Humour – Page 7 – Anton Martin Smith Writer

“You Are Watching WBN” -Writers Blocks News (A Poem)

February 20, 2024Posted in UncategorizedTagged Humour, poem, writers, Writers BlockLeave a comment

by M. Anton Smith

Breaking News:

Writers Block Connects with Writer’s Head –

Luckily, they were already a blockhead anyway,

So no one other than a few blog readers were harmed.

(Apologies – This is a slow news day – Ed)

“The Feminists & Bukowski” (A Poem)

February 18, 2024February 18, 2024Posted in UncategorizedTagged Buk, Bukowski, Charles Bukowski, Feminism, Humour, Marriage, Poems, social commentaryLeave a comment

by Martin Anton Smith

The Femminists hate Bukowski.

But they secretly read his books in the book store,

making sure not to tell anyone.

But all the bookstore owners know their game –

& I am one of those bookstore owners.

In the end as they age –

The Feminists all end up marrying a ‘Bukowski-like-guy’.

After all,

‘People always get what they can have’

You see I was not correct to say “The Feminists hate Bukowski”

I should have said this:

“The Feminists Love to hate Bukowski”

And by marrying a Bukowski-like-guy,

The Feminist can have lifetime-job-security –

She can talk to, eat with & even fuck the object of her derision –

She as a crazy feminist loves being hitched to an ‘unsolvable problem’

The ‘unsolvable problem’ that is her “Bukowski-like-guy”.

I now command you to read the first half of Bukowski’s “Woman” –

Unlike life – The second half is a repetition of the first.

Deep down, surely the Feminists have to at least respect Buk’s complete honesty.

I mean that is a truly rare thing,

As much on the written page as it is in Life.

P.s. As an aside I lied about being a book store owner –

If only I was, I’d finally be happy!

But then again have you ever seen a happy book store owner?

I am not so sure.

Perhaps it’s because of the –

“the more you know – the more you know what you don’t know” effect.

Either that or they are just slowly going broke –

Which incidentily is a favourite topic in Bukowski’s work.

“Our Lives On Earth” (A Poem)

February 16, 2024Posted in fictionTagged Earth, fiction, Humour, philosophy, poem, Poems, social commentary, The Human ConditionLeave a comment

by Martin Anton Smith

A one-inch-tall man who lives inside a ten-inch-tall glass jar,

Shouldn’t be surprised when no matter how fast he moves or jumps –

That he remains inside the glass jar…

But even worse off are the people next to him,

Also inside the glass jar,

That insist the glass isn’t even there.

“The Wise Man Is just a Smart Man Who Does”(A Poem)

February 12, 2024February 12, 2024Posted in UncategorizedTagged Books, Dumb Man, fiction, history, Humour, inspiration, Money, Poems, reading, Smart Man, social commentary, technology, universities, Wise ManLeave a comment

by Martin Anton Smith

The smart person who chooses to not use their smarts,

Must logically be *much* worse that the dumb person who *can’t do*.

Much much worse than the dumb person who *tries to do* yet fails;

And *infinitely worse* than the dumb person that does, in fact, *do*.

There are far more smart people that *don’t do* than dumb people that *do do*.

Smart people who *don’t do* seem to think they have an a-priori greatness,

As if their ‘real self’ is alive in some kind of a parallel Platonic-like-universe,

Where great thoughts & ideas are the only game in town

But really, here on Earth – they are by any practical definition,

The dumbest people around.

Someone with an IQ of 120 or more should not forever be cleaning out chicken coops,

& having no real impact on anyone or anything…..

I blame the ‘Quad-um-virate’ of Universities, Corporatism, Politicians, & the Thinktank elitists –

They have installed this mindset in the people via their deft duplicitous chicanery,

For this ‘Quad-um-virate’ likes to build up social hierarchies in people’s minds –

& How can a Uni student ever mix it with Einstein, Tolstoy, Jobs & Woz, Dirac, Crick & Watson & JFK etc?

They like to ignore the fact that people usually succeed through trial & error, obstinacy & just turning up.

The obscure the fact that doing anything is ultimately just a process & is available to anyone.

But why would the knowledge gatekeepers do this?

They do this because they must keep only a small % of people ‘succeeding’ –

They must vigilantly police who gets to the upper part of the pyrimid –

They can’t let everyone succeed on merit or by access to ungated resources –

For how else could you fleece the last remaining few shekels?

