Tag: Work

“Caviar At The Work Table” (Prose/A Poem)

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by Martin Anton Smith martinantonsmith@gmail.com

The World Waiter will serve you shit sandwiches.

Then tell you it’s caviar.

When you scream:

“Can’t you see that’s shit between bread???”

The World Waiter will say:

“How dare you insult our glorious chef – he cooks for you..you...Workers….

He bends over backwards for you…you.. ungratefuls……

Now eat your effing caviar you…you…WORKER YOU!”

And then if you say:

“And what will you do if I refuse to eat this shit sandwich World Waiter sir?”

They will say:

“We will make sure you cannot work yourself to death…er I mean are employed in our work camps….er I mean Work tables…

..We will conspire amongst ourselves to ban you from slavery..er Work.. & you will die in a ditch!…

You’ll get no shit sandwhiches…I mean you’ll get no delicious caviar… you..you…Worker swine! – you’ll starve fool!!!”.

You think for a minute – soaking it all in.

You know those workers who refused to toe the line.

Those ones under the bridges.

Those starving ones.

Those ones wearing threadbare rags.

Those ones all The Workers like you are afraid to one day become.

Those ones who couldn’t play anymore or were kicked off the sick game on offer .

Those ones who saw the shit sandwhiches as shit sandwhiches.

You make a decision & bite down hard on the shit sandwhich, its contents oozing down you chin.

You look up merrily & say to the impatient & now fuming World Waiter:

“My word this caviar is delightful!.. This is the best shit sandwhich.. er I mean caviar, I’ve ever tasted…so juicy! Give my regards to the glorious & bent over chef”.

The World Waiter now placated half smiles & slowly dissapears to the next Worker Table.

You think to yourself.

“I swear this shit sandwhich is starting to taste like caviar”.

You suddenly feel ashamed, for you think you know what’s happening.

Your cowardly thoughts somehow soothe your confortably re-battered soul.

The thought goes on:

“Oh well, at least I’ll be retiring from this Work Table in fifteen years.

It’s not that long – I’ve been here twice that time anyway!…

…and then I’ll be able to have all this shit tasting caviar without even having to sit at a Work Table”.

As you feel less fearful that you’ll end up like “The Others”, you hear the The World Waiter from accross the room.

“How dare you insult our glorious chef – he cooks for you..you..Workers….”.

As you finish your last bite, you feel a twinge on cameraderie wash over you.

“Ah..so this is what it feels like to be truly alive, among colleagues, well fed, with a roof over my head…and sitting at this highly polished Worker Table….Long life the glorious World Waiter & The bent-over Chef!….I am so lucky! Lucky-Lucky-Lucky!”

But then you find yourself in the midst of a sudden involuntary “GULP”.

You know somethings up – but for the life of you,

You can’t quite figure out what it is.

“Corporatitus” ( A Poem)

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by Martin Anton Smith martinantonsmith@gmail.com

The longer you have divorced yourself from the banal “Corporate World” the more you recognise it as a disease.

If you are good you can literally see it emanating off those who still suffer from…

Let’s call it “Corporatitus”.

Although we shouldn’t hate these people.

We should feel sorry for them as they are merely victims of the ubiquitous focused brainwashing.

We should quietly, compassionately, & creatively help to bring them to the light.

So that one day in the hopefully-near-distant-future,

They will realise they have become poorly paid supporting actors,

In a very bad movie,

That they didn’t write.

Then they at least have a chance,

To slip out the back studio door & once again feel real-life sunlight on their face.

They Haven’t Yet Burned All The Books (A Short Article)

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by Martin Anton Smith

Custom
Caption: Can You See The Cog?

“If a Slave tells the other Slaves they are Slaves he is rejected by his own. We live in a world where Slaves cannot see or admit that they are so, nay will not admit so under any circumstances” Alfred X Turnstile famous writer of “Do You See It” 1927. P.S. The book or the Author is not real, but the sentiment is.

Slaves will even advertise themselves on a public forum called “the Internet” desperately hoping that Slave Masters & other Slaves will be impressed by their commitment to Modern Day Slavery. Yes, there are little to no gaps in their Slave Records, which are euphemistically called CV’s. Yes – some of these modern-day Slaves even have “Houses”, “Cars”, “Holidays”, “Smart Phones” (Which make you dumb quick)”,”Husbands”, “Wives”, “Grandparents” “Cousins” & “Children”. In fact most do. And it has always been this way. But most of these things do they truly own, & the things they think are ‘natural relationships’ have become debased versions of what they were intended to be.

