“The Fabricator Vs The Engineer Vs The Physicist” (A Poem – Features in Ep. 43 of Podcast)

Listen here:

The most common form of “Stolen Valour” is not someone posing as an Ex-Army Vet,

No Sir, that prize belongs to the ‘Fabricator’ that pretends to be an ‘Engineer’.

But should we really be surprised when a “Fabricator” is also a “Liar”?

I mean semantically the two words mean the same thing.

Words have Power.

Maybe this is why Fabricators love to call themselves “Engineers”.

But consider the brute facts:

Engineers don’t weld Trailor’s – Fabricators do.

Engineers can do higher math – Fabricators can’t.

Engineers have letters after their names – Fabricators dropped out of high school.

Engineers can ‘eat time’ – Fabricators are impatient.

Engineers live on the hill – Fabricators are willing to die on it.

But it would be a mistake to be snobby about Fabricators –

Society needs them – as weirdly we still need Well Welded Trailers just as much as we do Bridges, Cars, Computers & Aeroplanes.

A fabricator is an “essential worker”.

And a Fabricator can ‘Smell a Rat’ better than anyone – in true working-class fashion.

And there are more “Rats” out there than ever these days.

And let’s not forget the stereotype of the “arrogant engineer” – for there is an ounce truth in every stereotype.

However, Another Godlier Profession Trumps Both the Engineer & the Fabricator:

Those Awesome Physicists – The ‘Rockstars’ of Science’.

Yes, Physicists ‘lie’ – but these are “white lies” and used only to simplify their equations,

& so you – a total boob – can understand them.

There was a story about a Physicist caught ‘lying’ once,

But this was just hearsay as heard by a disgruntled Fabricator,

While eavesdropping on an Engineer, who sneakily called himself a Physicist.

What’s that you say?

About Physicist Richard Feynman?

About his supposed immorality?

Yes, he lied but only about his naughty deeds with his colleague’s wives – never about Physics.

Thus, the status of the worlds Physicists remains where it should be,

right next to the ‘God Particle’.

But then again, a Physicist often doesn’t wash for days & weeks while working on a tough equation.

And I ask you – should we all be forced to wear pegs on our noses for the sake of scientific progress?

So, I as judge, must call it a three-way tie between all the bastards.

The Fabricator, The Engineer, & the Physicist are all equally Good & Bad.

P.S. A near sighted fool might have said this to compare & contrast the three:

One probably has boils, one boils his kettle a lot, & the other lectures on “Boyles law”.

by Martin Anton Smith follow me on twitter/fb/Instagram: @mrschmitzo

Podcast Transcript: “Zen & the Art of Not Making Nukes”/”Claptrap The Monkey”/”Modern Woman”/ “Soldier Shares in WW3” Plus extended Intro

Welcome to The Baby Wants Its Bottle Philosophy & Poetry Inc. Podcast, a creative project by Martin Anton Smith, a NZ based creative. In this episode I read 3 New Poems: Zen & the Art of Not Making Nukes/Claptrap The Monkey/Modern Woman. When writing the intro for this podcast, I cannot but feel about the world in the same way as LENIN did when he said “Decades can pass without anything much happening, then suddenly many decades can pass in days”. For does not this quote sum up the situation the world finds itself in today?

The 2022 Ukraine-Russian war has been brewing for, you could certainly argue, since the fall of the Berlin wall 1990. Shortly after this huge event the US-led Nato Alliance begun an ever expansion towards Russia’s border. Of course, I should add the obvious fact that Putin did not like this fact, and had spent decades warning of his displeasure, as evidenced best by his 2007 speech. Of course, the Eu/Nato/US story is it happened overnight as isolated insanity in the mind of “USSR Empire Regaining” Putin. As with two playground adversary children who are called to the principal’s office for their over exuberance – the truth will naturally lie somewhere between these partisan and propagandised extremes. But sadly, no one bar a few commentators seems to be admitting this sober fact, and I fear this view will be soon silence completely as guilty of the crime of “being an apologist”. In War time it seems you aren’t allowed to be rational.

Fast forward to 2004 14 years after the Nato expansion and we saw a messy political coup whereby in a nutshell we saw a political rupture where Ukraine split from a view to Russia towards that of US Nato @ the Eu. However at least one area never accepted this or the elections that resulted in a political break away from Russia. This was the Donbass area. Thus in 2014 a border skirmish broke out as two breakaway regions announce independent statehood vs wider Ukraine. And I haven’t mentioned the Russian annexation of Crimea that same year – which went Putin’s and the Separatists way but raised the West ire in terms of economic warfare/sanction on Russia.

