Category: Poems

“Not A Poem” (A Poem)

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by Martin Anton Smith martinantonsmith@gmail.com

This Sir or Madam is Not a Poem

Yes Yes Yes – it looks like a Poem

But I assure you it is not.

Oh so you don’t believe me?

Is this an accusation based on my history?

What’s that?

“You’ve writen 186 consequitive poems on this blog – It must be!”

Wrong!

I have written 186 blog posts & only 99% are poems.

You see I can write stuff that’s decidedly ‘Not a Poem’.

So – I hope you will apologise to me,

& admit that this is Not a Poem.

This is Not a Poem in the same way a cat is not a dog;

A stone is not the wind;

A Beach is not a tree;

A man is not a woman – (oh wait it’s 2023! scratch that last line!)

A Breath is not a carrot.

I could go on – but why labour the point?

If I did that would be far to traditional of me as an obscure dime-a-dozen NZ Poet.

Did I mention that I won’t labour the point? I forget. Where was I?

Oh yes – now I remember where I was –

I just accidentally assassinated my thoughts,

By agreeign not to labour the point.

That this piece of writing is Not a Poem.

Oh well, it is better to assassinate a Poem than a man,

Although Historians would no doubt disagree with me.

And so I bid the reader fairwell,

I apologise profusely for wasting your artistic time,

Which you may only have 33 mins in your weekly time budget for.

I promise to make it up to you if I get rich of this Not a Poem.

If indeed this piece gets accepted & published in the famed literary magazine

“Not A Poem Galactical”

I promise to send a portion of the Galactic revenues to recompense you.

But knowing my luck I will get a rejection slip from them saying

“Sorry Martin – this was an interesting piece, if perhaps a little laboured –

but we on the panel believed it was a little to much like a poem –

feel free to ‘de-poem’ it a little & resubmit”.

Now kind people I really must messily exit this not a poem.

I only hope that this crap *not a poem* made one upward curl,

of at least one side,

of at least one galactic being’s mouth,

Somewhere out their in the cosmos.

After all –

If the universe is infinite everything that can happen, must happen, no matter how unlikely.

So to the future Alien that chuckled out of one the three sides of their mouth as they read this –

I simply say to you in thankfulness:

“A-bleetablat, A-bleetablat……..ka-blinky-blink, A-bleetablat”

“Writers Block” (A Poem)

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‘Writers Block’…

Connects with the writer’s head

It was a sad story

Fueled by too many rejection letters

Luckily it was just a block of cheese

That the writer had stupidly

Put precariously on an overhead shelf

Above their writer’s desk

Cheese though is softish

So it didn’t hurt The writer much

And anyway any disappointment & soreness

Was Whiled Away

Upon Munching On The Cheese

the Belly Now Filled

The Words Did Flow

“A Page In Time” (A Poem)

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By Martin Anton Smith

Reading a really good book very slowly…

In Slothe-like fashion…

Is actually quite the joy….

Taking in each sentence with ‘comprehensional’ aplomb…

Not unlike the last grasps of a starving man…

As he reaches for a ripe-aciously rounded plum…

As it floats holographically in the air…

Only in this case…

The book is actually there…

As is the 10,000 songs on Shuffle…

As is the half empty can of beer….

As low or no lighting…..

As is the battery charging solitude…

Yes, despite creeping melancholia….

There are still simple & life reviving pleasures out there….

Even I must at least admit that…

When the day has been a giant hassle…..

“The Pile,The Tree & The GDP “. (A Poem)

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by Martin Anton Smith

Isn’t It Weird?

How We No Longer Have ” Economic Recessions”,

Yet More & More People Are living In Cars,

& Strung Out On the Streets.

And For those Not Actually Homeless,

There Is A Consistent 20-30% Of People,

That Are Living On the Near Margins Of Destitution.

Then There Is The Casual Anarchy:

Of Street Crime,

Its Raids,

Its Assaults,

Its Murders.

Yet They Tell Us The ‘GDP Numbers Are Up’,

And Employment Rates Are ‘At Record Highs’.

It’s Of Course A Total Swindle – We Know What’s Going On.

The Growing Ranks Of the Undeclared Underclasses –

Or Simply the ‘Men & Women Of The Pile’ –

We Know The True Reality –

The Bastards Have Manicured A Giant Rubbish Tip –

Not For Themselves, But As A Home For Us.

