by Martin Anton Smith

My cat adopted me as a hungry abandoned kitten.

Initially I watched him through the glass on the front yard.

He would trap spiders on the lawn with his paw & then eat them.

I did not want a Cat so I squashed feelings of empathy.

For those first two weeks I would not feed him & chase him off my lawn.

On the third week I had put out some bread for the birds.

Then I saw him eating the bread himself.

It was then I realised that for a Cat to start eating bread,

things must be pretty direly bad.

I then knew I had better listen to that conscience of mine talking away –

The voice that was saying – “why don’t you take that poor hungry cat under your wing?”

SoI agreed & went to the fridge & got some juicy-red, rib-eye steak.

I cut it into cat-bite sized portions.

I took it out to him & put it down on the concrete patio.

Of course, this poor little cat wolfed it down greedily & voraciously.

Fast forward 5 years & he has become a healthy but spoilt cat,

Who gets fed 5 times a day & even has his own adult sized couch.

Interestingly the other week a 3-legged stray Cat turned up on my roof.

This Cat who I have named ‘Hop-ee’ looks down at us with bedraggled eyes,

My cat – named Squeeky due to his vocalisations – simply growls at him from below –

keeping a firm eye on him, but never climbing up & attacking or chasing him away.

I think Squeeky is letting him know he will allow him to visit a little,

But he better not leave his designated minor territory,

That has been allocated to visiting & so by definition, second-class-cat-citizens.

This tells me that perhaps Squeeky’s benevolent behaviour,

Is evidence that cats can remember their difficult ‘childhoods’,

& also show a certian empathy to another Cat who has suffered similarly,

But they are also wise enough to not give away equal status or sovereignty.

The lesser status interloping Cat is wise enough to ‘know their place’,

& be greatful for whatever is given to them.

Then I made the silly mistake of feeding ‘Hop-ee’ some of Squeeky’s biscuits.

I guess I certainly violated the accepted “Third-Party Peace Broker Protocols”,

By negotiating peace/treaty terms clandestinely without his knowledge.

When Squeeky saw Hoppee chowing down on his own vittles,

He meowed or more correctly – caterwailed protratedly & with acute jealousy.

Then followed it up with a swift swipe against my bare legs – drawing some minor blood.

It’s like he was saying, it his Cat-like-way

“Martin – my charity only goes so far with Hop-ee,

& it certainly does not extend to the sharing of my food, especially without my permission”.

I of course apologised profusely, As all 3rd Party Peace Negotiators in-the-wrong should.

However, a few weeks on, I can report that the trick is now on Squeeky –

As if I hatched a plan to feed both of them at the same time with Hopee on the roof

& Squeeky out-of-sight in the back yard.

Thus Squeeky is would be happily none-the-wiser to Hop-ee’s ‘biscuity roofy gulpings’.

Of-course in reality this orchestrated ‘cat-cold-war-detente-plan’ is imperfect given Hop-ee is a slow eater,

& Squeeky – a fast eater.

However it is a good enough work-in- progress-somewhat-workable-peace-treaty.

I can confirm that I have not been re-attacked & Squeeky’s jealousy filled growls are reducing.

And Hopee’s face is now much happier, his eyes brighter.

This story simply proves that animals can avoid & de-escalate war & manage peace talks via 3rd parties –

far far better & with less fuss than Humans through History have ever been able to.

I am sure when the Aliens finally visit earth they will say:

“Take us to your Cat – Leaders….but please don’t feed us their biscuits“