To My Dear New Feline Friend From The Next-Door Suburb.

I Have Scratched These Words On Our Leafy Mutual Boundary Line,

On A Paper-Like Thinly Barked Tree,

As Is Our Standard Practice.

Please Forgive My Paw-writing.

In Answer To Your Prior Query:

I Have Two Slaves.

A Fat Female One & A Thin Male One.

They Have Been Annoying Me Lately.

Permit Me to Explain:

The Fat Female One Keeps Moving My Comfy Blanket,

That She Has Sneakily Has Also Taken For Herself,

As There Is Technically Enough For Us Both.

She Does These things Without Asking Permission.

Occasionally I Must Discipline Her When She Tuggs The Blanket Too Much.

I Rise Up From My Deserving Slumber & Soft Paw Her Chubby Fingers,

And I Combine This With A Hiss & Use My “If Looks Could Kill” Face.

After My Shrewd Tactics She Always Get The Picture.

The Skinny Male One Also Annoys By Spilling My Milk.

He Does This For Lack Of Care In Pouring The Big Milk Jug.

Both My Slaves Are Bad At Answering The Door,

Especially In The 11PM To 7AM Period.

Sometimes I Have To Scratch & Wail For An Hour,

& Often This Is Without Reward.

I Have Told Them To Arrange A Small Swinging Door For Ease-Of-Access,

But This Seemingly Falls On Deaf Ears.

Though I Must Admit They Are Occasionally Good At Some Things,

They Generally Mix My Food Up Well, & It Is Regular That The Other “Kibble Cats” Become Jealous.

It Is Marvelous That The Thin Male One Makes Sure To Not “Over-Garden” My Land,

Thus, I Have Plenty Of Chateaux-Le-Hidey-Holes At My Disposal.

I Could Continue, But I’m Sure You Catch My Drift.

My Slaves Are Imperfect But Are Generally Passable & Sometimes They Surprise Me.

Now Excuse Me, I Must Fly Over A Low Wall, Land On A Poor Sparrow & Devour Him Whole.

Yes, Like All Upper-Classes, I Still Love To Hunt,

And Then Play With My Food.

Nocturnally Yours,

The Well-Heeled Fellow Cat,

From The Adjoining Feline-Defined Suburb.

P.S. How Are Your Slaves Behaving? Do Tell Soon By Writing On The Other Side Of This Tree.