Yes The shekels of the great billions running on the hamster wheels –

A few small dollars stolen off the great 8 Billion strong majority adds up very nicely,

When it is shared to the few tens of thousands the apex levels of the pyrimid scheme.

But you must convince them that they can’t do.

& This is why I say it is so bad when a smart person knows this & still enslaves themselves.

The others have an excuse.

The smart do not.

Did not the ex-Roman Jew-prosecutor-turned-Christian Paul say this:

“Do not make yourself a slave unto man”?

These are wise words.

Also, Bukowski the drunk poet said something similar:

“If you know & don’t do you have attics & dark halls in your mind to walk up & down in & wonder about”.

I am convinced that if you took the millions of smart people who let themselves be brainwashed to ‘not to do’ –

by some Machiavellian character in higher education or some villainous corporatised entity,

They’d spontaneously do the great works on this Earth they were meant to do.

Someday, someone or something will make this all happen.

For it is the greatest swindlers tragedy to be on this beautiful pale blue dot life support system,

Which has bountiful food & the only barriers to movement are the geographic gates:

Mountains, Rivers, Seas, Deserts.

Yes – it’s amazing that even one man was ever fooled into seeing these false & invisible barriers –

Yet the entire times of mankind suggests it was entirely normal.

Yes, all of Earths entire generations have seen this elongated swindle we now call History.

History’s litany of records of the invisible barriers has never been real truth –

it just proves & documents that ‘the swindle’ has been effective for too long.

For a swindle is still a swindle no matter how long it is plied for.

A smart man that finds his voice & so ‘does’ is known by a better name:

A ‘Wise Man’.

The ‘Wise Man’s’ function is to show people the Truth of what is really happening.

Hazaar to the Wise Men!

Rare in modern times – but not yet extinct – maybe they can still save us….

….If only they’d finally find their voices soon…..

…..For there must be a few million of them at least….

For isn’t the ‘Wise Man’ just a ‘Smart Man Who Does”?

“He Who Seeks Flavour (sic) Amoungst the Gum-Chewers” (A Poem)

February 8, 2024Posted in UncategorizedTagged Cewing Gum, chewing-gum, fiction, Gum, health, humor, Humour, Poems, Poetry, social commentaryLeave a comment

The man who cannot ‘walk & chew gum’ at the same time takes a long time to get anywhere –

Unless of course he hates to chew gum,

In which case he is always on time.

But then on arrival he faces a new problem –

No one wants him around –

You see ‘Gum chewers’ think ‘Non-Gum Chewers’ are snobs.

After a while this accusation gets to him & he begins to chew gum.

In no time he makes a lot of friends & is known for always being late.

Over-excited by his newfound popularity amoungst the ‘Gum Chewers’ –

He goes overboard:

He subscribes to “Gum Chewers Monthly Magazine”

He invests his life savings in Wrigleys

He joins the Ivory Towers set & writes a thesis called:

‘Saw Jaws & bubble blowing throughout the ages: a longitudinal study well worth sinking your teeth into’

He is then approached by a well known american publisher to turn his thesis into a book,

Then Hollywood comes a-knocking for a feature length documentary

‘Saw Jaws’ becomes a Rollicking blockbuster –

He moves into the Hollywood Hills & dates a bevy of ‘A-listers’ –

Of course – “what goes up, must come down”

Fast forward 7 years – he is washed up, on crack & outa fame & cash & lives under a bridge.

“I wish I’d never reached for that stick of gum” are the words that rattle his head constantly.

They are not the only ones

“How can something as insignificant as chewing gum lead to this”

“How did the Devil get me in such a obscure way as this”

“Now I am so broke I can’t even afford a pack of gum”

Then he had an epiphany: he’d walk & not stop.

He’d walk & not chew gum – ad infinitum.

He Walked & Walked & Walked & never stopped.

People fed him along the way & gave him a bed at nights.

He began to get attention

Eventually the News Networks wanted to buy his story – for a princely sum.

Strangely he said yes and the whole ‘rise & fall’ story repeated itself again.

The moral of the story is this: Never try to impress the in-crowd.

Alas it is always true – they will chew you up & then spit you out.

But why can’t they Chew you up & spit you out at the same time?

Bloody Hypocrites!

