“Don’t Be An Alco If You Can Help It – A Tribute To Buk” (A Prose Poem)

by Anton Martin Smith antonmartinsmithwrites@gmail.com

Perhaps no writer has told of the ave joes plight in the nine-to-five drudge.

Than the great Bukowski.

Yes he was a sleaze.

But let’s be honest at least half of urban-nine-to-five slave-women like sleazes.

They can use them & throw them away.

They are convienient.

They are fun during bar night ovulations.

The other half are at least intrigued by a wild animal type like Bukowski.

I mean the cliché is that all women like a ‘bad boy’.

Clichés have to at least be half true – don’t they?

Of course they are.

Although he did say he ‘let women push him around’, & that’s why they liked him a lot.

But I think he was at least a hybrid of both a ‘pushover & a bad boy’.

Perhaps it was the hybrid nature that intrigued his many boozy women that he talked of in ‘Women’.

But then again most of Buk’s women were fellow ‘bottom of the barrel types’.

They were alcoholics, party animals etc.

Though later in life Buk said he couldn’t be bothered with bars no more –

He just wanted to sit in a quiet room.

Even an dive-bar-livin’-alco like Buk can’t party much past fifty.

There’s the famous video where he gets pissed at Linda his wife because she keeps partying big.

In the infamous video she is unrepentant & says “I’ll keep going out & I’ll see who ever I want”.

This makes Buk ‘see red’ – he threatens to ‘Get his Jewish lawyers to kick her out’.

She is again unrepentant to his discomfort & his view of ‘how it should be’.

He loses it, his ager boils over & as the are both at opposite ends of the couch,

He starts kicking her like a child would – it looks bad on camera but there’s no force behind the kicks.

He ruined his poise & argument there.

It was a good argument to not be an alcoholic if you can help it at all.

But if you are and you can’t, it also helps to be an entertainer, artist or writer –

They kinda issue you a ‘free pass to misbehave’.

Rest in peace Buk – may you be soaking in a giant vat of Budweiser in the clouds.

For the record I was a binge drinker for fifteen years, but not an alcoholic.

These days I just sit in a quiet room, drink two beers a night & write.

Like Bukowski my wild party days are long gone.

All I have left are a few wild memories.

And sometimes I really miss those various Bukowski Boozy Babes I had too.

Time really does turn deadly sharp edges into fuzzy warm curves.

“The Feminists & Bukowski” (A Poem)

by Martin Anton Smith

The Femminists hate Bukowski.

But they secretly read his books in the book store,

making sure not to tell anyone.

But all the bookstore owners know their game –

& I am one of those bookstore owners.

In the end as they age –

The Feminists all end up marrying a ‘Bukowski-like-guy’.

After all,

‘People always get what they can have’

You see I was not correct to say “The Feminists hate Bukowski”

I should have said this:

“The Feminists Love to hate Bukowski”

And by marrying a Bukowski-like-guy,

The Feminist can have lifetime-job-security –

She can talk to, eat with & even fuck the object of her derision –

She as a crazy feminist loves being hitched to an ‘unsolvable problem’

The ‘unsolvable problem’ that is her “Bukowski-like-guy”.

I now command you to read the first half of Bukowski’s “Woman” –

Unlike life – The second half is a repetition of the first.

Deep down, surely the Feminists have to at least respect Buk’s complete honesty.

I mean that is a truly rare thing,

As much on the written page as it is in Life.

P.s. As an aside I lied about being a book store owner –

If only I was, I’d finally be happy!

But then again have you ever seen a happy book store owner?

I am not so sure.

Perhaps it’s because of the –

“the more you know – the more you know what you don’t know” effect.

Either that or they are just slowly going broke –

Which incidentily is a favourite topic in Bukowski’s work.