mental-health – Page 2 – Anton Martin Smith Writer

An Update on Me (The Writer Chats)

March 29, 2025March 29, 2025Posted in UncategorizedTagged anxiety, depression, life, mental-health, writingLeave a comment

Well I am having anxiety. And as a hack writer (I know I shouldn’t say that) this is normal. I worry that this year less people will visit my Blog & my 5-year streak will end! This would be terrible! A hack writer such as myself couldn’t stand that pressure! If a writer that is a hack fails this mean they are a ‘hack hack’ – and we all know that all ‘hack hack’s’ eventually get ‘Whack Whacked!’. But that’s ok, some ‘whacks’ are good.

To make more sense, I guess when you try to do this writer or artist thing, you book yourself into anxiety – and you would have already had generalised anxiety syndrome already – otherwise you wouldn’t have been doing the Art thing for so long!

As mentioned/alluded to before – this means you have double anxiety. I’m not complaining – perhaps I’m not even making sense – after all, there are people with generalised anxiety that worry a tonne without being artists or writers – so I will shut up about anxiety now. Other than to say to other people like me (especially in the WordPress community) we can talk to each other about our anxiety – its ok to be not ok.

I feel better already.

So it’s been a while since my last chat – perhaps a few months. What has happened? Well I’m tempted to say “Not much” but that would be lazy. Let’s mention the good (I’ve mentioned the bad already haven’t I?). Well last year was a success – I wrote the most posts ever – 72! This was 3 more than the year before. I had a great December in my productivity. “What about Quality” – well I think I wrote a few good ones – perhaps one third of them were reasonably good, perhaps 5% were “gems”. I hope only 10-20% were “Crud”. So that was good.

I’ve been thinking about ramping up my professionality – like getting a paid site – putting myself out there in the ‘Real Life Writers Networking Scene’. The problem is I’ve been staling on that front. I am no doubt guilty of doing what all no name writers do – failure to push themselves out there properly or at all. This is a bad affliction – so if anyone has any tips of cracking that egg – please let me know (comment or email me at martinantonsmith@gmail.com).

Outside writing – Life in NZ has been ok. The economy always seems to leave half us out of anything good – but I guess that’s happening all over the Western world. I know many are worse off than me – my rent ain’t too bad vs others. But I find it very weird that the average joe can’t seem to ever win – although I know why this is – but I won’t share it because that’s a dark dark thing. I’ll just say this – “that’s the plan”.

The weather here is now getting cold – so my daily swims will be soon no more! I’ve been swimming a lot the last few months, and the last few weeks the water has got pretty pretty cold-plunge-like. That water aplenty has been very good for my mental health though – I fully recommend it.

My love life, I never talk about here. There’s nothing to say anyway. My heart is still shell shocked probably. It’s easier to become a eunuch. Also, it bugs me that females don’t seem to chat anymore – it’s like they have lost their edge in communicating. This is probably a post 2020 thing. Or perhaps the machines in our hands have just zipped our mouths. I do worry a lot about this – but I do have some good friends still – that’s at least something

Other than that…there’s not much news, the only thing I can think of is that I have been back to Dunedin (A good arty/writers/intellectual city) a couple of times in the last six months. This is good as it gets me involved in things a bit more. My tiny town only had 6 thousand people. I’ll be going again in a few days, so I’m looking forward to that. You have to always fight the urge to be a total hermit. Even if you are arty or a writer…(even if you are a hack hack).

On that note I wish you the one reading this well in your endeavors & I hope this rings true or at least slightly entertains.

Have a good week. (You can if you think you can…I think I can…think I can CHOO CHOO lol)

Martin A Smith

“PS…I Will Most Likely Dissapoint You” (A Poem)

March 8, 2025March 8, 2025Posted in UncategorizedTagged Bob Dylan, Books, Brainwashing, Earth, fiction, Humour, life, mental-health, Modern Day Slavery, Non Conformity, Poems, social commentary, The World, writingLeave a comment

by Martin Anton Smith

I am an Arty type,

I’ve drawn, painted, played music, & written stuff.

I self-sabotage – but that’s just another (unpublished) story.

But weirdly for an Arty type,

I look after my health & fitness.

