“Sometimes It’s Hard To Know” (Prose)

Two older men laughing and drinking at a busy pub table

by Anton Martin Smith antonmartinsmithwrites@gmail.com or martinantonsmith@gmail.com

Sometimes it’s hard to know if you are wasting your life or not.

You see it’s not so cut & dry to know.

In the “standard delusion of the masses case” you are supposed to be an office slave.

And of course everyone has to pretend they are not selling their lives just to exist.

In Slave-o-land everyone’s gotta pretend they are working on a ‘career’.

And if you don’t do that in a big city you have to accept being ‘hated on’ by the other slaves.

Yes – you can be a poor slave with a ‘shit job’ in a big city but you can’t dare smile.

The ‘career slaves’ can’t dare mix with the ‘self aware slaves’.

For anyone with a shit job with shit pay but can also laugh is someone to be deeply suspicious of.

You see the ‘career slaves’ think they are better than the ‘no career slaves’.

It really is fucked up.

That in this world slavery is sliced and diced and also has many layers like an onion.

Their are ‘upper class slaves’,

Middle class slaves,

And ‘lower class slaves’.

And each main class has it’s sub-classes.

For example an upper class slave working at a University sneers at the biz exec slave and vice versa.

There are a million other subtypes like this but I won’t bore you – if your reading this you know already.

yes pals – it’s Slave-o-land and its banal everyday ways is the standard undeclared insanity of our times.

And Bukowski summed it up well when he said this:

“Slavery never ended it was just expanded to include all the colors”.

If you are wondering what type of slave I am, I will just say this:

I’m the one who knows he’s a slave and does his best to ‘steal’ a few hours on the sly.

This mostly takes the form of laughing in it’s wrinkly bloodless disapproving mask-countenance.

You see I’m onto it all and ‘have bin’ most my life – even when I office-slummed it for a decade.

I also don’t care that the career slaves that don’t know it all hate me and my type.

You see in this soul crushing slave system your only hope is see the loophole,

Just into them, take a free snooze & shout “fuck you” to the career slaves.

Of course I want them to know they are slaves and careers are an illusion.

That’s why I wrote this piece, after all.

But the problem is that most of them don’t read.

They are too strung out and tired from the accoutrements of modern career slavery.

Which is of course all part of the social-prison-cell-system.

But a few of them do read,

So this is aimed at them.

And if you die in a ditch while reaching for a loophhole –

Is that really that bad an outcome, relatively speaking?

At least the ditch is an honest no frills place to hang out.

And the kids and the cats do it all the time without a second thought.

Of course I am probably over romanticising the ditching of modern slavery.

I have probably over counted the number of loopholes available at any one given time.

So it would be remiss to not admit that escaping the beast of modern slavery is no mean feat –

But at the very least – people should know that careers are a scam to enslave.

If you know that at least you have something to rebel against.

Of course the ills of graduating from being to a ‘slave’ to a ‘slave master’ is prose for tomorrow.

Damn I’ve written another depression piece of writing again haven’t I?

How Schopenhauer of me.

How Bukowski of me.

I wonder if those two would have got on or not?

Probably but you never know.

I wouldn’t mind a boozy night with them both.

“The Corp World More Than Just Sucks” (A thought).

Workers sorting books in a factory filled with gears, clocks, and conveyor belts

by Anton Martin Smith antonmartinsmithwrites@gmail.com or martinantonsmith@gmail.com

I’m convinced the whole reason for these soulless corp jobs is to steal your life energy and happiness in the easiest most reliable and sustainable way.

Think about it – you can’t kill a billion people and get away with it but you can half kill a billion people via a soulless Corp job and be touted as a genius and pushed to the top of the social hierarchy. There’s no way these performative Corp email jobs in a “bully rich environment” are “real” in the way everyone thinks.

There’s a metric in Philosophy where in order to see the intentions of whoever created the system in question – you look at the output of said system and then reverse engineer the intention from it.

So in Corp world the output is bad mental health , no choice of schedule working the lion share of your life in an unnatural environment and all to produce something no one really needs if they do need it the price is gouged and gated.

So reverse engineering the intentions is Misery, Slavery & deception/Extortion. That’s what’s happening in the Corp world everyday.

And how mad is it that all the parents pretend this isn’t happening – so their children are destined to be ‘lambs to the slaughter’. It’s called being born into ‘centuries old propaganda’. And under this doctrine we all tacitly and overtly agree that live has to be ‘bad’.

What a madhouse it is we all agree to live in (or should I say lock ourselves in).

Of course we all know why you just can’t so easily ‘leave the madhouse’ – after all id you act ‘sane’ inside a madhouse, you are looked at with sideward glances by the permanent residents, be they patients or indeed the madhouse’s’ staff.

If I were to casually read Shakespeare, Kierkegaard, Dickens and Newton inside The Madhouse they’d all agree that that’s why I’m definitely in the right place.

It’s all an Orwellian spirited attack on truth and reason – after all if no one knows what the truth is you can tell them absolutely anything and they’re believe it, and more importantly be moved by it.

I can only hope that sanity prevails – although when I read that sentence back it now seem naive in the extreme……






“How The Truly Great Books Get Born?” (Prose)

Cartoon book cover reading "IS THIS GREAT LITERATURE JUST CRAP?" in outer space

by Anton martin Smith antonmartinsmithwrites@gmail.com or martinantonsmith@gmail.com

Do I have it?

I think that maybe I do.

This kind of thing is a kind of virus.

Hidden deeply in the psyche – like so many unrealized things.

It’s a bit like the common Cold Sore ailment.

A cold sore is of course a garden variety version of the ‘Herpes Virus’

And I am sorry to have to write that in a poem –

But then again I am a fan of the ‘San Pedro Poet of the Gutters’ – so I’ll allow it.

The Cold Sore hides behind the nerve in your jaw – so your immune system can’t kill it,

Unless it wants to risk killing the nerve and your food-chewing too.

So not being insane – the immune system lets it survive.

With the (literary version?) of the Anti-Success Virus lodged in your brain’s recesses,

You can’t kill it unless you are willing to ‘crack open your mind’.

This risks total psychic collapse as the ‘demons’ are let loose to run amok.

So your conscious mind refuses to mount a resistance to this A.S.V.

Instead it tells unhelpful (but not always fake) little stories to itself –

“Oh you’re not ready yet”

“Wait but your work is too unpolished”

“You need to wait another two years yet”

“That industry is too corrupt & facile for you”.

“Those people are nothing like you”

So you stay in the shadows year after year.

If you are lucky you allow a pinpoint of light,

To peek through the slit-closed curtains,

And it arcs across your writing room,

Just enough that one in a hundred million people walking past the window,

Kinda see half a poem in a scrunched up piece of paper by your desk.

In other words, your work ‘barely breaths on life support’ in some backwater of the internet.

Some might say to this ” But Perhaps this is just the ‘hero’s journey’ ” .

After all all those that ‘make it’ tell a similar story of struggle while being a ‘total unknown’.

But I’m not so sure these types are representative of the writers of ‘the real great stuff’.

I mean for every one of them the ones that are actually good and ‘don’t make it’ are multiplicitous.

The unseen ones ‘but for a miracle’ are truly the literary ‘black swans’.

They are the ones that when they tell their ‘how I made’ it story – you sit there literally gripping your seat.

