Tag: Families

Book Review: ‘THE MIRROR BOOK’ BY CHARLOTTE GRIMSHAW

Published By: Penguin

Rating: 4.5 Stars Out Of 5

review by Martin Anton Smith martinantonsmith@gmail.com

WARNING MAY CONTAIN SPOILERS

I read this book inside 2 days. This was actually the best book I had read for a while. Charlotte Grimshaw is a well-known novelist & the daughter of a “heavyweight of NZ literature” – CK Stead. This is her autobiography. She is a woman in her mid 50’s her career started in Law but then she quickly left to pursue writing & “the rest is history”.

I have not read any of her Novels but was interested to read the book after a family member read the book & also having read an article which also mentioned the book (or was it a radio interview? It’s a bit hazy).

This book is roughly split between description of/trying to figure out her early life as raised by her parents – the one she saw as a child & the one she has looked back on as an adult. The other half is about an early relationship with a troubled Lawyer who was manipulative & often abusive; her next relationship with her husband & a break up & the swift reunion.

The Book describes how CK Stead her high status father who was also a university professor as well as a writer constructed a “public family persona” that was often incongruent with reality according to Grimshaw. She mentions that her father would often describe their family as essentially “happy normal interesting with a minimum of piety, yet there was plenty of odd things happening to refute this description. She mentions her father would often flip out over small things – such as starting a new bottle of jam before the other was finished. She mentions his bad temper & yelling was appraised by her mother as “particle male energy to be respected”.

She mentions the many affairs her dad had which were swept under the carpet by the family & namely her mother. She mentions that her mother didn’t really seem to like her & often gave people the silent treatment – which Charlotte was exposed too for a period of years. She mentions that she went off the rails as a teenager, including run ins with the law for petty crime, yet this was seen as a positive thing by her selectively anti authority parents (They didn’t like Teachers or Cops in particular).

She talks briefly of a terrible house sharing situation she ended up in after leaving the abusive first love – a bunch of males who eventually kicked her out for upsetting a friend in conversation. She writes that her father & mother seem to automatically favour the male in public sex scandals – indicating they are actually very old fashioned & conservative despite the veneer that a literature family is going to always be “progressive”.

Yes, this book is largely about outing the contradictions she regularly faced. It’s also about “gaslighting” – being told she has lost her sanity when bringing up alternative narratives to that of her father & mother. It’s also about being a mother & wanting to raise her kids differently & with more respect for institutions/authority. She mentions her inability to have close relationships with females & how she goes to a female therapist to help resolve this on top of the therapy she requires to help her answer life’s questions.

This book I believe was almost required to be written – as if Charlotte had to write it to finally “set the record straight” – to remove a monkey on her back. It is as if She wanted to exorcise the spirit that was the fabrication of her early familial life story. A story that was actually a false, self-serving appraisal by primarily her father, but ably supported by her mother.

Writing a book like this takes a lot of guts – her parents are still alive and of very old age. Not many writers would risk massively upsetting their parents & remaining family members by writing a book that lays out the family in a plain light of day. Not many non-writers would even have the guts to talk privately about these matters. This I believe is the reason the book is really good. It’s ‘truth factor’ is huge, mountainous. The reader wonders how much this has affected Charlotte’s current relationship with her parents – although we are told the answer to some of this by the fact that her father has said “I remember things differently”.

This book will make you think about yourself & your relationship with your family. Readers will see a lot of Charlotte’s story in their own families. Many Parents will actively promote a “polished” to “totally fake” version of the family they created & raised – after all we would expect that, it’s it the Parents self-interest to do that after all. But of course, the children will be hurt by extremely false appraisals that cover up the hurt they felt – this book is a testament to that. Many children now adults will sympathise with Charlotte’s experiences.

Many Parents now elderly will recognise their own whitewashing of family history & perhaps will feel embarrassed. Perhaps The Mirror Book will help build a few bridges within middle age children & elderly parents – even if in true NZ ‘sweep under the carpet’ culture specifics may never be raised – & that would be a great thing.

Charlotte Grimshaw showed a tonne of guts to write this kind of warts & all autobiography, and it worked a treat. It also makes me wonder about her father’s work – having not read any of it.

As an aside – this book reminds me (because of the descriptions of the father) of the “They are a bastard but they made good art” phenomenon. Do bastards make better art? Is CK Stead a bit of a ‘Bastard’? Is his work actually really good? I will read at least some of his work in the near future perhaps – I wonder after reading The Mirror Book if I will think to myself am I being deceived here, are his characters wolves in sheep’s clothing?.

The books style is very easy to read – straight, simple & to the point – and that’s why I read it inside two days. The chapters aren’t too long. The book isn’t too long or too short.

The only mild criticism I have is the first 100 pages felt a little laboured, & perhaps 25 pages could have been swapped out for more of what came after the first 100 – i.e. the really interesting stuff. But apart from that minor quibble it’s a solid 4.5 stars out of 5.

It will be interesting to delve into one of her fictional works & see if they are as good as this autobiography.

“The Mirror Book” By Charlotte Grimshaw Is Published By Penguin & is available online & in bookstores.