Honesty & ‘Kings Honours’ awards: Will you get a ‘Certificate’ or a ‘Carrot’ (Up the Jacksie)? (A Blog Post)

By Martin Anton Smith martinantonsmith@gmail.com

In NZ because we are not yet a Republic – we have Knighthoods & Orders of Merit etc etc which have the stamp of approval from the head of state i.e in this case the King of England.

Quite often total assholes get awards. But since the world is run by assholes, this should not surprise anyone.

For example, this year they gave an old Politician (let’s just call her ‘Ruth RRRichardson’) an award. She in 1991 cut benefits to the poor.

She did it with a smile.

I was one of the poor children affected by this many years ago.

She literally took a day’s food out of me & my two sibling’s mouths – well also from my mothers too.

So, I don’t mind saying a giant FU to her, even now 34 years since she did the dirty on the poor kids & their single mother parents……now you know the context, let me get into the meat of this sandwich…. I’ve came up with an “Alternate history of Ruth Richardson’s Kings honor award” …here it is

Why don’t they just be honest when handing out Kings Honours Awards?

e.g. The revamped ceremony that now favours honesty might go like this (imagine an aging society fuddy duddy giving a ‘weird chemistry teacher look-a-like’ female politician getting the award) :

“Ruth RRRichardson – you get a Kings Honour for the following chicanery category”:

“For the holding down of the poor & the ‘great unwashed’ and for distracting them from the fact they are slaves slash chattel of the state; & For the picking of their pockets over the period of X decades in under the guise of helping them out – your unrivaled dastardry & pig-headed lack of empathy has surprised & enamoured you to us – the most withered of joyless souls who exist at the highest ranks of this very rancid & farty smelling room”.

& then they say this

“Now bend over & receive the giant golden carrot, which once removed & cleaned can be redeemable for 100% cold pressed kiwi-slave juice”

“I’ve been waiting decades for this carrot” She said as she smiled for the camera – although the “smile” was not really a smile as the ends of her lips remained fully below the horizontal plane.

And what did I have to do with this new Kings Honours ceremony? I was so happy that I was made the convener for “The distributing the Kings Honors Physical Awards to each winner” This means I was able to push through this diktat while no one was looking:

13-b section 2: The Mean ones can get the oversize carrot up the jacksie, & the nice ones can get a certificate.

Through some twist of fate, the quality control staff didn’t delete my diktat & this came to be. The only thing that annoys me?

The bad ones liked the carrot.

That was not the plan.

“Ode to “Chinaski”aka Bukowski (an article)

by Martin Anton Smith

I like to think of myself as a modern day “Chinaski” but less hard drinking & my floozies do not flooze so much. When I was younger, perhaps I was more like him – with a better class of floozie & slightly less wild nights out.

Of course the fictional ‘Chinaski’ was in fact the more than semi-autobiographical ‘alter ego’ of himself – Charles Bukowski. Bukowski the 20th Century San Padro ‘Poet Laurette’ of the “American Gutters”.

It took a while but eventually the writing snobs mostly agreed he was at least somewhat a literary genius; or at absolute worst a semi-historic, partially worthwhile truly original writer. Of course his stuff is amazing, gritty, real, unpolished. He paints with words the underbelly of twentieth century urban America – namely Los Angeles.

I’d like to think I’m like the Chinaski that finally belted out a bachelors degree & the had a crack at being upper middle class, then ditched it out of disgust, picking up a hammer & a rake, & at night – a pen.

This about face with garden tools & pens & blogs serves as my requiem of that fake-ass zombified corporate office scene I was engaged in for a decade and a half. Bukowski is right their are way too many terrible work environments that kill a man’s soul. I’ve seen it & if you’re reading this – you probably have too.

But I’m probably just romanticising Bukowskis mostly horrible life. The guy was clearly deeply depressed. But he said he had never given up for a better life. He had Hope for his writing. Writing was thing that staved away the kinds of suicides that plagued his drinking buddies The drug overdoses & liver failures.

I agree with Buk – ‘Hope’ is so important in a tough life. You can’t live without it, if you try to live without Hope, you can only be actually dead or if you somehow stay alive – you will become the pinhole eyed, shuffling, pale, flabby skinned, disheveled, walking dead. It’s one or the other if you are in the gutters or almost-gutters & you don’t have At least a glimmer of Hope.

I’m like the Chinaski that realised he could easily be an independent contractor instead of a salary slave. I don’t know why Chinaski didn’t realise this.