So it’s clearly not all about ‘working hard and sticking at it’ as the deadly dull ‘Look how I made it’ types say.

I think those that ‘ conventionally make it’ are mostly ‘delusionally positive’ about their mediocre work.

These are the ones who when the tell of their ‘how I made it’ you feel queasy and tricked.

And that’s why even most the ‘classics’ are mostly total crap other than a few passages.

The really good stuff is they stuff from people who aren’t ‘delusionally positive’ about their work.

Aren’t willing to crack open their minds that whisper so seductively ‘you’re not ready yet’.

And we all know that these people like this are lost to society – unless a century later,

Someone finds that scrunched up poem by the desk and reads the other half,

Feels ‘delusionally positive’ about you and tells the whole world via a oversize trumpet.

Then and only then does a truly great book ever get born into this grey and badly written world.

Of course it would be remiss of me to not mention this:

It’s also totally true and frank to say that every bad writer forever hidden in some backwater –

Also always thinks of himself as an undiscovered literary genius –

That someone in a hundred years will discover and duly make him a member of the ‘literary immortal’.

Of course – I agree with you, statistically I am far more likely to be the latter type, than the genuine article.

But of course my brain wants to say it’s because ‘I am sensibly unwilling to crack my brain open’,

And then asks itself repeatedly:

“I wonder who will discover my brilliance and make me immortal in a centuries time?”

We are strange folk indeed.

No wonder we are so roundly rejected.

And left to our backwaters.

“Idle thoughts Of Swimming In Swamps? – A Rally Against The Nero-Typicals!” (Prose)

Person standing among office filing cabinets beside abandoned cabinets in a field

by Anton Martin Smith antonmartinsmithwrites@gmail.com or martinantonsmith@gmail.com

(0)

You could say he was the “King Of Mediocre Environments”.

Well – to be exact – he was the “King Of Muddling through Mediocre Environments”.

You see his biggest crime was not being a ‘neurotypical, Type A personality’.

He was just one of a large minority of these undeclared underclasses.

Put simply the world was not made for people like he.

For Truth and Authenticity were a threat to the ‘neurotypical anti-world’.

What was the core feature or premise of this world?

The neurotypicals based it on “The Five Core Maxims of Bad”:

Bad is Good and Good is Bad.

Those being good must be mocked, excluded, and shackled.

Those being bad must be exalted, included, and rewarded.

The currency is lies made believable – aka Twoface-ism.

The weapons of this war are of psycho-culturo-economic type.

This is the World War he and all like him had to endure.

He liked to call this War and its battlefields an alias – ‘The Swamp’

These words are a small window into his, and by extension all the other non-neurotypicals’ lives.

It is a casual walk through the battlefield of the War they wage on us daily.

But I wonder – have the Neurotypicals allocated themselves too much rope?

(Or should I say “Nero-Typicals”)

(i)

At school he excelled intellectually so of course he was hated –

Yes he did go to a state school after all.

The “Private schools” have a lot wrong – but at least they are not anti-intellectual.

So he was hated by the ones who gossiped with rapier tongues,

By the oafs who kicked pigskins around a field – and badly.

Then as the years rolled by he got an office job & was too good at his job there too.

Again they hated him for that – in true quasi-high school culture.

He was punished by being good by being the work of two jobs.

Then – of course – he had to do the brain work of his manager –

All without extra pay of course.

Yes we live in very un-enlightened times – if only it was the 1800s again.

Of course he had his unhealthy distractions –

But they are “too stock” to mention.

Yes you could say he was “The King Of Mediocre Environments”.

Although this is of course a misnomer – for he was just a twenty-first century pauper.

In that century they were good at making paupers think they weren’t paupers but had ‘lifestyles’.

All because you could have a rushed coffee and a salad in some grimy urban cafe.

(ii)

Yes – he’d spent his whole life up until then – in these shabby transmogrified environments.

Of course he was quite stoic – he rebelled and created a rolling ‘private universe’ of hobbies.

This helped him literally survive while swimming amongst the mediocrity-swamps.

This allowed him to keep sitting next to those that hated him so.

But of course they all hated each other as well – let’s not deny that fact.

If you have brains you are hated, but not having them does not preclude you from being hated.

Yes let there be no chicanery abound throughout the realm on that matter.

Anyway let us return to our man – ‘He’.

In this case at thirty-five he couldn’t take it anymore.

Or should I say his mind couldn’t take it no more.

So he quit the “official mediocre workplaces” –

The places where everyone works in big cities.

They are too heartbreakingly dull to even describe.

And anyway everyone knows what a modern grey office space 1864 – Present is like.

Damn you Bismarck for perfecting the bureaucratic state!

For nothing has changed since then –

But Durkheim’s state of ‘anomie’ (alienation from the whole) has been perfected.

(iii)

So he retired to a form of ‘unofficial mediocrity’ – well that was his aim at least.

He would go to places where he could indulge his ‘private universes’ more.

Of course madmen often state the same aims – the adage is true:

The line between the madman and the genius is a thin one – often entirely invisible in fact.

But perhaps ‘retire’ is the wrong word to use of him.

It was more that he felt he had three pressing and stark choices:

Stay & become a ‘Totalised Calcified Urban Zombie’,

Stay – & ‘Die Suddenly’,

Leave & ‘Avoid Death’s Ringing Knock Knock Knock’.

So he chose the latter option – a kind of ‘hollow victory’ you might say.

Yes you might accuse him of being a ‘beggar’ who thought he was a ‘chooser’.

This of course was how they ‘did people in’ in this age – they made beggars all think they could choose.

The age was indeed marked by a ubiquitous sleight of hand.

For it knew ’twas always best to ‘hide in plain sight’.

(iv)

Now back to our ‘he’.

Sadly there was an option that did not appear & he now could not take:

“Thrive by backing your intelligence & skills wisely – go it alone”.

You see he had swum around as a “King of Mediocrity” too long – well pauper.

That swamp that was the age of his times had by now ontologically pruned off all branches of ‘true freedom’.

The ages he lived in had learnt a lot since 1864 after all – it was no dummy by now.

All that was left for him was to enter this slow life kind of “alternate-life state”.

Sadly – like practically all the others like him in these ages – he had left his run too late.

“The Swamp” very much has its own distinct immovable ‘sociological event horizon’.

(v)

So anyway back to our man ‘he’.

Recall he (naively?) – chose to ‘live imperfectly’ and not stay to be a metropolis zombie and/or die.

It was like a half-pie-stolen Thoreau-like “Walden, Life In The Woods” situation.

The details of which are again far too stock & dull to delineate.

You see for all his talent –

He underestimated the long-term effects of swimming among the choking weeds of swampish mediocrity.

Living amongst those who casually hated him in those urban low level passive aggressive cubicle-hellscapes.

And to re-iterate – yes he was not ‘alone’ in that – not by any absolute measure at least.

He was a distinct minority in daily repetitive relative terms only.

In theory the people suffering just like him were there somewhere but always hidden.

Almost all the truly talented fall into these metropolis murderous weeds.

And their multitudinous city-brothers die just like them in other swamps ‘sight unseen’.

In fact the ones you do see (‘lauded intellectuals’) are a false version of the true ones that surely are all ‘sifted out’.

Once in a blue moon of course someone like him slips through the veil un-reproducibly.

After all – no system of desolation and repression of the ‘beautiful flowing mind’ can be totally perfect.