In the case of the modern urban husband, his wife now owns him outright & without any escape clause in the contract. This is debasement of the intended role of men & women, husbands & wives, Children, Cousins, Grandparents. This is the trick – to debase, to inverse or reverse the original true & good intention.

However, if you are a Slave to the Machine, this is not your fault – the system of domination is so perfected that the only alternative is to live under a bridge. Fault is not the point – the point is to realise your Slavery so as you can game the system as much as possible. If you don’t admit you are a Slave, you can never game the system to your advantage. So who is a Slave? there are some grey areas – but the main class of Slaves is black & white both literally & figuratively – these are the Employees.

Bukowski was correct – “Slavery was never abolished, only expanded to include all the colours”. Know it. Game it. But I know not everyone can do this. Only a tiny few have this power. Call it a Superpower – because that’s what it is. If you succeed in having “open eyes”, you’ve somehow beat the centuries of expert brainwashing you were born into. This is probably only because they haven’t yet burnt all the books. That day is well under way. Use your time wisely. But first you must take your time back for yourself.

“The Canberra Jobseeker Bites Off The Correct Amount He Can Chew” (Political Satire)

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by Martin Anton Smith

Jobseeker: I’m looking for a new role

Recruitment Officer: Ham or Cheese

Jobseeker: No I want a job, that’s why I’m here!

Recruitment Officer: But Isn’t eating tasty food better that working?

Jobseeker: How did you get a job as a Recruitment consultant?

Recruitment Officer: I’m moonlighting as a Caterer; we can talk jobs later – so I can sell you a Ham for $5 or a Cheese for $7

Jobseeker: But I have no money – that’s why I need a job!

Recruitment Officer: If you buy a sandwich, I’ll give you a job.

Jobseeker: If you give me a job, I’ll buy a sandwich.

Recruitment Officer: Ok Ok – your job will be in Food Prep

Jobseeker: Ok I’m desperate – I’ll do it – when do I start?

Recruitment Officer: Right now – make a Cheese & then a Ham Sandwich, pay is $1 per sandwich.

Jobseeker: Done can I have my two dollars?

Recruitment officer – yes here it is (pays them).

Jobseeker: Thanks this is a move in the right direction.

Recruitment officer: Ok now to complete our bargain – here are the two sandwich’s, $12 dollars please.

Jobseeker: But I only have the $2 you paid me to make them both!

Recruitment Officer: True – & that’s why I am prepared to offer you a $10 ‘Sandwich Mortgage’ at very reasonable rates!

Jobseeker: This is all just a giant Scam isn’t it! Where are you morals you shyster!

Recruitment Officer: Welcome to the exciting new world of work in 2024! Sorry what’s that word you said – Morals? Is that a new type of sandwhich?

Jobseeker: Man – I’ll never try to get a job for the Australian Treasury again! I never knew this is how you make your surpluses!

Recruitment Officer: Let’s just say “Sandwich-o-nomics” has been a fantastic fiscal policy ever since Keating left office!

Jobseeker: Damn – I should have known we were still stuck in the Howard Years!!

Recruitment Officer: Sadly this is true – & you Australian battlers have been screwed like mad! The good news is “Sandwhich-o-nomics” has allowed Canberra Politicians to cream it!

Jobseeker: You charlatan…you swindler…you…you….snake oil salesman!

Recruitment Officer: Do you need some? We sell it at the Parliament doors 100% quality Snake Oil as pressed by the aging John Howard himself!

Jobseeker: hmmm…desperate time call for desperate measures…Do you have any Keating snake oil – that stuff might actually work!

Jobseeker: Hey hey hey – what do you think this place is? A free market? This is Howard era ‘Sandwhich-O-nomics’ my friend – competition is not needed wanted or desired!

Jobseeker: ok ok – give me the Howard snake oil then.

Recruitment Officer: Ok it’s $10 per bottle

Jobseeker: Do you take sandwiches as currency? Thanks to you, that’s the only way I can pay you.

Recruitment Officer: Man you’re really getting into the swing of Sandwich-o-nomics” – I feel a surplus coming on!

Jobseeker: I would protest but this Aussie Battler has had their life squeezed out of them!