After all Chinaski could have been an independant cleaner or odd jobs man with ease. But perhaps he would have been too ‘lazy’ to be his own boss.

But Chinaski wasn’t lazy – he had that peculiar form of lazyness – sticking to terrible jobs. But then again he was also harvesting material.

Chinaski’s 11 years in the Post office paid off – he wrote his first published Novel about the misery of it all. I can’t forget his line about one of his colleagues – about how the muscled fit young new guy that slowly lost his self respect & turned to a depressed blob – like every other ‘lifer’ at the Post office. I know what it’s like – I worked for three months at an Australian Post Office – it was basically the same as Buk had described in Post Office.

Without Chinaski type literature, many middle class snobs would never see the reality of urban underclass life: The rooming houses with couples screaming at each other, punching each other. The dive bars & their casual but brutal fights in their back alleyways. Jobs that kill the soul mind & body for slave wages. The evictions the downtrodden faced every other month (yes usually for good reason) .

Through through his personified character ‘ Chinaski’ Buk told of the life of downtrodden drunkard, but he also added the spice of hope – his nightly typewriter & those hours that turned out all those unique gems we get to read or listen too.

His stubbornness eventually paid off when he was 50 – he was offered a stipend by Black sorrow press & he decided to quit the Post office or as he put it to “starve & be happy” Vs stay & be “ dead but full” (something like that anyway).

But Buck’s faith in Hope did pay off. Blow me down if in the last few years of his life in the late 80’s if Hollywood didn’t knock on his door & make a film about it all – ‘Barfly’ was pretty good & was made on a shoestring. Bukowski write the screenplay. Mickey Rourke play him.

Anyway I just thought I’d write a few words about the troubled but great man. I know Not enough Kiwis or Australians know his work. He should probably n fact be loved in both countries – given our tough life heritage on both sides of the Tasman sea.

Sure he was probably an asshole, a sleaze bag, a bad drunk….but he had his good points – he wrote each sentence with real punch & he made things happen through grit & artistic discipline – he was a champion of the liberal arts. If you realise you don’t need to be his best friend to read his stuff – you’ll get the fruits of his labour.

He’s definitely worth a read. I’d start with Post office or maybe Ham on Rye or Factotum.

But beware! Don’t be like me. Don’t glamourised his day to day drunken life too much – least your subconscious mind begin to go to “the track” way too much & you start to kill your liver at a time where you should be doing more gardening.

I wonder what Chinaski’s doing right now? And I wonder if those two places actually exist – did he go to heaven or hell? It’s a fine question, there’s arguments for both sides.

Give him a read or at least watch the movie called ‘barfly’ – last I saw it was till on YouTube.

And for us ‘would be writers’ we should take inspiration that he didn’t make any real headway until he was 50 – but to get that chance he had done the leg work for three decades before. So at the least we ‘would be’s’ need to keep writing regularly. Our time could still in theory ‘happen’. We’re putting ourselves ‘in the game’. Let’s keep writing @ take Bukowski’s advice: write each sentence with punch.

“The Rough Sleeper & Me” (A Poem)

by Martin Anton Smith

So I walk down to the New Bridge rest area,

By the mighty Clutha River.

This is a monthly jaunt of mine, give or take.

I go to let loose some of those bastard excess stress molecules.

Sky, Water, Trees, Birdsong & Green – It does us all well.

Even the Grumpiest of assholes will feel better.

That’s right – I am in In small town New Zealand.

I walk down the rocky old alluvial river-track to the destination.

Bounded by willow trees & flowing water on one side & scrub on the other.

After five minutes I get to the rest area.

There he is!

The rough sleeper.

Middle aged.

Dreadlocked.

Face is beaten but not out.

There’s a dormant spark there.

I’m sure most people don’t see it.

They’ll judge immediately & avoid.

I’ve talked to him at least four times before.

He’s witty, & has a hearty laugh.

We are roughly the same generation – Gen X.

We talk of the great days of youth when bars were full & people had fun.

Sure it was all a lazy form of fun,

But at least people knew how to kick up heals back then.

We both agree that the ‘younguns these days’ take themselves way too seriously.

They don’t know how to have fun.

Not like our glorious generation did!

Poor sods those digital natives – born with a trashy computer strapped to their hands.

Nothing good can come of that.

We sound like old timers, which I guess we are becoming.

Call us ‘beginner old-timers’.

