By Anton Martin Smith

So I do garden jobs for the elderly (well that’s 99% of my customers at least).

Now as you know petrol has basically hit astronomical heights. In NZ it’s nudging $4/litre (or in USD / gallon it is $7.50/ Gallon).

So now I have an interesting problem – for the small jobs where I pull weeds for two hours I now “hope” that the customer gives $5 towards petrol.

How this works – well let me explain with today’s example (the exact same kinda thing happened last week with the same customer too btw).

So I’ve finished the two hours work, I’ve been knee deep in a half muddy garden pulling weeds. I’m now packing up and the customer – let’s call him “George” comes out to pay me the agreed hourly amount times two hours work.

Me: Ah it’s looking a lot better isn’t it George?

George: Yes thanks for that so it’s $80 right for two hours?

Me: Ah…yeah…sure…

(George has $90 dollars in his pocket he gives me the $80 & leaves the remaining ten hanging out of his top pocket for me to look longingly at)

Me (continued). Ah cheers …oh boy have you seen the petrol charges these days? It’s going to $4 a litre! It’s tough times I tell ya George! (I eye the possible petrol money that’s almost falling out of his pocket)

George: Yeah a lot of people are going to electric cars these days!

Me: That reminds me of my friend Simon – he has an electric car and he goes to charge it at the local supermarket car park – only he’s such a cheap arse he never goes in to but anything at all – not even a can of beans! My mate Simon – he’s a bloody cheap arse George I tell ya! (Hoping he will get the hint and free those potential petrol dollars from his pocket to mine).

George: oh yeah I heard they’re clamping down on those types that do that.

Me: Yeah actually one time someone wrote a picture of a male appendage and stuck it to his windscreen – I wonder if it was the staff getting annoyed that he was ‘all take and no give’ as the say. (Again hoping he will loosen those petrol dollars hanging out of his pocket)..

George: Oh did they? Yeah that could be right.

(Then the wind picks up and flutters the two $5 notes to the point where they are almost falling out of his pocket – I use this as a chance to nudge him some more)

Me: Hey George you better watch it, the winds almost blowing those two $5 out of your pocket.

George: oh hehe (stuffs them down a little bit they still are half out)

Me: (defeated, but still somewhat cheery sounding) Ok well I’ll probably see you in two weeks then.

George: Yes sounds good. By the way you’re a real help to us takes the pressure off us a lot!

Me: No worries happy to help!

(I pack up the shovel @ garden bag into my old beater if a car and go to the next job. I think to myself – ‘surely he did that at least half on purpose?’. I tell myself ‘Don’t worry, he must have worked in an office his whole life’. After all don’t office people always do these kinds of things?