I also now work with my hands.

So I’m in pretty good shape.

I could almost pass for a personal trainer.

This is a problem.

For for others, i.e. normies – I confuse them.

They feel they are not getting what they are buying.

They want a fellow unthinking normie jock.

But in me they get an overthinker;

A non-fiction & literature type book reader;

A night owl-late-rising “slacker”;

A “conspiracy theorist”;

A guy who can’t ever keep his room clean long;

Someone who can’t be easily brainwashed;

Someone who can think properly;

Someone who knows that Slavery never ended –

Only expanded to include everyone,

The fact hidden via ubiquitous airwave mantras;

Someone who knows that Brainwashing is the real economic currency on Earth;

So given all the above – most soon grow to hate me.

They wanted their real bona fide Jock,

Their unthinking buff personal trainer,

Their ardent careerist who thinks they’ll soon ‘get there’,

If only they’d work more hours in the office.

Someone who’d agree with their goon-scripted banalities & frivolities.

Someone who’d agree with ‘The Programming’.

Well I’m sorry that I falsely advertised myself visually.

But to nick the soon-to-be-forgotten cliche line –

From the finally soon-to-be-forgotten Bob Dylan,

That ain’t me babe,

No No No,

That ain’t me babe,

That ain’t me your looking for.

(Note: The ‘that aint me babe’ cliche works only if you also sing the line)

I know I’m breaking the artistic rules by being Arty AND Fit,

But there’s a good reason for it.

I liked Science & Maths before I liked Art.

You see, being fit simply makes sense,

If you have to still live in the physical world.

We are far too obsessed with our petty in-groups,

Where to be admitted into supposed ‘rebellion’,

You have to wear the right uniform.

And so I ask of you:

Why would a person who can truly act & think freely,

Ever agree to such a monstrosity?

So I will continue to look like a jock,

Despite the mass disappointment it engenders.

If only I’d make better art.

But again,

That’s just another (unpublished) story.

“Low Dopamine Inc.” ( A Poem)

July 16, 2024Posted in UncategorizedTagged addiction, Dopamine, exercise, health, Humour, mental-health, Mood, Motivation1 Comment

by Martin Anton Smith

Isn’t it funny,

When we are young,

How we confuse ‘feeling like crap’.

With something called our “personality”.

As if our body had no say in the matter.

But where does the Brain end & the body begin?

That my friend is not so clear.

The nervous system is laced everywhere & sends signals to the grey matter;

Chemical’s & Hormones flow all through the body & affect out mood:

Dopamine, Testosterone, Estrogen, Oxytocin, Serotonin are just a few.

Case in point: When I feel like I can’t lift a finger to do anything,

I know I am accutely just too low on dopamine.

It is not that I am ‘lazy’ or lack will power.

It’s simply I’m particularly prone to being low on this chemical.

yep – It’s all about knowledge.

Now I am life experienced to know this, I can better combat this lethargy.

I know that if I start to do something, my dopamine & testosterone rises,

& after an hour of physical work I suddenly become “Mr Go Getter”.

I don’t even need to try.

All because of a silly chemical hormone or two.

In these kinds of ways,

We are just machines that need maintenance & have certain specifications.

Of course this is dangerous knowledge.

The ‘World’ wants to hide how easy it is to feel good.

For they run the Hamster Wheel,

& They can’t have you walking out either of the freely open sides.

Their Machiavellianism itches would remain unscratched.

So In summary – you’re probably not ‘demotivated’ at all,

You only have low dopamine.

A very annodyne situation,

Totally benign,

& in no way immutable.

Dopamine can easily become Oxytocin,

Upon simply sweeping out you garage.

A Broom is a ‘Mood Enhancer’.

No Big Pharma, Pysc’s or General Quackery required.

‘A little knowledge is a very dangerous thing’ –

And oh how true.

“Musings About Hating Your Parents (That Old Chestnut)” (A Poem + Bonus Material).

May 25, 2024May 26, 2024Posted in UncategorizedTagged Child-Parent relationship, Children, education, family, Fathers, Forgiveness, mental-health, Parenthood, parentingLeave a comment

by M. Anton Smith

For many years I thought the old man was a bastard.