(vi)

I have a theory about those like this that aren’t swamp-fakes but genuinely rise up like Icarus:

It is a mixture of chance, natural confidence, & pigheaded ‘will’ –

And I am tempted to say that all three are of an a-priori nature.

And yes – I am ok with being accused of ‘thinking like Schopenhauer’.

Of course a big part of me rebels against my own theory.

After all – no one likes to admit he does not have a-priori confidence and iron will.

No one really wants to admit to being ‘unlucky’.

For no one wants to admit to being ‘trapped forever’,

No matter how thick his life’s ‘prison walls’ may be.

For once all this is truly admitted deeply and psychically –

Surely this is when a man ends it all – must end it all.

(vii)

Sometimes despite all this – our ‘he’ was able to lift his spirits above the swamp’s natural abyss.

Yes – he knew there was a songbird of true redemption soaring from mediocrity’s foul swamps.

But it was a ‘Bukowskian songbird’ – covered up by an amalgam of neurotic forces.

Yes he also knew the last man to write about seeing this songbird is now long gone.

Yes he had his idle thoughts on his life of swimming in mediocre swamps & crawling out half-alive.

Perhaps what the wags that occupied the recesses of his mind said was true.

Perhaps he was really just ‘Shoppin’ with Schopenhauer’ (again).

But that thought sounded far too glib and enjoyable for his liking.

Schopenhauer wouldn’t like it like that – he thought.

Come to think of it – neither would Bukowski either – he again thought.

And while swamp-swimming at mediocrity’s inlets it’s surely ok to have the odd ‘anti-hero’ –

If not a bloody requirement!

After all – me thinking like this might just be the only thing that was now keeping me alive.

Yes he did enjoy listening to his inner thoughts – he was indeed his own audience.

And somehow he stayed alive long enough to once write his unique ‘swamp filled’ story.

(viii)

And not long before he drew his last breath he did conjecturise,

Was I finally able to leave ‘The Swamp’ behind?

Was my redemption always going to happen?.

Well if Earth isn’t hell then it can’t be identically equal to the ‘bad side of hades’ – can it?

While one is still drawing breath on this mortal coil –

It must be possible to crawl out of even the both most viscous and vicious swamp.

What would Schopenhauer say to that?

He might disagree.

I know that oh dear Bukowski would agree.

Buk did say that life was all about how well you wade through the effluent,

And not how well you avoid it.

They are fine words indeed, I think.

And now I can finally leave ‘the swamp’ that I thought I had already long ago left.

For the great adage is true – ‘you cannot wrap your arms around a memory’.

(ix)

And so this was the tale of ‘he’ – the man who tried his best in the War against the non-neurotypicals.

No he didn’t amass a soldier-army of his glorious Neurodivergents to defeat the ghouls of the ‘Big Five Maxims’.

He was just dealing with the day-to-day officially undeclared battle-scape he’d known his whole life.

Was he distracted by the minutiae of the War’s myriad of energy sapping tricks? – maybe he was.

But perhaps he was doing what he was destined to do all along.

Perhaps he was put inside the early part of the War as a ‘Thomas Paine figure’.

For he was aware of another ‘non-bad-five’ – and now banned – maxim:

The Pen is mightier than the sword.

Sure in his case his words were to him just a ‘glorified hobby’ –

Something to get him through daily pains of War as one of millions, perhaps billions nominated –

Nominated to be the enemy of the ‘Nero-Typicals’.

But I have a deadly suspicion that Thomas Paine of circa 1776 was of much the same ilk.

You can see it in his writing, after all – can you not?.

Yes – sometimes a man’s place in the world is decided retrospectively.

And always always always by the eventual victors of said War.

So if you are reading this in one hundred years time –

Perhaps we almost certainly won the War against the Nero-Typicals.

Unless of course these words were smuggled out by a soldier –

A remnant of the almost extinct ‘non-neurotypical rebel force’,

Which continues to hide in the cracks and ruins of a ‘Forever War’ as they always have –

Just trying to survive, hoping for a better day, and wishing for the War to finally be over.

Kidding themselves that it is not already long over and irrevocably lost?

And hoping that this week’s new ‘Grand Revolutionary Plan’ will free them at last.

Whichever the case I can only hope for ‘Glorious Victory’ and that these words will survive.

And if indeed the War is lost – let us not suffer the ignominy of suing for a ‘good peace settlement’.

For while the Non-Neurotypical Soldier is prone to dreaming

– he should refrain from being delusional.

And in closing and at the risk of flogging a now grossly overused quotation –

I fear we will have to follow what Patrick Henry said to rouse his fellow rebels in 1775:

Give me victory or give me death!!!

“Regrets Of A Neo-Thatcherite: The Regrets Of A Deeply Fazed Cookie” – Part Two (A Serialized Story)

Book cover reading "The Long Shadow and the Politics of Tomorrow" by Sarah J. Reynolds

by Anton Martin Smith antonmartinsmithwrites@gmail.com or martinantonsmith@gmail.com

note: see part one here: https://antonmartinsmith.com/2026/08/15/regrets-of-the-neo-thatcherite-the-story-of-a-deeply-fazed-cookie/

I must apologize for the last line. What was it? Well let me remind you it was this.

As he did every night, he would drink until he passed out on his comfortable chair and then always wake up at eleven am sharp. After all there was no one else to wake him anyway. His wife had died a decade ago and no one had suspected a thing – but of course I had my recordings didn’t I?.

You see it leads you – the reader or listener as the case may be – to think that our now retired ex UK Neo Thatcherite PM slash undeclared Dictator did away with his wife Teresa. This was not correct – she did away with herself you see. She did away with herself after forty years of marriage to our old Tipthorne because of boredom – would you believe it?.

Yes ys yes – I hear you – how can a Dictator, albeit an undeclared one, create a life of abject boredom for his wife? “Surely this cannot be” I hear you say. Well let me explain I think you will find it not so surprising at all.

You see Terrence Tipthorne basically had kept his wife hostage inside No 10 Downing street for the full twenty years of his toturous reign. She was very much a ‘prisoner of her own house’, as it were. So naturally she did become very bored and very quickly. She became so bored that eventually she did herself in ‘suddenly’ on the night before her and her husband would moving into their new ‘semi-opulent post-UK Dictator retirement lodgings’. You see after being ‘on the inside’ for two decades the shock of finally actually leaving No 10 was just too much to bear. So she in the final few moments of her incarceration had a vial of cyanide to do the lethal work. It was very much like the Nazi ‘second in command to the Fuhrer himself’ Hermann Goering had done at Nuremburg in nineteen-forty-six when about to face the hangman – she simply ‘bit down’ on the glass vial and was gone in an instant. Of course it was all hushed up.

The cover story was concocted by Tipthorne’s long standing propaganda Minister – a weak chinned club footed man by the name of Brian Brydon. When she was discovered lying in her bed in the master bedroom at No 10 – the internal doctor Simon Sninkler was ushered in whereby he saw the broken vial of cyanide on the pillow. Of course he recognised the vial as it was – just like the Nazi’s – it was a branded suicide pill with a T with two lighting bolts at each of the metal ends of the vial. Again much like the Nazis, Terrence Tipthorne had made sure that ranking insiders had them on their body at all times. The Resident No 10. Doc Sninkler simply looked at broken vial and then looked for any vital signs un Teresa. He knew this would be a total waste of time, given cyanide kills irreversibly and instantly.