Thankyou for enduring this long lasting & unpallatable gum chewing = life analogie

After all – It really is just some pricks piss poor poetry –

But then again – so it all is – it’s just the fancy packaging that makes you think otherwise.. .

“The Ballad of The Overpriced Shandy” (A Poem)

February 3, 2024Posted in fictionTagged bars, Bartenders, Beer, fiction, food, Humour, Poems, shandys, Small Town Life, small towns, social commentary, travel, writingLeave a comment

And So To the Nearby-Bar-In-The-Other-Town I Did Go,

In My Trusty ‘Horseless Carriage’.

Also known as its shortened name – a “Car”

This Is a regular saturday jaunt of mine,

I go from a one-horse-town,

To another one-horse-town.

Or perhaps I should update the phrase & say “I went to a one-car-town”.

These are mostly Shandy, Books & Coffee & Boob-watching trips –

& by ‘Boobs’ I unfortunately mean the ‘people’ kind.

Yes, most people suck, but occasionally you get lucky.

So, this particular time I sling into the usual regular bar –

a slightly old fashioned working mans bar, but owned by recent immigrants.

The two bartenders that are there are damned good guys,

Guys that you know have a real heart beating in their chests.

But the boss is too – let’s just say his vibe doesn’t fill me with confidence.

The good boys at the bar usually give me a good & fair shandy price,

But I make a mistake & ask the owner for the same drink.

He gives me the usual inflated price.

I tell him it’s too expensive –

I say “I usually get it for Six Fifty – surely you can’t charge me the same for a full beer”

I add that he doesn’t pay excise tax on the half of the glass that is lemonade.

The owner looks at ‘good guy one’ next to his shoulder and asks “what do you charge”

‘Good guy number one’ agrees & says “Six Fifty”.

So, the owner, backed into a corner backs down @ gives me my usual Six Fifty price shandy.

Five minutes later I order from the Boss again.

He rings up Eight dollars.

I say “what gives”,

He simply ignores good grace & says “it’s Eight Dollars”.

I regrettibly cough up – with the half protest of raising my hands up in the air while saying “ok ok”.

He pours it, I take it, I drink it.

I thought to myself “I’m probably not coming back next time”.

I found it amazing that the owner was willing to lose a regular customer,

Just to save the one & a half dollars of an overpriced shandy.

That owner boob only valued my regular custom at $1.50.

I paid it anyway & drank it & left.

After I left, I thought about not coming back,

Then I felt extra sorry for those two good guys behind the bar.

I thought to myself “I really should help them get new jobs”.

As I left the stormy day suddenly turned sunny & drove home.

I thought to myself

“If only there were more bars in one-horse-towns”.

Then my actions could have a chance to live up to my principles & intensions.

Yes Siree! You sure give up a lot when drinking overpriced shandys in one-horse-towns.

Writers Block Poem #2 (A Poem)

January 26, 2024January 26, 2024Posted in UncategorizedTagged fiction, Humour, Lars Ulrich, poem, Poems, poet, Poetry, writer, Writers BlockLeave a comment

By Martin Anton Smith

A few months ago, I wrote a Poem about “Writers Block”

It was about 10 lines.

To Steal Lars Ulrich’s favourite term,

Its content was best described as mostly “Stock”.

But alas – there is reason in the madness –

Yes! Let me tell you kind Sirs & Madams – the phrase “please add stock”,

isn’t just for the pages of cookbooks – the writer needs just it as much as the happy eater.

The strategy for the writer is that it will break the hoodoo that is ‘writers block’.

To put pen to paper or more modernly, single-index-finger to dirty-computer-button.

Because in the Poem or Writing game, to not be productive is to certainly risk ‘dying off entirely’ –

And that my fine poem reading, writing, & consuming friend – is a fate worse than death.

But perhaps as the High School English Teachers used to say, I am “exaggerating for effect” –

Like a typical over-the-top-arts-flake’ – yes this is possible.

But the again – perhaps not – after all good poem’s tell a story, do they not?

And no one would argue with the truism ‘good stories have changed the world’.

Well – Maybe a Lawyer or a Politician would but that merely proves my point.

& so now that this poem has served its purpose – to break writers block,

There is no point in more placking away at these dirty, chocolaty keys.

The “kill writers block objective” has been reached and on top of that,

To do so would result in this C- poem becoming a D- poem

& that is stupid in anyone’s book -even mine.

The End