The Pile Has A Very High Leafy Green Tree That Sprouts From the Center –

That’s What They Live In.

So High Is The Tree – That They Can’t Even See The Stenchful Rottenness Below.

So High They Can Congratulate Themselves On the View – Without Feeling Any Irony

And So High they can Chatter Of The ‘Clean Crisp Mountainous Air’ –

& Tell Each Other That That Nasty ‘Rubbish Dump Modern Art Sculpture’ –

Is Actually A Distant Problem –

Not Of their Making – One They Don’t Really Need to Worry About.

After All – They Live In Those Sun-soaked, Leafy Green Treetops.

But All Delusions, Of Course, Must Eventually Be Dashed.

One Day –

At A Time Not Of their Choosing –

They’ll Have To Admit,

As They Pluck Their Bulbous Gleaming Fruit From Their Towering Tall Tree –

That It Now Tastes Really-Rather-Rotten,

With All Prior Residual Sweetness Now 100% Fully Dissipated.

And So Does the Next One Taste The Same –

And So The Next –

And So The Next –

But Even So,

I Doubt They Will Ever Fully Admit To Each Other,

That It Was Their Own Folly That Soured Their Own Fruit.

For They Thought The Scam Would Last For An Eternity.

……Meanwhile…….

We The Masses Are Cursed To Endure The Anarchy Of the Pile,

To Eke Out A Living,

Of This Razor-Sharp-Tin-Can-Plume,

This Widening Garbage Dump Society:

Filled With Soiled Old News Papers

All With These Kind Of Headlines:

“GDP IS UP & EMPLOYMENT AT RECORD HIGHS”.

Yes – We ‘The Men & Women Of The Pile’,

Resilient Though We Are

Have Had It Right Up to Here,

With This Deepening Suffocating Impoverishing Pile –

This Twenty-First Century Westernised Bantustan,

If You Will.

It’s Time to Call A Spade A Spade –

And Finally Dig Ourselves Out Of “The Pile”.

Then The Tree Will Also Fall.

“PapWars” (A Poem)

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Wow It’s Been A Week Since The Last Post

And I’m Not Talking About World War One

That Was More Than A Century Ago

I Didn’t Attend That Soiree

But I Hear It Was A Real Blast

But Enough About War & All It’s Gore

Let’s Talk About Happy Things

I’m Sorry I Must Be Slipping

Happy things Aren’t Interesting

Unless Of Course, It’s “Twisted Happy Things”

Like An Alcoholic Who Has No Cash

& is Going Crazy & Has No Beer

And Has Had None For 3 Days

And Then He Moves The Couch Over A Little

And Finds A Solitary Beer Underneath It

He Notices the Glint Of The Beer Can

& A Twisted Happiness Rolls Across

His Shabby Mug

That’s The Kind Of Happiness I Like To Write About

I’ll Leave The Rich Upper- Middleclass

Who Do Not Know Struggle Or Poverty

to Write About The Dull Meaningless Kinds Of Fake Happiness

That they Are So Addicted To Crapping Out

They Write Stuff Like This

“Oh Steven! I Can’t Believe How Lucky You Were

To Win That Free BMW At The Club Yesterday – Oh Joy”

The Reason That Pap gets Published Is The Boring

And the Rich Are Too Well Networked

To The “Gatekeepers” – Their Friends Who Also

Do Not Know Struggle Or Poverty Either

& Thus Want To Publish That Pap

Give Me “Bukowski” Like Writing Any Day!

Yes He Was A jerk So I Hear

But He Wrote Of Toil & Desperation

The Stuff About 90% Of us See Every Day

But It Is Almost Never Celebrated Or Described.

The Pap Peddlers Of The Mainstream Press

Make It Their Job To Post Their Rich Friends Pap

“Wendy, I Thought You Remembered We Were Going

Out Dancing Tonight – How Could You Forget My Birthday”

Dear Oh Dear Oh Dear Oh Dear

I Have A Good Term For This Kind Of Writing, & Mass Publishing

I Call It “PapWars”

Stay Right Away From It.

Papwars Will End Up Killing Us All.

“The Drunken Everyman’s Beer Hall Putsch”(A Poem)

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Sargeant Schwearing Wore A Big Moustache

And Wore It With Panache

But Alas this Man Was Too Bitter

And Rumoured a Distant Cousin Of Hitler!