In fact, I think for a male younger than 35, this is the compulsory view.

No matter if your dad was Hitler-like or Christ-like.

When you get older you soon start to give these old fellas some begrudging credit.

These feelings of detente happen in piecemeal fashion over a decade or two…. or three.

There are numerous reasons for this realpolitik iceberg finally breaking the waterline.

The waterline that is ‘The Memories of Yesteryears Child-Parent Relationship’.

The first is by middle-age you have experienced the reality of how hard life is.

If you are someone who must work to live, then life is by definition hard.

Yes – for most of us just keeping the wolves from the present door & future doors –

is the prime task that must hoover up at least 75% of our available energy & attention.

So, this means that the ‘Child of the Adult’ is already scampering for the 25% balance.

If the Child has siblings, then this 25% gets splintered & reduced, often unevenly.

So, the children & of the true working classes – i.e. everyone who must work to live –

Be they the honourable ditch digger or the dishonourable lawyer –

Are scrambling over ever decreasing crumbs from the table that is available parental attention.

Worse that remainder parental attention is likely crabby-ness infused from a bad day/week/year/decade at the office.

The other problem from the working parents point of view is this:

Children are by nature immature.

This means Children are by nature annoying.

All frazzled working parents have to deal with this bold fact as well.

Of course, many Parents are negligent, sub-par & decidedly useless –

Some are even criminal in their ways.

Some Parents should indeed be ex-communicated by the adult child.

I am not denying these as-plain-as-the-nose-on-your-face truths.

I’m merely also acknowledging that the Child’s perspective is by nature warped.

If this warped analysis of the ills of our parents‘ parenting is never shone upon –

With the lights of reasonableness –

Then are we not simply punishing ourselves as now grown-up children?

Also, now as I look back as a child of the 80’s,

Being a latch-key kid had its benefits –

Mostly we latch-keys roamed those hills, rivers, streams are city streets like carefree bandits.

Conversely, woe to the children of the 21st Century:

Condemned to be hovered over by overly-neurotic-mega-safety-conscious parents.

Coddling vs Negligence – they are both bad for the future adult,

But at least negligence can result in adults with a tough but successful exterior, as much as drug addicts.

Parental Coddling I don’t think ever dissipates, short of serving at the front of a Big War.

This is why I belatedly realised that you may as well forgive the old man,

For his real misgivings as well as the imagined ones –

And don’t kid yourself that the two cases aren’t muddled up.

As the years left become less than those we have lived,

There’s no good reason to hold onto those warped child representations of our past.

Unless we value Pig-headedness over well-being.

& I ask you –

Who in their right mind would choose to do that?

The old man might have been a bastard –

The point is that there is enough reasonable doubt.

I may as well not convict.

And another way to look at the general problem of assesing you parents as an adult is this –

The long admired legal maxim:

It is much worse to convict a single innocent, than let free a hundred of the guilty.

So it should indeed be a high bar to ex-communicate your mother or father for life.

As a wise man once made up just now:

Pig-headedness is oh-so-fun when all around you are your fellow pigheads.

But all hell breaks loose when the bacon truck arrives through the farm gate.

The very same farm gate that had been safely locked your whole pigheaded life.

Yes there is a wicked pleasure to be gained in Pig-headedness –

But as sure as sliced ham it will lead to the slaughterhouse.

BONUS MATERIAL

[Note: I have written this piece after growing older & revisiting my feelings about my own thoughts of my parents, in particular my father. Given that we are all sons & daughters of Parents, we all are cursed to have by their nature, very emotional views of our upbringings. These words are simply (I expect) a typical re-examining of the parent child relationship through the eyes of the middle-aged person. Middle age usually brings experience & this means the middle-ager has become at least somewhat wiser. This extended engagement in the long battle that is the now many decades daily adult life helps us open our eyes wider to see a better view. I know many others my age will be able to sympathise with the ‘somewhat semi autobiographic’ views told. The average member of the ‘over 35 crowd’ should definitely reconsider the philosophy of forgiveness in relation to their Parents – simply because the truth maybe they are simply clinging to comfortable inaccurate views of their blanketed-but-still-there, inner child-self. – M. A. Smith]