverse De-Hagged”

The Money Will Flow

You’ll Be Revered For Things You Don’t Know

Men Will March In Your Honour

Unwitting That You’ve Made Them All A Gone-er

Oh My!, Sargeant Schwearing!, The Silver Lining Is Here!

So Now Celebrate It, & Swig Your German Beer!

That’s It Swig the Stein Down

All Over Your Army Fatigue Gown!

The Govt Spy Was Watching & Waiting

While You Were Gesticulating

He Pounced, You Flounced & He Said

“You’ve Had Too Much Drink

You’re Arrested, Arrested Big!

I’m Throwing You In The Clink!”

And now Your Oasis Has Turned to Dust

You Snatched Defeat From Certain Victory

Hmmm….It Kinda Of Reminds Me Of Distant History

Of This “Unfair Punishment”, You’ve Turned Three Shades Of Blue

And Now You Rot In Prison & Do Angrily Stew

Sargeant Schwearing I Can Only Assume

Is This Belated Payback For World War Two?

What’s That Sargeant? I Stabbed You In The Sack?

By Serving That Bavarian Beer You Happily Through Back?

Oh Schwearing, Of You, I Am Not A Believer

I Merely Pull Beers At The ‘Bertrunkener Biber’ – The Drunken Beaver

Oh Schwearing – My Dear Fellow

I’ll Ignore Your Shameful Bellow

Your Letters Get No Better

Of Prison Shackles Your Words Unfetter

But Sargeant Schwearing – You Lost Fair & Square

You Wanted The Beer – That Tasty Brew

Now I Suggest You Go Fester & Plan

The Outbreak Of World War Three,

My Little Man.

But I admit – You Do Entertain Us Very Mutch

In Your Nightly Performance Of Verbal Slush

You Might Even Call It

“The Drunken Everyman’s Beer Hall Putsch”.