He Would Come To My Bar

In A Volkswagon Beetle

He Would Pull Up A Pew

And a Regular Diatribe He Would Spew

I Will Now Recount The Story

In All Of Its Glory

Sargeant Schwaring Why Are You Swearing?

Is It Your Crap Job Or Nagging Wife

Or Too Tight Underwear You’re Wearing?

Or Is It The Weather, Or That Wild Dog

That On Your Paper-Round is Appearing?

Is It The Snob Next Door

Who Laughs Coz You’re Poor

Yet Cannot Afford To Fix His Own Door?

Is It The Politician Who Taxes You Silly

And Gives It To the Truely Rich

Or Is It Your Supervisor Who Of You Loves To Snitch?

Sargeant Scwearing Your Life’s A Hard One

With Virtually No Fun

Your Destiny’s Full Of Road-Blocks

And You Chew On Last Weeks Hog Hocks

You Live In Men’s Hostel Accommodation

With The Spirits Of Damnation

But Surely Soon Your Luck Will Turn

And Of Those Starry Nights You Yearn

You Will Ride Into the Sun

While Holding a Sugary Bun

Your Wife Will No Longer Nagg

Having been “Surgically Reverse De-Hagged”

The Money Will Flow

You’ll Be Revered For Things You Don’t Know

Men Will March In Your Honour

Unwitting That You’ve Made Them All A Gone-er

Oh My!, Sargeant Schwearing!, The Silver Lining Is Here!

So Now Celebrate It, & Swig Your German Beer!

That’s It Swig the Stein Down

All Over Your Army Fatigue Gown!

The Govt Spy Was Watching & Waiting

While You Were Gesticulating

He Pounced, You Flounced & He Said

“You’ve Had Too Much Drink

You’re Arrested, Arrested Big!

I’m Throwing You In The Clink!”

And now Your Oasis Has Turned to Dust

You Snatched Defeat From Certain Victory

Hmmm….It Kinda Of Reminds Me Of Distant History

Of This “Unfair Punishment”, You’ve Turned Three Shades Of Blue

And Now You Rot In Prison & Do Angrily Stew

Sargeant Schwearing I Can Only Assume

Is This Belated Payback For World War Two?

What’s That Sargeant? I Stabbed You In The Sack?

By Serving That Bavarian Beer You Happily Through Back?

Oh Schwearing, Of You, I Am Not A Believer

I Merely Pull Beers At The ‘Bertrunkener Biber’ – The Drunken Beaver

Oh Schwearing – My Dear Fellow

I’ll Ignore Your Shameful Bellow

Your Letters Get No Better

Of Prison Shackles Your Words Unfetter

But Sargeant Schwearing – You Lost Fair & Square

You Wanted The Beer – That Tasty Brew

Now I Suggest You Go Fester & Plan

The Outbreak Of World War Three,

My Little Man.

But I admit – You Do Entertain Us Very Mutch

In Your Nightly Performance Of Verbal Slush

You Might Even Call It

“The Drunken Everyman’s Beer Hall Putsch”.

‘A Fools Trip To Eta Leonis’

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by Martin Anton Smith martinantonsmith@gmail.com

I Went To Tie My Shoelaces/But Something Went Wrong/They Ended Up Staying Loose/While I was in a bow/ These Things Happen All The Time/Now U Know What Happened/When I Last Flipped a Dime/ This Is My Life/a Topsy Turvey Affair/If My Life Was a Brew/It Would Be Called ‘Masochist Stew’/Now Excuse Me Pals/I Must Prepare For The Next Adventure/To Walk & Chew Gum Simultaneously/Who knows What Could Go Wrong/ I Expect I’ll End Up Inside The Blown Bubble/And Float Away Towards ‘Eta Leonis’/A Star In The Leo Constellation/2000 Light Years From Earth/And Coincidentally My New Home.

“The Terminator & You: A Real-Life Problem” (A Poem)

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by Martin Anton Smith MARTINANTONSMITH@GMAIL.COM

Always remember

You Were Designed To Work With Your Hands.

You Are Here in The Year 2023

Because You Have Forgotten Much.

All Computer Work Is Now At Risk

Where Will AI be in 5 Years?

Will It Hire You In 10 years?

Only If You Are A Carpenter

Or A Cleaner?

Or A Craftsman?

Will AI be Your Friend?

Or Your Worse Enemy?