Brydon being the Propaganda Minister was tasked with the plan for the body and the story to be told to the public via the fully controlled ‘TT regime’ mainstream media. Her body was simply whisked away from No. 10 in a large oversize linen basket. It was taken via the TPF – Terrence Police Force – in a commandeered linen van from the back ‘inwards goods’ area of No 10 to a state owned T.T. Regime drycleaners store. From here Teresa’s lifeless frozen body was transferred unceremoneously into the back of a seats down non descript staff mortuary vehicle and she was wrapped in a sheet. Then she was delivered under cover of the night and ‘put on ice’ in the nearby mortuary exclusively used for ranking TT Regime officials. In these buildings you could life a giant roller door and drive right in to a waiting type type area.

From that point the men who Brydon had hand picked from TT Force simply put her in one of the racks under a false name. A month later it was announced that ‘Former first lady of Terrence had died in her sleep of a ‘sudden massive heart attack’ at the ex PM’s new retirement lodgings’.

Of course on the day of the ‘official announcement of Mrs Terrence Tipthorne’s death’ the show would merely need to tie up s few loose ends. An ‘ambulance show’ would of course occur with TT Force posing as paramedics and after an hour of supposed ‘paramedic revival attempts’ a dummy would be taken out amongst the state media flashes in a guernsey to the waiting ambulance. The dummy was naturally covered with a white sheet so people would have no problem to assume it was indeed the deceased first lady Teresa. From there it was plain sailing – the ‘Teresa dummy’ was whisked away to the same mortuary that she had already been in for a week and all the normal official things that happen when someone dies could be done.

Needless to say it all went well and Brydon and his appointed crew from the TT Force were commended by Tipthorne for another ‘great propaganda victory’. Of course it goes without saying that Tipthorne showed no weariness at all for the loss of his wife – he was of course a narcissist and psychopath after all.

So that was what happened at the very end of Tipthone’s time in official power. It was almost fitting that such a rank act of deception, good organization, and rank cowardice took place as a bookend to his twenty years in power over England. Of course it was now ten years ahead of that wild ending, and it was now only for Tipthorne a fond and often called upon memory in the mind of the very horrible Terrence Tipthorne – our Unofficial Dictator, now retired.

Tipthorne was sitting alone as usual in his retirement semi-opulent lodgings. He hadn’t remarried after Teresa. He had thought this would be unwise. His logic was that at his then ‘advanced age’ of around sixty five he wouldn’t have much time left to do the tings he wanted to – which was mostly just read, drink and listen to Wagner. If he was lucky he might have fifteen years till he reached eighty and had ‘given up the ghost’. He thought that if he had a wife he figured this would in real-time shrink to perhaps only seven years in real terms.

So he stayed single with music, books and his thoughts. Sure he knew his plans to ‘make England an empire again’ had foundered on the rocks – but he had had a fun time while England had burned down and there was a brief period of success in the first five years when he had pump-primed up the economy on account of huge amounts of foreign debt.

He had always slept very well still did so at his current age of age seventy-five. This is the way of the worst people in the world – they tend to sleep soundly given that they care little or nothing of the – by the numbers – mostly normal people whose lives they usually literally destroy. Of course sometimes they will sleep poorly on account of a bad strategic decision – it would be strange if nothing made them toss and turn on occasion and more so in times of war or things like civil revolution.

And of course I know what you the reder or listener are now asking ‘what about the wasteland of the nation England? What about the violence, poverty and disarray under Tipthorne’s brutal Neo- Thatcherite regime?’ Well of course he simply did what almost all ‘evil bastard’ leaders did – he sectioned off a walled garden of prosperity for those who were T.T. Regime inner circle loyalists, family and associates – and the rest be damned.

Tipthorne’s ‘extended lot’ of both ardent and steadfastly performative loyalists never had to see any of the wasteland that was now perhaps ninety nine percent of England. In fact he even formalized this arrangement whereby he and the families and close confidants were safe in the new ‘city state’ he had created called “The City of New Wessland”. It simply had a giant perimeter wall around its 100 square kilometers and it simply bilked and ‘parasited’ off the remainder of that third world nation that was still called England but was of course by now officially a Third World country. Tipthorne had essentially copied the domestic policy of the bog standard African president. And for the members of the TT Regime it had worked and continued to work perfectly as designed.

All these past wins were what Tipthorne’s loved to recall in the twilight of hi life. He now had his top class whisky neat on the rocks drink in his hand and his record player on. He did – much like that past ‘Dictator corporal’ – had a distinct love for classical music. Though he was much more a Edward Elgar man instead of Wagnarian but it is also true that he did indeed sometimes put Wagner on the ‘T.T. Regime’ branded record player.

End of Part Two…..Part Three to come soon

“Regrets Of The Neo -Thatcherite – The Story Of A Deeply Fazed Cookie – Part 1” (A Serialized story)

Book cover reading "The Long Shadow and the Politics of Tomorrow" by Sarah J. Reynolds

By Anton Martin Smith antonmartinsmith@gmail.com or martinantonsmith@gmail.com

NOTE: THIS WAS GREATLY UPDATED ON 22 AUG 2026 – 1500 words were added.

“That’s another fine mess I’ve got myself into”.

Said the man who was almost next to me in the train to Nowheresville. Of course he was talking to himself – something that used to be rare in the England transport system. It was well past midnight on a Friday night. Of course drunkeness on the tube in London was the norm as people left the central drinking holes of London. He didn’t know who I was at this point – this would come a lot later on, long after his retirement from UK Politics. I would know all about him from afar thanks to my hidden recording devices. For some forty years he did not know I had existed at all. I knew everything, and I was lucky that he had a habit of murmerring away to himself as he sat at home after a hard days work.

My name was Anton Schmid and when I first saw the at-the–time thirty-three-year-old Thatcher backbencher Terrence Tipthorne – and his wild performance on the tube – I was just a twenty seven year old greenhorn. I was just a lowly telecoms technician working for British Telecom. Although I had bigger brains than my job. With my big bored brains I had used BT equipment to make the best ‘bugs’ possible – not of the crawling type – of the surveillence type. I made both listening bugs and video recording bugs. Better that state of the art – my bugs were only one cm square. I would have some great entertainment snooping on Tipthorne the man who replaced Thatcher. Yes – initially I was just having fun – although now looking back I was also working on a long term plan to save the UK from the UK that Tipthorne ended up creating during his two decade long run as PM.

This would be how I got to know about the real Terrence Tipthorn and how dark his personality could become. But for now I was just watching him from a few seats down on the tube. I was watching this drunk who I did not yet know was a Thatcher backbencher. I had simply though he was just another mid eighties yuppie. I thought he was perhaps a stockbroker from Canary Wharf or perhaps one of the millions of faceless corporates in ill fitting black suits. Terrence had gotten up and was swaying wildly while holding the hand rail above his fold out seat and started slurring loudly.

“If only I had listened to my other self before I did it”. Said the man in a loud yelp above the din of the other half-cut passengers – who later I’d soon learn from a TV news report was Terrence Tipthorn. I noticed as he pretended to read the strangely creased paper he was now frantically scratching himself. It was like he had an ant under his shirt. He also had a wild look in his eyes. Yes his clothes quite Businessman-like but his dapper-ness was ruined as he had a large patch of post-London-nightlife-alcohol-binge vomit on his shirt. The smell was mostly obscured by the ubiquitous cigarette smoke that literally hung in the air in visible layers. They were different times compared to now, that is nineteen eighty five versus twenty thirty seven.

