The man who cannot ‘walk & chew gum’ at the same time takes a long time to get anywhere –
Unless of course he hates to chew gum,
In which case he is always on time.
But then on arrival he faces a new problem –
No one wants him around –
You see ‘Gum chewers’ think ‘Non-Gum Chewers’ are snobs.
After a while this accusation gets to him & he begins to chew gum.
In no time he makes a lot of friends & is known for always being late.
Over-excited by his newfound popularity amoungst the ‘Gum Chewers’ –
He goes overboard:
He subscribes to “Gum Chewers Monthly Magazine”
He invests his life savings in Wrigleys
He joins the Ivory Towers set & writes a thesis called:
‘Saw Jaws & bubble blowing throughout the ages: a longitudinal study well worth sinking your teeth into’
He is then approached by a well known american publisher to turn his thesis into a book,
Then Hollywood comes a-knocking for a feature length documentary
‘Saw Jaws’ becomes a Rollicking blockbuster –
He moves into the Hollywood Hills & dates a bevy of ‘A-listers’ –
Of course – “what goes up, must come down”
Fast forward 7 years – he is washed up, on crack & outa fame & cash & lives under a bridge.
“I wish I’d never reached for that stick of gum” are the words that rattle his head constantly.
They are not the only ones
“How can something as insignificant as chewing gum lead to this”
“How did the Devil get me in such a obscure way as this”
“Now I am so broke I can’t even afford a pack of gum”
Then he had an epiphany: he’d walk & not stop.
He’d walk & not chew gum – ad infinitum.
He Walked & Walked & Walked & never stopped.
People fed him along the way & gave him a bed at nights.
He began to get attention
Eventually the News Networks wanted to buy his story – for a princely sum.
Strangely he said yes and the whole ‘rise & fall’ story repeated itself again.
The moral of the story is this: Never try to impress the in-crowd.
Alas it is always true – they will chew you up & then spit you out.
But why can’t they Chew you up & spit you out at the same time?
Bloody Hypocrites!
Thankyou for enduring this long lasting & unpallatable gum chewing = life analogie
After all – It really is just some pricks piss poor poetry –
But then again – so it all is – it’s just the fancy packaging that makes you think otherwise.. .
Anton Martin Smith Writer 