This time I have a six pack in hand,

I was going to crack open a few & take some home.

I give him a beer, he cracks it open like it’s the finest Bougelet wine, & so do I.

“There’s two more of those coming too” I say firmly & democratically.

He’s happy.

We spin some more yarns.

The conversation turns a little dark – a habit of mine.

We agree the ‘system’ we’re all born into, is a giant scam of evil genius.

Where the very many slaves think they’re free, or well off even.

You see, it’s all about expert brainwashing & reducing the slave’s options.

He’s like me – he can talk about depressing stuff like this,

And yet really enjoy it on an intellectual level.

It’s a weird happy form of misery –

but I’m probably gilding the lily –

But to be honest it’s probably a main of misery with a side of happiness.

Depressive types tend to be like this – & this includes all intellectuals.

But for now it suits me to pretend I can be happy talking about miserable subjects.

Maybe it’s just a lazy form of escapism.

But there must be some merit in it – Christ himself essentially said ‘The World sucks’.

Too soon, the beers are now all gone.

I say “Hey you hungry, I’ll shout you some fish & chips”?

Yeah “sounds great” he says.

So of we trudge to the chippy.

We arrive, we sit outside as is his choice.

I order two packs – one for him one for me.

Five fish bites & a scoop each – again, it’s democracy in action.

The food comes out & we tuck in.

A guy and his kid come out of the chip shop.

The rough sleeper engages these starngers like they’re old friends.

The dad is friendly & says his boy is autistic.

The boy sits down with us & the rough sleeper offers a chip to the boy.

That will turn out to be unprofitable.

I eat all my food quickly – I wolf it down.

Alas I grew up poor, that’s what people like me will do for life.

The rough sleeper eats very slowly & engages in a long-winded chat with the dad.

I wonder – maybe he grew up in a well off family?

Meanwhile the kid nonchalantly eats half of his chips & three of his alloted five fish bites.

I jump in & eat the fourth fish bite, for some reason this seems logical.

We can’t let the kid eat all of his food!

Oh well, at least my rough sleeper friend had a minor feed.

The kid & his dad leave.

“I hardly got any of those” says Rough Sleeper.

“Tell me about it – I had to eat one of your fish bites”

We laugh.

I get my car & drop him off to his hitchhike spot over the bridge.

he’s gotta go to Dunedin.

He tells me vaguely that somethings going down on Monday.

I don’t press him for details.

Before he gets out, I empty my car’s weighty change jar in his hand.

I’m guessing he would have got at least twenty-five bucks.

I’m thinking that’ll help him get a better feed at the next port.

I’m glad I helped me ol mate the rough sleeper.

I think to myself if he had five to ten people like me, he’d be totally on his feet in no time.

Yes – I’m feeling good that I helped him a little.

But then I would be lying if the two thoughts didn’t cross my mind.

‘Will I live to regret this’

AND

‘Is this guy really a rough sleeper – I wonder if he’s a Govt agent sent to spy on me’.

Then I realise.

New Zealand’s too useless to come up with a potential ‘great spy’ like rough sleeper.

I purged the thought.

I haven’t seen rough sleeper for three weeks now, I’ll be looking out for him.

After all – he’s a bloody great New Zealander!

Well, so far at least.

I really should have remembered his name.

After all, me & him have actually have a lot in common,

I’m probably just five to ten per cent luckier than him.

That’s the slim margin between rough sleeping & somewhat relative comfort.

The snobs of the world that screw their faces up at rough sleepers,

Who are mostly just time poor slaves – should recognise that brute fact.

But then again, he’s probably a lot happier than them anyway.

Their own lives is their own punishment.

After all –

As me & ‘rough sleeper’ contend

It’s all a mega-genius-evil-system – with its own internal logic…

But so long as you know it….

You can still eke out a genuine smile…

Even while under heavy fire from the enemy….

(or was it just the free beer?)

Till our next democratic tutorial ‘slash’ lecture ‘O Rough Sleeper’!

Down by the ‘new bridge’, with the ‘old bridge’s’ pillars looking on.

With the mighty Clutha River just passing though.

Slavery’s Iron Fists (A Poem)

Slavery was never slayed:

It was merely repackaged & rebranded.

Instead of stealing people from overseas – they came up with ‘work visas’ –

& convinced the slaves to send themselves.

The trick was scale –

That way the wages minus their lodgings, food & electric became zero.