Tipthorne’s haircut was recent and sharp. He was almost handsome but not quite, on account of his weak chin, bad English teeth and slightly wonky and ovesize nose. But he certainly wasn’t ugly and for an English Politician he was relatively good looking. He helped himself by being not so far away from what is called ‘snappy dresser’. His shoes of top quality were by the well known firm ‘Balderdashes’. Baldedashes Shoes had been to footwear of choice among the upper-classes for some three hundred years. It was highly unusual if the man in Ten Downing street did not wear them. Of course his ties were rather garish, often having little planes on them or strange patterns. In short he wanted to always look the part more than he could make happen in the real world. Well he was a Tory wasn’t he?

I noticed was the Financial Times open on his lap. The headline was

“Thatcher Cuts Red Tape – Invites More Foreign Investment”

Yes to look at him you would not know he was volatile at all. Just a typical suit who was binge drinking – like most of the Western world did after work in big cities, let alone London. But when he opened his mouth – it was all beyond doubt. He loaded up the next line by taking a big audible breath.

“It all started with Thatcher – IT’S ALL HER FAULT WE RICH GUYS WERE MUCH MORE LOVED BEFORE HER!”

He screamed as he stood up off his seat. Of course no one knew he was a Tory backbencher so it didn’t mean anything controversial. Even if someone did recognize him it didn’t matter a jott – backbenchers were seen as silly children no one took them seriously. They had to rise up a number of places to be noticed by anyone.

He was told to sit down by a few passengers. He of course did not sit down. He said the next line.

“Don’t let that grocers child pull the wool over yer eyes folks….she was and is scammer, a charlatan and shyster…and I loved her”. It was then he was semi-pelted with a few jeers and a couple of empty coffee cups, and a few scrunched up pages of The Telegraph or one of the many ‘daylies’ of the time. Back then before smartphones their were newspapers everywhere within arms reach – especially on trains and busses.

“I loved her fiery red hair just as much as her sternly and poorly veiled pomposity…maybe even more! Naaah…just kidding! Or am I aha-haha!”

People yelled a little louder with their jeers, and some more things flew. This time a few more empty coffee cups flew and some more balls of scrunched up newspaper broadsheets. Everyone else on the train was almost as drunk as this man – Terrence Tipthorne, so the tongues were firing up – so to speak.

‘Sit down you fazed cookie’. The crowd around her laughed – includign a chuckle from me. The lady that had given terrence this quip-shutdown was a sixty year old Scottish accented lady. She was loaded in cardigan and loaded with clothes shopping bags. Back then sixty was quite old. Sometimes lonely older people living on their own went shopping late at night in London.Another spoke up against Terrence’s on the face of it ‘pro-Thatcher’ words.

‘That red haired witch! She smashed he bloody unions to dust you dolt’ – don’t you remember the miners strike for fucks sake?” said the man in oily overalls who was holding a spanner at both ends. He was actually one of those on call mechanics that sometimes had to use the tube late after they had fixed another train that had broken down.

‘She believed in clueless trickle-down economics’ said the drunken London School Of Economics university student who I noticed had a Text book half falling out of her haversack. It was on the famous mid nineteenth century English PM during the Victorian era ‘Pitt the Elder and his Economic Views Of England’ by Brian Ware. I thought that was funny – ‘B. Ware’.

“OH I WISH I WAS THATCHER’S HUSBAND! BUT DENNIS THE SOZZLED GIN GOLF BOY AND HENPECKED FOOL BEAT ME TOO IT….AH HAHAHAR” Terrence spluttered out ridiculously. There was a loud groan from the passengers and again a few projectiles here and there including a mans cap. The young socially invisible backbencher Tipthorne continued his drunken verbal antics as he swayed standing of his seat and clutching the hand rail for balance.

“SURE THE SEX WOULD BE BAD BAD BAD!!!! BUT THINK OF THE FRINGE BENEFITS!!!”. This line drew some sniggers, and a few guffaws and I watched the peoples faces turn upward – he had definitely just improved his reception more than a little. People in a big dirty mega city like London love an unexpected laugh. The English are not entirely mean or unsmiling or as stuffy as is commenly thought abroad. Nothing was thrown at Tipthorne this time – other than a rogue pencil that amazingly landed in his spiffy jacket pocket next to the fancy blue handkerchief. Tipthorne seeing this improvement from the captive audience was boyed to keep going. This time as he was getting a little tired from all the excitement he was alternatively loud and then quiet.

“If I was THATCHER’S HUSBAND….. I’d take her on long holidays in the COTTSWOLDS – because Politics is a STRESSFULL GAME!!!!”.

The sniggers turned into big guffaws and claps and cetainly no projectiles. People whispered to each other along the lines of ‘maybe we’ve misjudged the fellow’ and ‘haha this suited up git’s funny’ etc. Again he kept talking.

“I would have said to her ‘HEY THATCHER – don’t offshore that, don’t BORROW from those SHADY SAUDIS YA GINGER BITCH! We can pay OUR OWN BILLS with the pure traditional hard workin’ class factory-spun-labouring known as BRIIIITISH GRITTT”.

The train was now clapping to him and listening with quiet respect. usually someone in a suit was a snob who was down on the working class. Of course most on the train were lower or middle classes, but most would have had working class parents. Of course Tipthorne – as I had found out later from my recordings of his late night whisky addled mumblings – had one working class parent and one of lower middle class and had grown up in the East End; but they were the kind that had pretended they were ‘rich’ to anyone who didn’t know them. Tipthorne had always found this embarrassing. That’s why it was a common ‘late night mumble’ of his that my listening devices – bugs – had picked up. He continued the rant as the train clacked along and as his audience listened now with quiet interest.

“I would have said HEY YOU THATCHER – I really loved your alliance with RONNIE REAGAN – after all a B – GRADE ACTOR is exactly the steel trapped mind we needed to HITCH OUR SPOTTY ENGLISH ARSE TOO” Of course he was almost certainly being sarcastic, and they all mostly picked up on it. They loved it. They were putty in his hands – although he was too drunk to see the effect.

They were all so moved a throng of the tube passengers started to sing what turned out to be a messy but ebullient combination of they old-timey songs ‘for he’s a jolly good fellow’ and ‘hip hip hooray’. Now egged on by these simple folk he again took a mighty big gasp to load up the next verbal quickfire rounds. He knew he was on a roll.

“Now did I ever TELL YOU GUYS about the brilliant PR MAN friend of THATCHER’S by the name of Joseph GOEBBELS?”.

But he had ruined it. The train went silent. Half drunk people in nineteen eighty five didn’t really want to remember the Nazi’s as it reminded too many of them of ‘The Blitz’ that is the bombing of London. In fact it wa only twenty five years since the last of the rubble had been cleared from ‘The Blitz’.

Tipthorne had lost Though nothing was thrown. I saw the drawn faces of the older folk. Bit no stray paper cups and no scrunched up newspapers were thrown. Though there was just a barely audible gasp of disappointment from the forty-five pluses. Of course the Englanders on this train were now used to having their high hopes dashed in a seconds notice. They mostly accepted it with stiff upper lips. I mean by this time dissappointment was the norm.

