by Martin Anton Smith martinantonsmith@gmail.com
Today I Was Admitted To The Bar
This Was A Great Achievement
That I Had Put So Much Effort Into
What’s That?
Oh My Fine Rare As Hen’s Teeth Reader
You Think I Become A Lawyer?
You – If You Are The Stock Standard “Nouveau Riche” Person
Think I Am Now A “Success”
Because I’m A “Lawyer”?
And My Future Is One Of
Dinner Parties Where Everyone Says The Exact Same Thing?
A Nice House On The Hill?
A Sham Marriage?
With A Wife That Hates Me?
All The Anti-Depressant’s The Doc Can Shambolically Dispense?
A Flash Car?
A Mutual Fund Portfolio Managed By A Glorified Scammer?
Called A “Financial Planner” Or “Sharebroker”?
With 2.3 Kids at “Private School” & A Dog & an Audi Or BMW Or A Mercedes??
Oh No No No No!
That Will Not Do!
You Couldn’t Be More Mistaken!
I Would Never Involve Myself With Such A Unbridled Shit-Show!
To Put It Quite Plainly
Let Me Clarify:
I said I was “Admitted To The Bar”
This is slightly wrong
I Was “Re-admitted To The Bar”
Not The Lawyer Regulatory Kind But The Selling Alcohol Kind.
I Had Been Barred From The Dive Bar
For Loutish Behaviour
And Having Served My Week On the Side
Barman Sammy Simmons Called Me And Said
“Congratulations Barney – You Have Been Re-admitted To The Bar”
I Was Free To Again Drink With The Schmoes
And Tell Wild Untrue Stories Of My Many Glories
My Car Sucks, It Backfires, Breaks Down & Is Rusty
I Had A Wife But She Was Toothless & She Split
Across Many, Many State Lines,
Far Too Numerous To Count.
I Have 5.2 Kids Out There, To 3.7 One Night Stands
I Live in A Decrepit Boarding House,
Which Will One Day Get Flooded/Burnt Down/Red Stickered,
As It Is Not Situated On A Hill In Those “Leafy Green Suburbs”.
Society Calls Me A “Bum” A “Loser” A “Drunk” Or A “Fool”
But No Matter How Bad My Life Seems To Be
I’d Never Be Stupid Enough To Want To
“Admitted To The Bar”
Of The Lawyerly False Glory Kind.
How Can Anyone Do That?
I Could Never Live In That Charade,
For Even One Month,
Let Alone The 2 to 5 Decades
That Those Brainwashed Faux Elite Subject Themselves To.
The Stress Of Keeping Up Those Appearances,
I Something I Wouldn’t Wish on My Worse Enemy.
There Are Probably Some Good Lawyers Out There,
But I Haven’t Met One In Fifty Odd Years
& Yes You Are Correct – Those Years Have Indeed Been “Odd”
The “Good Lawyers” – If Indeed they Exist AT ALL
Must Be Very Good At Hiding.
I’ll Stay A “Working Class Hero”,
Even If I Am A Wannabe One,
& Pull Up My Bar Stool,
& Tell Of The Glory Days
To The Gang.
We Will Belch, Fart & Yell Loudly,
But Not Neccesarily In That Order.
At Least We Know We Are “Losers”
But At Least We Produce Real Stuff
Like Waratahs, Wire, Dug Ditches & Customized Trucks,
Our Habitat Is In Shipyards, Sheds & The Outdoors
We Make Real Goods In What Is Called The “Real Economy”
Our Goods Are Essential, Non-Speculative, Tangible, Non Parasitic.
Stuff that Builds Great Stable & Flourishing Economies & Societies.
So – We Are Not “Losers” At All
Unlike Those Snooty Lawyers
Who Only Create Limitless Factory Issue Units Of Misery
& Spread It Around The World (Like A Virus).
Yes, We Can Be Bad – But We Ain’t Ever THAT BAD.
And When World War Three Finally Breaks
Our Younger Ones Will Win It – Like Always.
Ok I’m Now Off To Be “Re-Admitted To the Bar”
Thank you For Your Time
After All -You Could Have Been Doing So Many Other Things
Such As Drinking At A Bar Or Ringing A Divorce Lawyer
Or Something Else In-Between Those Two Spectrums
Anton Martin Smith Writer 