Now in the most recent event we see a full-blown invasion by Russia on the entire Ukraine. Of course, in the fog of war and war’s partisan propaganda, it is not necessarily obvious who is “the bad guy” and “who is the good guy”. Putin says he is a liberator of a rogue state and a defender of Donbass and Russia from Nato encroachment, while Nato/Eu/The West says essentially Putin is a new ‘Hitler’, but isn’t willing to directly enter the fray with troops for fear of sparking WW3.

We have Volodimir Zelenskyy the Ukraine president being painted as a Churchillian figure in the West. We have The West attacking Russia with economic warfare, which surely seem to be a risk factor for major blowback, even if only economic. It seems strange that the West is very cautious regroup troops, but happy to pull the trigger on sanctions and even target Russian citizens assets on foreign land. Could this not fan the flames of a new WW3? I will briefly say this: Are we the “Western nations” acting wisely with strategy to stop the War, to stop disaster and so much death and displacement of refugees? I am not sure we are acting wisely at all.

I am also concerned about private foreign citizens signing up for the war – but I guess this has always happened – famously Orwell himself did this is the Spanish Civil War. In a depressing thought, perhaps all those decades of relative peace were simply a mirage. Did we become complacent about War so much that we became loose with our morals and lost our stoicism? Or is this still with us simply hidden under layers of metaphorical clothing? I fear we have become deluded to think that our technology, scientists, false ‘economic wizards at the central bank’s’ and progress itself has improved our world and made it “self-repairing” of its many ailments.

Perhaps we have forgotten the cyclical nature of society, and we have now landed back to the looming crisis of the 1930’s. I fear whatever is happening may be an unstoppable force, and we are strapped heartily to the “Wings of Destiny”. The only certainty now is a mathematical truism. This War, and now mass sanctions and refugees have added many new variables to our world and thus a different “world line” of results.

We may look back at 2022 as the “end of an Epoch, and the Start of another. But no one, not the brightest of the bright can knows what the world will look like in 2032. Perhaps by 2032 we will look at the “TERMINATOR” 1984 movie as prophesy, and a kindly counter revolutionary called KYLE will save us from “the Rise of the Machines” – but if that is true, will the survivors know they were saved? Or would their memories of this be under lock and key in another timeline in another parallel universe?

One feels that an era similar to the “Quantum Revolution” of the first half of the 20th century is nearly upon us. It needn’t be the much hegemonic movie script dystopia prophesy of ‘artificial intelligence’. it will probably be totally unexpected as was the World Wide Web was as a socio-technical event. Perhaps we may need to live under Europa’s sea, or on Mars sooner than we think. You can’t leave anything off the table and what is on the table may be stacked astoundingly high.

The first poem “Zen & the Art Of Not Making Nukes’ has elusions to destiny, Predestination, forgiveness and will power. We all have a choice at the individual group and nation level to forgive without necessarily forgetting. Is war not simply an inability to forgive coupled with a dream of retribution? Is not war simply the emotional immaturity of a Politician and their generals who think victory will make them and their people more valuable and respected?

The second poem is a blunt assessment that we “the human race” are still “as Chimps”, with all these fangled ways (Suits, Smartphones, Elections etc) to deny it. It’s just a few words to say that we need to be more humble and less egotistical and materialistic. Though I am guilty of insulting Chimps, I would also like to talk out both sides of my mouth and say this: We should be learning from Monkeys and other animals and live simply more have more basic and sustainable lives. We really are a troubled bunch, and I would not be surprised if the Earth culled us back.

The third Poem is about those few Women that are simply the glue that hold our communities together. These are the Women who are really like an alien race in themselves, and rise above the more standard and ridiculous Men and Women. Yes, aliens do actually exist, and I’ve met a couple of them popping in and out of the fabric of the cosmos. But alas, I’ve never been smart enough to become good friends with one. Perhaps all the War needs is the love of these good ‘alien’ woman, who will stop all the silliness immediately? Stranger things have happened! Perhaps an Alien Female Legion from Trappist star system? Or have I gone too far? After all Alpha Centuri is closer at only 4.1 Light years.