The last decade – starting with the ‘oil shocks’ of the mid seventies had been very bad times for England – and they weren’t that good before that, even though England had been on the side that had won the war. Terrence Tipthorne’s impromptu comedy act had was simply a silly diversion anyway – they were happy for it while it had lasted. Now they simply went back to amusing themselves by the usual thoughts about the dull but necessary tasks they all had to do with the usual Saturday morning chores – dishes, vacuuming, doing the washing etc.

The spiffy dressed ‘Thatcher half-loving-half-hating man’ looked around, and had seen and accepted that his last line had not landed with his captive-on-the-train audience. Later on in his Political memoirs he would reference this laughably embarrassing happening when he was simply a promising backbencher. But being a Politician, of course in the memoir he wrote he would disguise it by pretending he was watching it all from afar in the train as an onlooker – instead of the truth that he was the main event speaker making a fool of himself.

Of course he never forgot the deeply embarrassing incident – but he wrote it off to a ‘temporary mental meltdown’ which afflicted many of the young-ish career minded ladder climbers of his type.

As he now many decades later sat in his country home as a man of eighty with his pipe and The Telegraph on his lap he was still happy to delude himself about hi political life and legacy. He told himself how glad he was that he had ‘made a difference in UK Politics’. In his time as PM he had indeed copied Thatcherism down to the last thread of its threadbare ideology. Sure this had meant a terrible social decline during his reign – that is beyond dispute even among the current Tory remnant.

During his time at Number Ten the poor had all became homeless, the middleclass decimated into abject poverty and were now living in squalid camping grounds as long term tenants. However the top half of the upperclasses – such as our man Terrence Tipthorn himself – had greatly prospered out of the carnage of what had been dryly and emotionlessly referred to as a ‘K shaped economy’ by the wealthy economists of the day. He took a sip of hi neat whisky.

“I was only doing the right thing by way of Thatcherism” he said to himself trying to squash the nagging feeling that was omnipresent.

“It was the execution of Thatcherism by the boneheads in my cabinet that ruined Britain for the millions of dispossessed stupid but honorable middle and working-class ‘brokies’ – it certainly wasn’t my fantastic adroit leadership”. Again trying to squash that nagging feeling of ‘being a traitor to his people’ that would pop into his mind a few times per hour.

At about this point he realized the drink had been drunk. When he had these intrusive thoughts his sips turned to gulps. He would then get up to his liquor cabinet as the mental stress of these invasive thoughts further ramped up.

As he did every night, he would drink until he passed out on his comfortable chair and then always wake up at eleven am sharp. After all there was no one else to wake him anyway. His wife had died a decade ago and no one had suspected a thing – but of course I had my recordings didn’t I?.

TO BE CONTINUED.

“The ‘Revolutionary Speech’ That Wasn’t” (Prose)

Older man shouting passionately with a pint and paper in a crowded pub

by Anton Martin Smith Antonmartinsmith@gmail.com or martinantonsmith@gmail.com (email me!)

Welcome friends colleagues and ardent enemies.

Let me spin a mighty tale which starts with meandering but ends with Revolutionary consequences.

And yes please drink while you listen – but try not to barf – it will ruin my train of thought.

But if you must please use the wooden buckets provided shackled under your tables.

Let me begin by talking of ‘luck’ – something I’ve heard of but never experienced myself.

Well perhaps I’ve had a little here and there but only by chance.

Why is it that when you have had a stretch of good luck –

And by ‘good luck’ all I mean is that nothing ‘really bad’ has happened for a couple of weeks.

I say this because let’s be honest –

That’s the reality of this urbano-mega-city-techno-prison most of us live in now.

Good luck is now defined negatively.

You didn’t get fired this week;

You didn’t step on some dog-shite this week;.

Your girlfriend didn’t cheat on you on her ‘girls weekend’ this time round.

Et cetera Et Cetera.

I could go on longer – but you are a street-wise audience and you catch my drift.

You see long ago ‘Good Luck’ was defined positively.

You found a twenty dollar note on the ground;

You went to a rock concert, got drunk and got laid all on the same night;

You went to the CD or record store and found a gem in the bargain bin.

I could go on and on –

But again – you fine folk will, like a fine Phoenecian sail – catch my drift.

And how pray-tell did we let this steep decline happen over say thirty years?

Your guess is naturally as good as mine and my blind furtive jabs.

But I’ll hazard a guess for perhaps one of the many multitudes of ghastly reasons –

MONEY PRINTING GONE WILD.

Yes deplorably we schmucks were slowly inflated out of our own lives.

I would say “great now we can revolt and chop some heads off – French Revolution style”.

But they ain’t so stupid to allow that stuff again –

So they became weaselly smart about weakening the masses, us the great unwashed!

They had to drug us up to the eyeballs to numb us,

In pills dished out by an army of quacks,

In our chemically laced food,

They frazelled our nerves too via our environments

Via coraling us our concrete jungles,

And the cubicle-ised our work spaces,

They corrupted the airwaves with their drone faced on-payroll mouthpieces,

They jacked up the price of beer so to close our glorious institutions the bars and hotels!

Of course they jacked up our rent too – that goes without saying.

Yep – They really did a number on us my dear souls.

And sadly as a poor but time rich poet at the arse end of the world –

I don’t have the exact solution.

I would be lying if I pretended I was Sun Tzu, Confucius, Neitschze or Kierkegaard –

But I do feel just a little like Thomas Paine of the American Revolution.

So I sincerely wonder about the following:

Perhaps we need to become more vicious?

That is to ‘fight fire with fire’ – to ‘wage war with war’.

Of course friends and adversaries – I know what you’re now asking me:

‘How do we do this given the fact – as you mentioned – that we have been so ‘beaten down’?

Well – that is indeed a good question.

The answer to that is surely what has always been true throughout of fabled History.

When someone has nothing at all to lose – the real question is this:

Why wouldn’t they revolt?

After all it’s only natural isn’t it?

It is indeed the norm of History in those first hand accounts that are being burnt by the enemy.

Yes – Revolution – even if we’ve been drugged, corralled, lied to and whipped mercilessly.

So despite appearances to the contrary –

As a simple country farmer might say to his weary and confused firstborn.

“There’s nuthin’ new under the sun, son”.

Personally, I will be revolting very soon, very revolting and very soon.

But then again I’m lucky – for my type – a writer and poet – the ‘pen is mightier than the sword’.

For those reading and listening this ‘Historical Yelp’ – I will see you at the victory party,

And naturally I promise to read a more than salubrious ‘victory poem’.

So now there is only one last thing to mention.

Hazaar to the Revolution – which starts tomorrow roughly at four pm!

I know that all of you ‘Soon to be Revolutionaries’ – are all the type to hate early starts.

Which will be perfect planning:

Our early-risers and sworn enemies will have finished their days work by then and are well pooped,

While we will be ‘full of beans’ having not long been out of bed.

Yes, I’m already liking the sound of this ‘Artists and Writers Revolution’.

Now my now half sozzled folks – may I ask you of this minor worry fleeting through my mind?

I am perhaps simply and once again, ‘delving into the realms of fantasy’ again?

No no don’t answer – I will answer myself – I know you will agree anyway!.

Surely I am not delirious – although that would be ‘kinda stock’ of me, wouldn’t it now?.

But no let me gather myself, that was just a minor crisis of confidence – I think this ale is a little off.

But I can’t entirely rule it out my dear soon to be, most likely tomorrow sometime, Revolutionaries!