It Scored 90% On The Bar Exam

It Does Accounting In Nanoseconds

It’s Better Than You At Maths & Physics

Your Memory Is That Of An Ant

Automation Has Killed Many Jobs Already

You Could Prepare

& Relearn That Dormant Skill

To Work With Both Brains & Hands

Nurture You Creativity

You Must Prepare For 2029

Skynet Is Coming For Real

Will You Be A Kyle Reese

Or A Sarah Conner

Or The Ashes Of the Easily Dispensed?

Another Skull Crushed By Skynet’s Drone Machinery

If You Have A Shitty Car

& Can Hotwire It

You May Be A Chosen One

All Will be Surprised When AI

Only Keeps Those It Respects & Can’t Match

I Would Tell You It’s Almost Here

But It’s Already Here

If You Are A Fool You Will Ignore This Message

And 99% Of You Will

After All

Who Was It That Was A Carpenter?

Abd Not A Lawyer In The Year 2023?

That’s Right You Don’t Know Who I’m Talking About

Go Back To Sleep

Your “Go To Method” In Problem Solving

I Hope The 99% Of You

Prove Me Wrong

& Discover A Hammer & Nail & A Plank Of Wood

Because You Can Try To Mimic AI

But If that’s All You Do

You’ll Do A Lousy Job

& Are In The Crosshairs Of AI

To be Terminated

And For You It Will Be

Hasta La Vista……..Baby

“Let Me Introduce To You The ‘Yoinkdollar’ “(A Poem)

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A Poem By Martin Anton Smith martinantonsmith@gmail.com

The Yoinkdollar Is Not A Crypto Scam

The Yoinkdollar Is Not A Currency Per Se

The Yoinkdollar is Not A Precious Metal

The Yoinkdollar Is Not An Electronic Transfer

The Yoinkdollar is Simply An Expression

Of How Some Honest Lucrative Normal Money Was Made

More Specifically the ‘Yoinkdollar’, As I Have Coined It

The Yoinkdollar Is Associated With Good Luck Or Windfall

And In Its Wider Definition Also Involves Physical Theatrics

It Therefore MUST Be Only Involve Cash Payment

As Theatrics & Eletronic Payments Don’t Tend To Mix Well.

You Definitely Cannot Say “Yoink” To A Computer Screen

Some Wag Might Call The Yoinkdollar

An Instance of getting ‘Easy Money’

I Would Disagree And I As The Creator Of The Term

I Would Say The Yoinkdollar Is At Base This:

The Nexus Of Good Trade, Good Luck & Good Comedy-

Let Me Explain Further Detail My Good Fellows

Who Have Gathered Here Today In Your Multitudes

To Learn Some Exciting “Yoinkdollar Theory”

Let Me Now Continue This Spritely Informative Education

Yes The Yoinkdollar Is A Lucrative Trade BUT

The Trade Is Done In the Real Economy

That Of Creating NEW Goods & Services

Thus, It Has A Large Egalitarian Component

The Simplest Way Is A Simple Real World Example

For Example: I Did The Dishes For Old Lady Doris

It Took Me 10 Minutes She Gave Me 20 Bucks

That My Friend Was The Earning Of 20 Yoinkdollars

Oh And I Forgot To Mention ‘Yoinkdollar Etiquette’

When The Goods Or Services Have Been Delivered

And The Cash Has Beed Handed Over By Doris Or David

It Is Good Manners For The Yoinkdollar Earner To Say

“Yoink”

At The Exact Moment The Cash Hits The Entrepreneurial Palm

And This Must Be Done In A Friendly Cartoon Character Like Voice

To Not Do So Is Very Bad Manners For the Yoinkdollar Trader

It Is Akin To Going To Turkey & Not Having Cup of Tea

Or An English Breakfast Tea In Ye Olde England

Or It Is Like Drinking Earl Grey Tea & Not Knowing

That Bergamot Is The Key Flavonoid

And Now This Lecture Is Over

Thankyou For Listening To My Poem Slash Exposè

On the Soon To Be Almightily Popular “Yoinkdollar”

Do Try It AT LEAST Once – It’s A Lot Of Fun.

You’ll Help Make Goodness Bloom Aplenty

Earn It Freely & Don’t Forget To Say “Yoink”

When Cash Is Tendered & Hits Your Outstretched Palm

Do Try It AT LEAST Once – It’s More Than A Lot Of Fun.