The Fourth Poem I wrote yesterday, and Is an account of “Modern War” and its deep entanglement with money. It points to the insanity whereby many get rich via war. In the poem I posit that in the 21st the soldier themselves have become infected by “Portfolio Culture” and prefers the war continue, so that his “War Stocks Don’t Tank”. The Ultimate question is do we fight wars to make money, or do we make money to fight wars? The wise know that money and a decision to go to War is front in the minds of the topper-most politicians – who never have to fight in the trenches or send in their sons and daughters.

And so let’s begin.

ZEN AND THE ART OF NOT MAKING NUKES

She Did What She Did,

Because She Was Who She Was.

If She Had Done Something Different,

She Would Not Have Been Herself.

She Would Have Been Someone Else.

And The Same Goes For Me.

This Logic Is Robust!

And Armed With This Philosophical Toolkit,

You Can Forgive Histories Worst Tyrant,

Your Parents,

Your Siblings,

Old Schoolmates,

Your Boss & Workmates,

Your Ex,

And Maybe, Just Maybe –

Yourself!

And Anyway,

Learning How To Make Small Tactical Nuclear Weapons,

In Your Parent’s Basement,

Is far Too Costly,

Intellectually Difficult,

Time Consuming,

Personal Injury Causing,

Requires Too Many International Import Licences,

And Is Impossible To Do Without Arousing Suspicion

From The Neighbours,

Who Will Undoubtedly Soon Rat You Out To The Cops.

Your Mother Of Course,

Will Be None-The-Wiser.

So Don’t Go Down That Track.

Don’t Be This Headline:

Bitter & Twisted Middle Age Loser Arrested After Trying To Build Atomic Bomb In Their Mum’s Basement – Neighbour Tipped Off Police After A Series Of Loud Bangs & Flashes”

Just Accept:

“It Is What It Is” –

Glib But Perfectly Wise & Certainly True.

And Anyway,

Nuclear Armageddon Will Well Take Care Of Itself,

And In it’s Own Way,

Without Your Amateurish Involvement.

Claptrap The Monkey

The World Is Simply A Pantomime

A Show – A Drama – A Joke.

A Cast Full Of Chimps.

Chimps In Suits & Dresses.

Chimps With Money.

Chimps With No Money.

Nerd Chimps And Jock Chimps.

The Only Problem Is This:

The Chimps Don’t Know They Are Chimps.

Or That They Live in A World Of Make Believe.

They Certainly Don’t Know

That They Are Bad Actors.

This Fact Is The Missing First Page

Of All the History Books That Have Ever Been Written.

But Who Tore Them Out?

In other words,

A billion monkeys

all working at a billion typewriters,

Will eventually type the word

Honorific-abilitudin-itatibus.

END OF POEM

(NOTE : Honorific-abilitudin-itatibus eaning is “The state of someone that can achieve honors “. It is the longest word in Shakespeare‘s works; longest word in the English language featuring alternating consonants and vowels[11])

“Modern Woman”

She wears a cape,

She climbs walls,

Much to my chagrin.

She leaps in shadows,

She twists and shouts,

Watch out enemies.

Where wild men fight,

She whips up a storm,

Now they drink moonshine.

She’s forward in time,

She’s Backward in space

She’s colors in the sky.

She tries to trick,

She’s glad to gloat,

She lights the cosmic pipes.

She can hold

A beam of light

And see around the bend.

She said to the sun,

Can closer I come?

But will you melt my mind?

Soldier Shares in WW3″ 

At Forty-Three, I Got The Nod,

From Couch Blob to World War Three.

Now I’m Half Starving And almost Dead!

But I Haven’t Even Left Yet!

Now There’s a Constant Ringing In My Head.

Coz That Bullet Came From ‘Direction Z’.

But Don’t Despair, My Fellow Bean,

If The War Continues ’til After Tea,

My Share’s Go up 2000 per cent!

Lo and Behold! I’ll Upgrade From The Trench,

To A Raincoat – And Then,

To a Glamorous, High Ceiling Tent!

But If The Enemy Surrenders,

This Great War Will End,

And My Share’s Will Tank!

I’ll Be Skint, Flat Broke – Outa Bread!

But Never-mind Dear Chap,

I Messaged The Other Side,

And Asked Them Politely,

To Keep Up the Fighting.

So Not To Sell Us Short!

For In The Madness of 21st Century War,

Having No Money or Stocks,

Is Universally Agreed Upon As

a Fate Far Worse Than Death.

P.s. The Glorious Soldier Outlasted The War,

And Basks In the Sun Outside His Mansion,

In the Cayman Islands.