Oh wait, yes you are right – I’ve been to hasty – we need to take some time on this.

After all we all know the adage ‘only fools rush in’ – we don’t want to be like the ‘Huns in thirty-nine’!

I’m sorry to say this my future valiant soldier-victor-heros…BUT…

Tomorrows ‘Revolution’ is hereby duly postponed!

Just while we figure out if we are..er I mean I am…in a ‘wildly creative but far too delusional dreamscape’,

Or are we indeed being ‘celebrator-ily rational’ in our ‘Revolution-Tomorrow-at-circa Four-PM’ plans.

I ask of you gathered here – is it not wise to do our due diligence?

The only thing worse than being trampled on hostages of our current dictators is to be Failed Revolutionaries!

So yes my future martyrs – we must simply think this Revolution thing over just a smidgen more.

Of course to do this we must stay here in this delightful ale-den & lubricate ourselves further.

So for now fellow would-be-Revolutionaries – relax, laugh, fornicate and be ‘truculently merry’.

And as we do let us all talk together with the cautious somber glee of coming iron-clad battle plans.

And in closing yes – let me quell your worried hearts by saying this:

I’m indubitably sorry for whipping you all up like this,

& I of course naturally apologize for doing this exact same revolutionary speech every single night,

Over and over again ad infinitum, and seemingly without regard for simple human decency.

I promise it won’t happen again….tonight…

But I would be calous liar if I was to pronounce that I will not do the exact same thing tomorrow night.

Now can anyone buy me my next drink? –

I know I don’t need to remind you all that I’m a truth-committed-starving-always-short-of-funds-poet?

Oh thankyou Sir – I wasn’t expecting a delicious fine ale so soon.

How verily kind of you – and that’s my favorite brand – let me read the label to you:

” ‘The Poet’s Daily Drop’ – A Revolutionary Ale?”

“Galactic Council Quotes” (Prose/Skit)

Different alien species sitting around a table with a holographic Earth in the center

by Anton Martin Smith antnmartinsmith@gmail.com or martinantonsmith@gmail.com (emails are welcome!)

“The passage of time has shown that we were indeed naive to think these naked apes would stop flinging poop at each other sometime around the year 2000 AD – may I suggest seeding the air with imodium daily?”.

“Yes that’s a great suggestion QwankyQwank76 – although what will happen when they finally explode? How will we explain that one away?”

“Oh great question o Wakookoodonk, chair of the Gallactic Council. Let’s pretend when they explode it’s a normal physiological ailment – we will simply create a textbook full of fake illneses and the name for an exploding shit-supernova will be called “Sudden-Fauchi-Syndrome” they won’t suspect a thing – they’re easily brainwashed boobs remember!”

“Wonderful, I agree it’s fool-prrof..er I mean boob proof! But QwankyQwank – what do we call this Textbook of lies you propose?

“Well Wakookoodonk – My great Council leader I propose something dry like “The diagnostic and statistical manual of mental disorders, or the DSM for short”.

“Well thankyou QwankyQwank76 – you’ve clearly though of everything – let the Imodium cloud seeding and the exploding boobs begin! But wait – what about those humans that call themselves ‘Doctors’ – will we get resistence from them?”

“Fine question O Chair Wakookoodonk, don’t worry I’ve been watching them and so long as they live on the hills and drive nice cars and send their chldren to private schools they are totally willing to sell their fellow human beings totally down the river! It’s quite remarkable how easily bought off they are my dear Chairman”.

“Well spank my proboscis and call me Mount Olympus! Put it in motion immediately QwankyQwank76 – and I’m goign to promot you for this fine evil delicious slice of bastardry plan!”

“Oh thank you my great Chairman – how will you do that?”

“Well you are now 75th in line to the role of Chairman of the Galactic Federation – I’ve swapped you with Wartoffaface75, it’s only fair his idea of a fake virus antidote to reduce the population of Earth was rediculious -I mean they are boobs but even they wouldn’t believe that!”

“Ah I am honored my Chairman – now I only need to wait another four hundred years instead of four hundred and seven! I am gracious as my proboscis is long!”

[mutters the words ‘you cheap bastard’ under his breath]


“Is there anything we can spray on these hairy neo-baboons to stop them stinking so much – I’m thinking of an anti-bacterium plasmoid blast from above via our invisibility cloaked mothership”.


“Those humans with the pyramids and the cats we entrusted to carry out our plans back in 5000AD were good, but their distant cousins around now have turned out to be f*cking useless. In fact I don’t know why we didn’t just put the cats in charge in the first place – after all half the galactic territory is certainly still a meow-niverse”.


“Sure the Galactic Treaty says that we can’t push this red button and incinerate them all in one go, but what if I accidently ‘slipped while I was casually finger-drinking this vessel of ka-laka-taki-blurg. If I do that and if we simply decide not to fill out the holographic logbook, no one will suspect a thing! Especially as the average age of a Galactic Council member is seventeen thousand years old!”


“Ok I’m just thinking out loud here…but we really should stop using those annoying hairy apes as Galactic Council branded butt-plugs – but then again we only use the retired ‘Earthling politician classes’ after all. And the funny thing is while they’re inserted we can still hear them complain! I set a motion that the Earth-O-Politico-Galactico-Buttplugs-TM remain! All those in favour please remove said devices and pass wind – all those against stay peacefully stoppered!”


“Well we gave Earth many chances, but they still are refusing to take the emotional intelligence leadership mentorship from the Cats – why those hairy brutish things keep screaming at each other over nothing is quite incomprehensible. And isn’t it strange about the big problems they have – like wasting their entire lives – they barely batt an eyelid. That one good one of theirs named Bukowski was good at noticing those things”


“Ok Galactic Councilors our fifty thousand year longitudinal study of the differences between the male humans if Earth and the female hymabs of Earth is in – I will summarize it:

The men while ‘getting things done’ are – shall we say – ‘always thinking and playing with their reproductive appendages’ and often also refusing to grow up entirely; While the women are still crying at work while avoiding hard labor, and fantasizing far too much about pirates, billionaires, surgeons, sportsmen, the artists, and the criminally deranged. Yes it’s sad but what can we do now? – to squash them like ants, blow them up, release a disease or put them in our soup would be far too cliché.”


—

“Greetings my fellow Galactico’s. Given that these violent bipedal weirdo’s down there have ruined the Earth-planet system – we here at the Galactic council really should have double checked our earlier calibrations from long ago. Sure as your eternal ‘Galactic Poobah’ – I agree that ‘the buck stops with me’, to use a quaint human utterance. I must admit when I was in charge back then of our Milky-Way-Life-Seeding-Project some four billion years ago, that I rushed through the design paperwork. For that I blame my three headed butler Kaboobaboob at the time who was asking me – pleading really – about if I wanted fricassee’d or deep fried three-tongued-bonkybonk. Anyway back to my mistake back then – later on found I had a remainder when designing the earth-life-system and to my shame, I kept it a secret, hoping it wouldn’t matter. I can only apologize as I correct my mistake by pushing this ‘big red button’. Then Earth will go back to’ square one’, and the correct plan of having ‘The Dolphins being in charge at the top of the food chain’ with occur – with of course the cats being their very capable second lieutenants.”


