Tag: Alcoholism

by Anton Martin Smith Antonmartinsmithwrites@gmail.com or Martinantonsmith@gmail.com

Don’t tell anyone this.

You better not.

Or else their will be galactic trouble.

You will suffer If you spill the beans!

Ok here it is – the big reveal:

I am not human.

I am an alien from a distant star system.

I came here to raise the consciousnes of human being everywhere.

It was going to be the defining moment of human existence.

But I am sorry, I got derailed from the plan.

I stopped into one of your pubs and started drinking beer.

Then I noticed the attractive human females dancing.

I forgot my mission entirely.

And what’s worse?

It’s now twenty years later from that fateful day.

I’ve become addicted to this swill, and the these now well aged hags.

My glorious mission and prior cosmic repectability has bitten the dust.

And so I have became just another loser sitting on a barstool,

Telling another loser just exactly how he became a loser.

What’s that you say?

Your story is almost the same?

But instead you are from the Scutum-Centaurus Arm instead of the Perseus?

Fuck!

We fellow Milky Way aliens have really gone down in the world lately haven’t we?

These human beings are a very bad influence on us.

Yes yes yes – I agree – we were wrong to try to increase their consciousness to a higher plane.

Yes yes yes – I agree – we should have just vaporized them from afar.

Oh well, never mind.

Let’s just raise a drink of swill to being depressed aliens in forever exile on a totally fucked-up planet.

Oh I’m glad you agree.

Now out of interest – which of these funny dancing hags do you like the best?

Is it the fat, short, smelly partly bald one to my right that’s holding my hand,

Or is it the tall, hollow-cheeked, bug-eyed and buck toothed one sitting on your lap?

I guess we could always swap.

After all we’ve lost all respect for ourselves.

Ah isn’t it sad – our home planets have shunned us for our rank immorality.

Yes yes I agree – at least we fit in perfectly with the Earth crowd.

Oh glee! Oh rapture! We merry few galactic losers!

Sinking pints and a-choosin’ human hags!

Hazaar to the Humans!

Oh hey…did you see that – that human just pulled out their cock out then puked on that bouncer.

My word these folks are something else!

I’m so glad I’m exiled here and not on the teetotaller Andromeda system.

Now is it my round or yours?

Oh and one more thing – Isn’t it weird?

I’ve been drinking this swill through my dugong shaped nose all this time –

And no one’s batted an eyelid for a full twenty years!

Not a once my Scutum-Centares friend!

Ahh yes…I hear you well and good…yes I agree totally –

They like phallocentric shaped things of all shapes and sizes.

But is it too much to ask that an abusive drunken fool call me ‘dicknose’ once in a blue moon?

After all – I would really appreciate the attention.

I can’t just sit here by myself having conversations with an empty barstool like you forever you know.

Now excuse me – my nose is gettin’ thirsty.

Bonus Material: Let’s see what the new WordPress AI Podcast BOT says about “Excuse me my nose is gettn’ thirsty’