And Now Writes His Glorius Memoirs,

Of Trading Stocks,

Amid Whizzing Bullets,

Going Past His Ears,

In the Trenches,

On A “Smartphone”

At “The Front”.

Thank you for listening to the Baby Wants Its Bottle Philosophy & Poetry Podcast, A creative project by Martin Anton Smith, a NZ based creative. This podcast is available on Spotify or wherever you get your podcasts from.

Published by Martin Anton Smith creations ltd (NZ) © All Rights reserved. No Commercial Use or Commercial Public Broadcast Allowed Without Written Permission. Non-Commercial/Educational Broadcast is Freely Encouraged.

“The Physicist and the Student” (A Skit/Play)

“The Physicist and the Student” a skit comedy, created in 2020 by Martin Anton Smith, a New Zealand based Creative

Background, a student is rushing through a university town, as he running late for an appointment for a job interview, he stops asks the time of citizen on the street, who unbeknown to the young man, just happens to be a Physicist, who is on the way to his lab.

Student: What time is it?
Physicist: That depends
Student: On what?
Physicist: Well, your relative motion for one
Student,: You fool, were standing next to each other
Physicist: yes but you were running toward me before, while I was walking – I must know your average speed up until now, relative to the ground, I will do the same for myself, and then I can the two times
Student: What? Two times? What do you mean man? Oh I’m gonna be so late….
Physicist: As Einstein said – times relative, so there’s a time for you and a time for me – so what’s your average speed, relative to the ground?
Student: Look man! I can’t believe I’m saying this, but I left my home in St Kilda 3 minutes ago, and that’s about 1 Mile away, now please tell me the time!
Physicist: ok ok don’t spin the telescope! Will you please use the metric system, us scientist all use the metric system …we need meters per second, not miles per minute – just as well I’m great at maths, I will do the necessary conversions
Student: Thank god! Now please hurry – I’m still late you know!
Physicist: God? Oh my dear boy there is no God- it’s all a cosmic quantum generated random event…anyway…ok ok I know your average speed now
Student: Finally! So what time is it?
Physicist: Oh wait, I forgot there’s something else…
Student: What is it now? Oh man I’m not gonna get this job I can feel it…
Physicist: Well Einstein also said Time is also relative to a gravitational field…..you don’t live in a high-rise apartment or in an underground bunker, do you? Because I live in a detached house, my gravity is pretty much middle-class gravity.
Student: I live on the 5th Floor of my building ok, now hurry please!
Physicist: (he takes out his notepad and mumbles to himself, as he makes his calculations) ok ok , so in terms of velocity, I calculate that your time is 3 Pico Pico Pico seconds slower than mine, and my time is 5 past two – so your time is 3 Pico Pico pi seconds less than that
Student: (speaking sarcastic tones,) Oh that’s a relief, I was worried about that, I really was if you were only two Pico seconds different, I’d be really really worried!
Physicist: Hey don’t get ahead of yourself, I haven’t given you the gravitational component yet!
Student: (speaking in resignation, )oh man ! please just give it to me!
Physicist: Ok Ok ok , Einstein said that clocks in a higher gravitational field move slower that those in lower fields – so you live A high rise so you gravitational field is lower than mine, so you clock moves faster than mine by 3pico Pico, Pico seconds….so amazingly that cancels out to mean between gravity and speed, our clocks completely agree
Student: It’s a miracle! I feel blessed!
Physicist: No Miricle silly, just good science my boy.
Student: ok ok ok, that’s good, so what time is it?
Physicist: oh it’s two thirty.
Student: Oh great! I’ve still got time!
Physicist: Don’t be so sure
Student: What? But you’ve just confirmed the exact time to me scientifically!
Physicist: well yes, but I always set my watch forward 15 minutes backwards, so it’s really actually two forty-five, in my frame of reference, of course. I do this because I prefer to be late for appointments you see, don’t ask why – it’s just a ‘physicist thing’.
Student: oh that means I’m late, I knew it!
Physicist: Oh your late, that’s great! It will show your not over eager, and if it’s a physicist your meeting you’ll be right on time! Who are you meeting?
Student: (scratches his chin in thoughtfulness) Oh that’s True…, it’s an interview for a lab assistant at Blackbody University, the guys name is ….(he looks down at his notes he is holding in His hand), Dr Cyril P Lightyear
Physicist: Why that’s me! I had forgotten about that job applicant, thank god you stopped me!
Student: wait a minute….I thought you said God didn’t exist?
Physicist: Just a figure of speech my boy! I can tell your up for the job, I’ll hire you on the spot, by Jupiter! now when can you start?
Student: That depends on Einstein’s special and general theory of relativity, sir – shouldn’t you of all people know that!