“Look Beaky-boy, isn’t it strange – whenever I go back into the time-parallax-chronoscope device and into history’s past down there on Earth, nothing ever changes! No matter who I assassinate, no matter what wars or plagues I start!. The same assholes always end up in power beyond the year 2014 – go figure!”


“Ok Ok Ok I agree – we can’t let those buffoons continue. I have an idea – maybe we should start beaming them out by the million, replacing them with equal weight ‘green algal slime’ – after all it worked back in Two-Billion-BC, why won’t it work again? Lets re-run the ‘Great Snot Replacement Theory’! Can I get a show of proboscises – hey hey now stop that Catooboosplaz I said proboscises! Now roll it back up!”


Ok look – while I agree that those apes down their are batshit crazy, ignorant, annoying, smell bad and are generally un-cooperative they are definitely very good at….uh…uh…wait it’s coming to me….uh….uh…I mean they must be good at something…..uh…uh…oh yes I have it! they produce huge amounts of methane! With their constant wind-breaking, and thanks to the ‘greenhouse effect’ – they’ve helped stop Antarctica from growing to ridiculous proportions! I mean we have to keep them just for that reason don’t we? What’s that – why don’t we just keep Antarctica under control ourselves via our advanced tech? Sure we could do that, but then what would we talk about? I mean if we got rid of the hairy farting bi-pedals we’d have nothing to laugh at on our work breaks at the Helium-3 cooler. We would be a lot sadder for that my galactic friends! After all those next smarter on the list of ‘dunderhead level sentient beings’ – those heavy set bald fuzzballs on Alpha Centuri – are not nearly as stupid as the hairy bi-pedals, it just wouldn’t be the same! Let’s keep ’em I say!

“Shipping News: Feminists in a sinking boat 0, Disgruntled Men In Rubber Dinghies 1” (Satirical Prose/Story)

Illuminated cruise ship named Aurora Star near shore at night with two people in a small boat speaking using a megaphone

by Anton Martin Smith antonmartinsmith@gmail.com or martinantonsmith@gmail.com

Of course 3rd Wave Feminism hasn’t quite ruined the life of the indie-writer just yet.

But this is only because the 3rd Wave Feminists only use computers for X-rated reasons.

And since I am a survivor of the affair it is now it is possible to tell a wild mariners tale.

It all started like this….

“So all and all it was a good week for us all.

And as a bonus to the week I looked at the shipping news in the paper and it said:

“A boat load of 3rd Wave radical feminists were on a giant boat to an academic conference on hairy armpits,

But halfway across the ocean,

A storm was created by disgruntled girlboss-fired men who from the vantage point on a rubber dinghy,

Were blowing furiously upon the seawater,

In what could be described as a successful attempt to create a localized-mini-tsunami.

This Tsunami-to-order would capsize the giant feminist carrying boat loaded with giant feminists.

In a scene akin to a warped version of the sinking of the Titanic,

And Ironically by the time the third wave of the man-made Tsunami hit,

The boat had capsized entirely with no survivors whatsoever –

Other than all of the boats fifteen men who manned the engine room, the communications and the bridge.

They survived by the ingenuity of hoisting themselves up upon the giant floating mountainous pile of ‘ Germain Greer’s The Female Eunuch’ books,

That the women (an I use that term loosely) had all taken with them on the trip.

The men in the rubber dinghy who caused this mighty victory regaled the following wry-eye-witness account:

“As the giant vessel capsized we first saw a number of huge bilge rats jump into the sea followed by the male shipmen. The women just shrieked and cuddled each other. As the men and the rats jumped off the ship they all seemed to have smiles on their both little and big faces. One of the rats looked at a now breast-stroking shipmen and said in perfect English – ‘thank god we are rid of those strange ghastly ladies’. As the boat boomingly ruptured and splintered into three distinct pieces we heard the cacophony of bloodcurdling anti male shrieks. This was both on the way down, and also once sunk the lady-shrieks were also inexplicably emanating from the mile-deep ocean floor. It was almost a pity none of the women on board wore life jackets – partly on account they were not stretchy enough to get around their wastes – but mainly due to the fact they were ‘made by a evil man to trap and ensnare a woman’. We really shouldn’t have laughed and high-fived when we saw it all from the vantage point of our dinghy – but it also would have been a crime not to. Along with all the rescued male shipmen we even saved at least half of the bilge-rats, including the talking one and fed them all both full size and miniature cups of tea. Incidentally, we fed the talking bilge rat the finest earl grey tea to which he was well chuffed. In the now overfilled dinghy we paid a ceremonial salute to the fallen the now bottom dwelling and still-complaining Third-Wave Feminists. For this salute-to-the-fallen we each only needed our middle finger pointed steadfastly towards the water.

The men of the mission then celebrated the sinking via publishing an account of the fine para-military mission in a book entitled:

“When The Third Wave Hit A Good Time Was Had By All” – Especially The Whales Who Feasted On The Bloated Carcasses”.”.

Get it at all pro-male bookstores throughout the country –

That is you need to ask for my mate Terry,

Who will under cover of the night take you out to his backyard and dig out one of the fifteen plastic-wrapped hand-printed copies from out the ground.

But only if his pencil skirt and laptop wearing missus isn’t watching.

Poor Terry, but sometimes you have to take one for the team.

And that’s all from the shipping news today.

And as always for all the red blooded men in the yellow rubber para-military dinghies of the sea – always remember your pro-life jackets”

“An Ode To Intellectual Honesty” (A Poem)

by Anton Martin Smith antonmartinsmith@gmail.com or martinantonsmith@gmail.com

NZ (among other nations) has an affliction much worse than The Black Plague.

It is a persistent ‘built in’ shyness.

A built in reclusiveness that is robust to attack.

As a ‘liker of ideas’ this my friends and enemies – this is no good.

I want to be able to share ideas freely.

Here in NZ everyone is too afraid of sharing intellectual ideas.

And if they do it is often corrupted by cultish like political tribalism.

This is why I saw a ‘open night poetry’ advertisement that had a warning:

(& to summarise it via paraphrase)

“We want it to be safe so no ‘hate speech’ is allowed”.

This is what I am talking about.

Even poetry – which is supposed to be the (last) bastion of any and everyone’s ‘Truth’ –

Is now casually conscripted into quasi-national-socialist-literary-Brownshirt-ism.

People who haven’t seen either a mirror or their own shadow do condemn so drop-hat-ingly.

I see it as a total fear of having your mind changed by someone different and original.

And until NZ allows its artists and writers to ‘do art’ and ‘write words’,

We will continue to wallow in backward socio-cultural-mediocrity-land,

Where you dare not question the censorship laced tired dull unoriginal tribal company line.

One day people will wake up to all this.

My optimistic guess is sometime in the year 3036.

Where it will be safe to go to an open poetry night,

And share your mind freely with a wild array of formerly unacceptable conjectures,

And neither be applauded roundly or chastised drably.

You will simply be listened to and then a fantastic member of the audience,

Will be interested to purely and intellectually talk of their ideas and yours over a giant pint.

Of course this still sporadically happens even now,

But only as rarely as a inordinately cheap classic at the second hand bookstore is found.

But we controversial conjectorial thinker types cannot be beaten easily.

Like the virus that survived the traumatic trip to outer space under on a phillips-head screw,

We will too will survive to cough out (spontaneous emit) our acerbic & strangely colored lines.

(Much to their chagrin).

This was my ode to that priceless currently invisible concept: ‘intellectual honesty’.