Recruitment Officer: haha Sandwich-o-nomics strikes again!

Jobseeker: Can I have a loan?

Recruitment Officer: Sure first just squeeze this snake’s oil into this bottle & sign this document.

Jobseeker: That better be a real snake.

Recruitment Officer: In Sandwich-O-nomics nothing as guaranteed.

Jobseeker: Oh brother!

Recruitment Officer: Yes we can recruit him too!

Jobseeker: Where is the door?

Recruitment Officer: Under Sandwich-o-nomics there are no doors – only windows.

Jobseeker: So ‘Sandwhich-o-nomics’ has really got me screwed 100% no matter what I do!?

Recruitment: It’s a beautiful system – now excuse me I must pray 3 times on the hour to the grand Poobah of Sandwich-o-nomics

Jobseeker: Is that John Howard?

Recruitment Officer: Are you angling for a promotion?

Jobseeker: Have you got any jobs making antique watches?

Recruitment Officer: Yes – but it’ll cost you 3 months salary.

Jobseeker: Who do you think I am? Paul Keating?

Recruitment Officer: I thought you were him! That’s why made all this crap up!

Jobseeker: Shhh don’t tell anyone….I’m here to secretly scuttle the AUKUS deal

Recruitment Officer: Sorry I don’t sell those deep-sea sardines in brine water.

Jobseeker: Oh good I’ve already won! that was easier than i thought! I retire forthwith!

Recruitment Officer: I will remember you always! Lets celebrate! Ham or Cheese!

Jobseeker: Cheese please – I’m not one to ham it up!

Recruitment Officer: Touche!

“The Honest Job Advertisement” (A Satirical Article)

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By Martin A Smith

(Please Note This is Satire)

PoorUrbanPustuleTM is hiring we require the following types of people:

– Serfs
– The easily brainwashed
– Adults that still love a high school environment

PoorUrbanPustuleTM is based in Melbourne & is listed on the ASX with 100,000 employees. We have a Generous Salary on offer, relatively speaking of course – this means it is equally as bad as other fiefdoms with a huge number of employees.

We offer 4 weeks paid leave, but it is only ‘paid’ because we pay you lower for the rest of the year. We have GREAT Superannuation scheme which utilises a strategic partnership with “Black-Holio Asset Managment” – This means a bunch of sneaky Private Equity Goons will legally steal your money, which is why it only returns 5% per annum vs the ASX index long term average of 8% – but luckily, we have a great Propaganda team that stops you from knowing this.

You will have a Great Boss, NO sorry this does not mean they are GOOD or Likable or Professional – we mean his name is literally GREAT – “Bill Great” – we could tell you about him, but *our mothers* told us ‘If you don’t have anything nice to say about anyone, don’t say anything at all’.

We at P*U*P also have a Training Team to help you, the only problem is that they don’t know anything because they are afraid to leave the safety of their back offices & computer screens – but don’t worry – somehow you’ll figure it all out yourselves – have you ever seen the movie *The Lord Of The Flies*?

We also LOVE DIVERSITY – & as such we now have a Policy of hiring *No Ethnically European Males over 35*… on top of this is you have *blue hair* – you get a 5% pay increase no questions asked. On the second day you will meet our CEO – *Ivana Urcash* – she would have met you on the first day, but unfortunately this coincides with her *last day in jail*.

We have great facilities including *one toilet, two rolls of bog-roll (1 ply) & half a basin* – sorry this is due to a poor EBITA result last year due to foreign currency fluctuations – sure we probably shouldn’t have gambled 100% of last years earnings on those Dodgy Sub-Prime China Property Shares – but the online trading platform was created to be like an online Casino & our CFO lost his composure & was mesmerised by all the dings, bleeps & musical sounds (again)!

Finally, we would like to pour cold water (from our hot taps) on the rumour of ‘that strange smell coming out of PoorUrbanPultule’s floor’ – The news article in ‘The Age’ was egregiously defamatory in the max…to clarify: pegs handed out by HR to our employees were for fashion reasons only.
How do we at PoorUrbanPustuleTM see the world? Our motto says it all:

“We strive to make the world only slightly worse off than our next biggest competitor. This hasn’t happened yet – but we believe in the “Parallel Worlds Interpretation of the Universe”

APPLY NOW

(P.s. – Please bring a large Box to the interview – this will be the successful candidates new office)