Physicist,: Yes my boy, you’ll do well in this job, your as quick witted as Richard Feynman, who by the way brazenly stole my secretary in 86! 

Student: I hope he didn’t steal your theories too? 

Physicist: Well yes he did, my silly secretary told him my theory of Quantum Electrodynamics, I asked her why she did that and she said something about big eyes and smooth pillow talk!

Student: Don’t worry doc , Fame, Money, Science Groupies, and respect of your peers are probably greatly overrated anyway – and you will always know what you created.

Physicist: True, I’d rather be a small virtuous, scruffy little known physicist on the  outer rim of the Milky Way, than some grandstanding pompadour with his head some stolen clouds any day!

Student: I believe in you sir !

Physicist: now all this science talk is making me hungry, would you care to join me for a meal at the faculty cafeteria? We can talk about your first day on the job as my forever faithful assistant.

Student: Sure, what’s the name of this joint?

Physicist: it’s called, “I’m starving in a donut shaped universe, so let’s all eat” 

Student: You Physicists have a great sense of humour, sir.

Physicist: Quite true, we are generally funny, messy and smart. Just ask my friend Alan Guth!

Student: oh yeah, that’s right, Alan Guth was the Physicist who won the “messiest ever office” award didn’t he?

Physicist: Yes, though it was very close between him and Einstein, it all came down to a single mouse dropping, would you believe?

Student: I don’t doubt it, but I hope that you are not that messy sir!

Physicist: Don’t worry the mice are mostly eaten by the 7 stray cats – I call them “Schrodinger’s, Mouse, Service”, they do a stand-up job, even though they are all, quantum mechanically speaking, half dead, half alive and living in a box. 

Student: and on that beautiful life moment sir Cyril P Lightyear, let’s eat. 

Physicist: Sure, let’s do it, but wait I never got your name…?

Student: oh my parents were also Physicists, so I was named after the “second law of thermodynamics”, and my given names are “Maximilian Disorder” 

Physicist: Well, I feel your pain, being called “Cyril P Lightyear” wasn’t much fun in school either! But at least no one found out my middle name! 

Student: what is it sir? Is it Photon? Is it Pauli? Is it Plasma?

Physicist: Plank, it was Plank – how terrible that would be , Cyril Plank Lightyear! What a name! 

Student: Speaking of weird physicist names, don’t you think it was weird you had your secretary stolen and seduced, by Richard Feynman, – as in Dick, Fine, Man? I mean the irony! 

Physicist: Yes, I am well aware of the irony, I think this is proof we are living in a simulation, you know we Physicists take that conjecture very seriously these days, in fact most of us believe it’s true. For If there is life out there, they are more likely to be intelligent, and so would create virtual universes in simulations and these would far outweigh the organic real home-grown Big Bang type universes. 

Student: (he says speaking worriedly) WOW my heads spinning! We can’t be a simulation! What about Plato? What about cognitions ergo sum, you know, “I think therefore I am”. 

Physicist: Oh no dear boy, your living in the past we modern Physicists have updated that dictum of Plato’s – well-meaning though it was. 

Student: Go on, continue, do tell, enlighten me, 

Physicist: we now say this 

student: Yes! yes! yes!

Physicist: “I think I think, but those odds are wildly improbable , Therefore, I am, a simulation 

Student: Plato’s motto was way more catchy 

Physicist,: Touché Touché – now  let’s go get a “ Plate , O , Donuts”  at the faculty cafe – my simulated brain is sugar low…and soon I will be called “Cyril Plank  Pass out” 

Student: (says somewhat sarcastically) Ok Ok ok ok ok sir, I agree with you – we must eat a big plate of donuts I.e. we must selfishly and maximally increase the entire universes entropy, send it hurtling towards a state Maximum Disorder, and so quicken the heat death of the universe, all so to to stop the rumbling tummies of a couple of space cadets like us, that aren’t even real in the first place! – GOTCHA sir, makes perfect sense!   

Physicist: My God, You’re brilliant! These Simulated Universe Destroying Falsely Delicious Donuts are on me! 

Student: , GULP!!

 

End scene.