by Martin Anton Smith

My room is a messy cluttered disaster zone @ this is its homeostasis.

Being neat & tidy does not come natural to me – a main house I can be tidy –

But a personal bedroom has always been my disaster zone.

I’ve been thinking of the best way to quickly tidy up –

It is to explode a bomb in the middle of the room –

Entropically speaking this would have to work wonders.

For my room is always at maximum entropy.

I like to think of it as a model of the end state of our universe –

So disordered it can’t become any more disordered.

Physicists call this the ‘heat death of the universe’,

And contend that nothing at all can happen –

It would be like a giant timeless frozen hologram.

My ‘bomb cleans my room’ thought has made me think of an alternate Physics theory.

Or should I say a conjecture which is really just a ‘tentative theory’,

A proto theory if you will.

You see I propose that instead of frozen nothingness,

Something can happen.

But it can only move in the direction of decreasing entropy or increasing order.

i.e. I let a bomb off & it takes my dirty undies off the floor & they fly into a draw, nicely folded, clean.

The CD’s unscatter & leap back into the bookshelf.

The dust disappears & reattaches itself to my arms & as fibres on my coats.

What’s that you say egghead?

“Entropy must always increase”

Well, not if Physics laws are nestled in a hierarchy.

So for my “Bomb cleans up room theory” to work, this would be so.

The higher Physics law enabling this would be:

“You cannot have a universe where nothing happens”.

So instead of the Universe & my room Freezing – it has to do something.

It can’t get any more messy – it’s in a state of maximum disorder & entropy.

So the only thing it can do is clean itself up.

Which is why my dirty undies cleaned & re-drawered themselves.

This of course would entail us living our lives backward –

dead people would come out of graves, back to hospital & then start breathing,

grow younger & younger until you die by returning to you mother’s womb.

Perhaps this is what is already happening now.

“But that’s not how we remember things” I hear you cry!

“we remember being a child before being a teenager & an adult” I hear you utter.

This would merely entail we remember futures first & not our pasts first!

The Film of the universe is always running backwards, & our brains merely fixo chango it –

So everything looks normal.

Yes Yes Yes I hear the squirrely voices of you naysayers!

This conjecture is undoubtably true…

I say this without an ounce of overconfidence!

Now I really must leave this Royal Society lecture hall.

A spot of Bomb-Cleaning is in order.

For my room has reached Maximum Entropy & Chaos!

P.S. My other theory is I have gone totally doo-lally,

Which as a fiction writer, is actually a plus.

As I always never say:

Being backward is the only real way forward.

………..

Boom.