by Anton Martin Smith antonmartinsmith@gmail.com or martinantonsmith@gmail.com
(Note: If you would prefer to listen to the audio rather than read the text, click play below:)
The more you work on yourself,
The more everyone around you punishes you.
When you are a bastard for some reason women throw themselves.
And I’ve heard women say that ‘men like bitches’ too.
So it goes for both genders.
I guess the evolutionists would say this is logical.
In the caveman days bastards were good at snaring resources of others.
The didn’t care they just harvested.
If you could hitch a ride to a bastard you would win more than lose.
You just had to put up with the ambient bastardry.
I would say in my ‘young man phase’ I was a bit of bastard –
As most young men are or were in those days.
In youth it is easy to slip into bastardry because selfishness is the default.
And generally society rewards you – Easy Jobs, Easy Chicks/Chads, Wild times.
This was my case and helped more because I lived in a dirty big city (Melbourne).
Then I crashed, I guess all the ‘bastardry’ crashed down on me.
Then I had to change my ways, and it was a good age to do it (thirty three to thirty five).
So I looked deep into that mirror, the abyss.
I stared back and here I am more than a decade later.
Reformed.
Decent.
Vigilent.
Focused on ‘the small things and trials of life’.
Over the associated grief. (I guess you bury your old self)
Aware how easy it is to indulge in bastardry.
And I can tell you when you do all this.
No your life does not become ‘bliss’.
It is such a lonely road. And the better you become, the lonelier you get.
Because I think only one in ten is truly willing to look into the abyss,
Crack their minds open.
Face all the dark truths squarely and eye to eye.
So now the rest of the world doesn’t vibrate with the frequency anymore.
It wants you to be in the army of the ‘nine in ten’ the lost army.
But still it’s better to be forever lonely and reformed.
That in that army of the hoards that have no reflections.
I can say their are many perks to vampirism,
But they wear off quickly anyway.
So I choose to be ‘old good and lonely’ and not ‘old bad and empty’.
And all in all – it’s simply the wise rational decision.
And I’m one hundred percent sure the decision you make shows on the face and smile.
As the old adage says and is true:
‘Everyone deserves the face they have at fifty’.
And who wants to end up looking look like a ghoul anyway?
But there’s one last point I must postscript:
Lest I be accused of ‘sugarcoating’.
Going from ‘pseudo-playboy’ to ‘almost-a-eunuch’ is a war unto itself.
What a pity it is the world has decreed that reformed bitches & bastards don’t get laid.
Anton Martin Smith Writer 