by Martin Anton Smith
My room is a messy cluttered disaster zone @ this is its homeostasis.
Being neat & tidy does not come natural to me – a main house I can be tidy –
But a personal bedroom has always been my disaster zone.
I’ve been thinking of the best way to quickly tidy up –
It is to explode a bomb in the middle of the room –
Entropically speaking this would have to work wonders.
For my room is always at maximum entropy.
I like to think of it as a model of the end state of our universe –
So disordered it can’t become any more disordered.
Physicists call this the ‘heat death of the universe’,
And contend that nothing at all can happen –
It would be like a giant timeless frozen hologram.
My ‘bomb cleans my room’ thought has made me think of an alternate Physics theory.
Or should I say a conjecture which is really just a ‘tentative theory’,
A proto theory if you will.
You see I propose that instead of frozen nothingness,
Something can happen.
But it can only move in the direction of decreasing entropy or increasing order.
i.e. I let a bomb off & it takes my dirty undies off the floor & they fly into a draw, nicely folded, clean.
The CD’s unscatter & leap back into the bookshelf.
The dust disappears & reattaches itself to my arms & as fibres on my coats.
What’s that you say egghead?
“Entropy must always increase”
Well, not if Physics laws are nestled in a hierarchy.
So for my “Bomb cleans up room theory” to work, this would be so.
The higher Physics law enabling this would be:
“You cannot have a universe where nothing happens”.
So instead of the Universe & my room Freezing – it has to do something.
It can’t get any more messy – it’s in a state of maximum disorder & entropy.
So the only thing it can do is clean itself up.
Which is why my dirty undies cleaned & re-drawered themselves.
This of course would entail us living our lives backward –
dead people would come out of graves, back to hospital & then start breathing,
grow younger & younger until you die by returning to you mother’s womb.
Perhaps this is what is already happening now.
“But that’s not how we remember things” I hear you cry!
“we remember being a child before being a teenager & an adult” I hear you utter.
This would merely entail we remember futures first & not our pasts first!
The Film of the universe is always running backwards, & our brains merely fixo chango it –
So everything looks normal.
Yes Yes Yes I hear the squirrely voices of you naysayers!
This conjecture is undoubtably true…
I say this without an ounce of overconfidence!
Now I really must leave this Royal Society lecture hall.
A spot of Bomb-Cleaning is in order.
For my room has reached Maximum Entropy & Chaos!
P.S. My other theory is I have gone totally doo-lally,
Which as a fiction writer, is actually a plus.
As I always never say:
Being backward is the only real way forward.
………..
Boom.
Anton Martin Smith Writer 