When you sum up the subterfuge

The modern Slave-Employee works for free.

“But Slavery Was abolished”

The subterfuge works via the Share-market ownership monopolies

The Slave owners are now Blackrock, State St, & Vangard

Slavery was just consolidated from a Million Slave Owners

To perhaps 100 Major Shareholders of these Big 3 Crooks.

So, you see Slavery was never abolished –

It was just cloaked more effectively.

This trickery allowed the entire world to be enslaved –

When in the past perhaps only one third of it was.

Don’t ever believe in the myth of ‘Progress’ & ‘Democracy’.

It never happened.

But ever-increasing Slavery did.

Don’t be a fool to think otherwise.

Find your own way to sneak through the cracks in Slavery’s Iron Fists

It is the only way.

“A Trip To The Two-Sided Town” (A Poem)

by Martin Anton Smith martinantonsmith@gmail.com

Post Covid – the ‘Sneak Aways’ had all but ‘dried up’.

Prior to all the madness,

As orchestrated by the Politician ‘Bond Villain’ control freaks,

That not only litter the landscape, but carve it up,

Via slights of hand & its extension – the Missile.

Yes – The regular ‘Sneakaway’ jaunts did flow smoothly,

As did the hazy ales & Burger Joint meals.

As did the Rock ‘N’ Roll tunes,

Played by many the lesser known,

Young but also more known & aging,

‘Semi Traveling Wilberrys’.

And the ‘Sneakaways’ always ended as they should:

Half content & half disorientated,

That comes with visitation to mass transit points,

Aka locales of ‘Spiritual Vortexes & Clandestine Battlefields’

Yes – these are ‘The Sneakaways’

The Spots Where There Are Always & Many

Souls for someone to save.

I did take my modern-day petrol eating horseless wagon,

And parked it by the lake – where later I would later rest my head.

The Pool Joint I did end up.

To cut a too long Poem shorter,

It contained the following:

Ten Big Pool Tables

Pizza’s

30 odd Patrons – aka The ‘New Age Gold Diggers’,

The Ones Working in Low Wage Hospo & Labouring & Paying a Tonne For Rent-

i.e half the town & three quarters of the most visible town-walkers

These “most visible town-walkers” are not mining gold any more but are mining ‘experiences’.

But in Truth, the real reasons they are here – will only crystallise years later – after deep life introspection.

When ‘Old Father Time’ strips away all the smoke & haze & thus reality can emerge with perfect clarity.

Yes – here I am in the Pool Bar.

As an aging semi-life-experienced fella, I begun dishing out ‘how the world works’ epithets –

Which were lapped up by these scattered young men, who all pine for the fatherly & brotherly guidance,

That they probably, almost certainly never got.

I Of course, didn’t mind playing the role, as I played Pool & chugged the affordable beers.

But I ask you – what single, childless 45-year-old man wouldn’t?

He would & does for himself – and he helps heal some wounds as the by-product.

I mean it’s far easier & immediately rewarding AND entertaining than being

A a REAL DAD or even a Older Brother.

It Is All reward with ZERO risk.

The Pool night was short sharp & fun & over fast,

A few of us even talked about “If God Exists or not” topic.

Half agreed & Half didn’t.

I found the ratio quite surprising, for a town like this.

After the Pool Bar,The rest of the trip was just sleeping & waking to a semi officious voice:

“Are you living in your car”,

She said to me as I stood outside my car.

“No I live in the other town, I’m just up for a rest”, I said

“Oh ok we are filming a documentary on the housing crisis down here” – she said chirpilly.

“I don’t see it changing – unless they build totally new hermeticalluy sealed towns” I said.

“I think you’re right” she said.

I drove away & left the scene, realising how lucky I am these days.

For I begrudgingly must admit to myself,

I am now probably a ‘Have’ but was formerly a ‘Have Not’.

And I could now simply ‘drive out of it all’.

But the new age gold diggers & car sleepers here cannot do this –

& I ask ‘who will save them’?

It seems no one who is wedded to this earth is willing to.

because they are ok, & human nature is to be selfish

& That, in a nutshell, is why suffering occurs in this world of bounty –

Millennia after millennia.

And maybe that problem is why, perhaps – I keep visiting.

A force compels me to ‘sneak away’ to the two-sided,

Spiritually Warfare’d,

Poorly Welfare’d

Ex Gold Mining,

‘Car Sleeping’

Escapist

Shiney

‘Bountified’

Two-Sided Town.